I began Monday Notes a few years ago as a self-accountable way to transfer thoughts from the Notes section of my phone to this blog. But sometimes, I have more ideas than writing time. When my notes outweigh my writing, I do a phone dump to share.
Here we go:
- Relationships take effort and not everyone’s willing to put in the energy. What do you do when others don’t exert the same energy, whether it is familial, romantic, or friend?
- To be a mother, you have to get used to others judging what type of mother they think you ought to be. I’ve been on both ends of this, so at this point, I think it just happens. Either you think you know a better way for someone to mother her children, or someone thinks the same about the how you’re doing it.
- “I ain’t popping no pill, but you do as you wish” is one of my favorite rap lines. It’s from a song called “Middle Child,” by J. Cole. I love it because I think it’s representative of live and let live, which of course is contradictory to #2, but hey.
- Life was easier when I wasn’t as conscious.
- It’s not my job to make you be self-aware. It’s not any of our jobs to make someone else be self-aware.
- Acceptance does not mean approval; I think I read this in Iyanla Vanzant’s, Get Over It!
- Has anyone written about how patriarchy is reflected in the American presidency through age and race?
- There’s a difference between being influenced by someone and copying someone. I prefer the former.
- Some people think they have an open mind, but really, they just are open to listening to people who share their worldview.
- Seeing how people treat others in their life may be an indicator of how they will treat you as well.
- When someone says they wished they were married or had a husband/wife, I always think what they’re wishing for is a fairy tale. Marriage is not a fairy tale, even if the two people have immense love/like for one another.
- Love is deeper than your love language.
- You’re either committed to your craft, or you’re committed to your excuses. I think this may be a direct quote, but I’m not sure…maybe I made it up. I’ve Googled it and can’t find it, so I’m claiming it.
- I could complain about the person who didn’t hold the door for me, or I could just hold the door for the next person.
Is it fair to ask someone to change their behavior to suit your needs? I’ve decided it’s not fair, which is why I’d rather change myself than ask anyone in my life to change how they function around or with me.
- Don’t ask people to change their review of your book. This happened to me last year. An author didn’t like what I had to say, so that person DM’d me on Twitter and asked me to change my rating and comment. My answer? NOPE. I thought this was hella tacky.
- The threat of male privilege is showing through American comedians. I wrote this when I happened to watch a series of comedy shows, where men seem very threatened by the LGBTIQ community. This has ranged from Dave Chappell to Bill Burr. They all have a segment specifically focused on sexual identity and how it’s affected them, but opinions/jokes seem to be fear and insecurity based.
- If there’s a vast difference between how you present yourself on social media and how you present face-to-face, then the problem isn’t social media.
Please feel free to comment on any of these. You know I’m always up for a conversation in the comments 😉
Everyone who personally knows me knows that when I’m referring to my Grannie, it’s my mother’s mother. When my other grandmother was alive, Grandma Emma, I either referred to her by name, or as “my other grandmother.” Grannie has always been Grannie.
One of the best things about our relationship is that I had her all to myself for twenty-three years. This was for two reasons. One, my aunt and mother were at least a decade apart. Secondly, my aunt delayed having children until she was in her 30s, thus giving me a Grannie advantage, so to speak, and also making me the only person to call her Grannie. Even though my cousins and I share a grandmother, because they’re in the same generation as my children, for whom she is their great-grandmother, they all call her Gi-Gi.
But I digress.
The best thing about my Grannie is that she always has some wonderful piece of advice, in the form of a saying that just seems to roll off her tongue.
Her most recent one is “The only reason you’re not president is because Obama is.” See how poignant that is? I always took that to mean that you can do whatever you want to do. It shows a positive characteristic that she possesses. For the most part, anything you tell her you want to do, she’ll encourage you and even monetarily support you in achieving that dream.
Another piece of advice that I was raised hearing is “If you make your bed hard, then get out the bed.” I always thought this was clever because it’s a twist on an older adage if you make your bed hard, then lie in it. “Oh no,” my Grannie will tell you to this day. “If your bed is hard, then go find a new bed; change the bed.” I absolutely love this saying because it’s so true. A lot of times we think we have to remain in a situation because we created the situation. But even the law of attraction and all types of new age thinking will advise you to create a new thought and manifest a new reality.
The last piece of advice she gave me was as an adult. I remember explaining to her an email I’d sent to my doctoral chair. Having little knowledge about email, she stopped me mid-story and said, “You’re giving this lady too much information. She doesn’t need to know that you have to drop the kids off and pick them up at five. All she needs to know is you can’t make the meeting.” From that day on, I rarely give excuses for why I can’t do something at work. She was right. All people need to know is the crux of the information. A lot of times we want people to know that we’re hard workers, who would never be derelict in our duties. We think we need “good excuses” to not meet job expectations. Nope. We don’t. So pare down those emails and know that everything will be okay.
Tomorrow will be Grannie’s 92nd birthday. I’m sure when I speak with her, she’ll have more quotables for me.
Do you have any favorite sayings that get you through situations? Feel free to share. My blog is called Kwoted after all 😉
Happily shared for #ForgivingFridays and Debbie’s blog.
When you know better, you do better, and when you do better, you have some semblance of clarity. You know yourself, and you no longer walk the fine line of being one type of person in public and an entirely different one in private. You learn that it’s either okay that you speak from your heart, or it’s not. You learn that people will be comfortable with who you are, or they will not. Either scenario is fine.
When you know better, you do better, and when you open your eyes and begin to see other people for who they are, instead of who you want them to be, then you can truly choose. You can choose to highlight the excellent parts. You can continue to allow the bad parts into your space and energy. Or you can determine if the good outweighs the bad. You can decide with whom you want to engage and how.
When you know better, you do better, and when you do better, you accept better. What is better for you? Is it a better job that is aligned with your passion and skillset? Is it a better relationship that mirrors your values? Is it a better home that reflects who you are? Whatever “it” is, when you know better, you’ll feel what’s best and draw it into your life. There will be no choice; like attracts like.
And when you do these things altogether: be your true self, see others for who they are, and accept better circumstances, then you can live a more peaceful life.
But first you have to know better.
Happy New Year good people! Are you making any changes this year? Will you continue walking a similar path because it’s working for you? Feel free to share; you never know who you might meet right here in these comments. As for me, I’ll be publishing another book and focusing positive feelings towards the type of educational setting that’s right for me.
*inspired by Maya Angelou
Today is my 44th birthday! You might remember this from last year. I’ve added a 44th lesson:
- Pay attention to nature.
- Some friends don’t last forever.
- Physical life doesn’t last forever, but death will continue to surprise you.
- If you don’t like the life you’ve created, then make steps to create a new one.
- Be yourself.
- Love yourself.
- Be nice to people you don’t know.
- People will let you down. Learn how much letdown you want to tolerate from any one person.
- Learn when it’s time to let go.
- Learn when to hold on.
11. You always have a choice.
12. No one owes you anything.
13. You don’t owe anyone anything.
14. Sometimes friends act more like family.
15. Be honest with yourself and others.
16. Kids are not a do-over. They are individuals with their own experiences.
17. If you want more love, compassion or empathy, then give more love, compassion or empathy.
18. You can’t make people like you.
19. It’s never too late to grow.
20. Change is inevitable, whether it’s biological or spiritual.
21. Be grateful for all the so-called bad stuff that’s happened.
23. Accept apologies.
24. Folks will fill in the blanks of your life AND make up their own stories about it; so what?
25. Mistakes are inevitable; try anyway.
26. Institutions look out for themselves.
27. You will attract people and experiences that reflect how you feel about yourself, whether you believe that concept or not.
28. Treat people the way you want to be treated, even if you don’t think they’ve done the same.
29. Nothing is finite.
30. Recognize how you feel in situations.
31.You can’t blame your parents forever.
32. Wisdom doesn’t always come with age.
33. Listen to your children. For a long time, they are a reflection of you.
34. Don’t try to convince people that their belief system is wrong, stupid or inaccurate.
35. Fear nothing.
36. Know yourself.
37.One way to avoid manipulation is to be clear about who you are and what you want.
38. Judging does not equal caring.
39. Treat the homeless as you would your own mother.
40. Exercise so you can continue to move your body in ways you enjoy.
41. Learn something. But figure out if you need to pay for the knowledge or if you can Google your way through.
42. There is no correct way to live life.
43. We’re all connected.
44. Be of service.