Gina from The Unhappy Wife book

unhappy-wifeGina was the third wife that I’d interviewed. By the time I began putting the book together, I knew that she fit into the Voiceless Wife category. At first glance, her story may seem similar to Jasmyne’s. She knew she shouldn’t have married Bryan, but wed anyway and sought counseling through marriage ministry. However, her story is a tad bit different. Whereas Jasmyne seemed to heed advice from people she trusted, Gina never told anyone how she felt. Her mother, father, and best friend never suspected that she knew Bryan wasn’t the man for her.

Concept: Gina began our interview by saying, “I knew I shouldn’t have married Bryan as soon as he proposed,” so I wrote the story around that idea. I wanted to show the reader how we can have a suspicion about a person, and even if they do something blatant, we ignore those feelings and proceed with our own illusion.

With this narrative, I wanted to also illustrate how we keep relationship secrets due to something I’ve talked about on this blog before: shame. Gina didn’t want anyone to know that she’d given up her dog, her weekly visits with her mother, or her relationship with her best friend, simply to please Bryan.

I have to add that this wife’s story is one of my “favorites” because of the bloody kitten scene. I don’t want to spoil it for people who haven’t read the book, but the imagery of the animal gasping for its breath stayed with me for quite a while. This part of her story is true.

Similar to Jasmyne’s chapter, I created the part about her stomach twisting and turning in knots. The reason I continue to use this analogy is because intuition is oftentimes described as a gut feeling. If you’re familiar with chakras, then you know the yellow one is associated with your stomach and trusting what you feel. This is a message I felt important to continue.

Commentary: What stood out to me is the progression of abuse. Bryan slowly pulled her away from her loved ones, including her dog. He never physically hurt her, but rather imposed psychological abuse. He was jealous of everyone she interacted with, but it wasn’t obvious to her until after the experience. This is common. When you’re in a situation with a person who’s mentally abusive, then it might not be as apparent, especially if you’re ignoring instincts.

The other part of Gina’s story that intrigued me was the shame she carried. The shame grew at the same rate as her instincts about the relationship. This fit into another reason I felt compelled to write this book. There are many women who keep the details of their marriages secret because they believe they’re the only ones going through horrible situations. I’m not suggesting that we tell everyone, everything about our unions. I’m just saying perhaps it’s time to be a little more authentic in how we present ourselves to our friends and family. And if those people can’t be trusted, seek counsel that is aligned with who you are and what you believe. There are ways to discontinue the abuse and the loneliness that accompanies maintaining this type of secret.

unhappy-wifeLet me know what you thought about Gina and Bryan, what I’ve said here, or anything else that you felt was important. Next month, we’ll delve into many readers’ favorite character, Mrs. Little.

The Unhappy Wife is on sale here.

The Unhappy Wife

I love surprises! Finding out that normabob had not only read The Unhappy Wife, but also written an Amazon review and a written these kind words on her blog sent me over the moon! Thanks again my dear! I appreciate it. If you’re looking for a little inspiration, then check out her blog.

normabobb

Image Credited to Dr. Garland

I bought the book on the weekend and I couldn’t put it down until after I had read the last page.   I was reluctant at first because I thought here was a book that only catered to married women, but I have to admit I was wrong.    Whether you are married, engaged or single you will find bits and pieces of yourself intervowen in every tale.

Congratulations Dr. Garland you have imbued wisdom into our lives by sharing the stories of these women with us through your book.  See my review on Amazon.

© Norma Bobb-Semple 2017

View original post

Book Review: The Unhappy Wife | Dr. KE Garland #unhappyWIFEBook #52things52weeks

This Friday’s review of The Unhappy Wife comes from Marquessa! She and I began our blogs at the same time, two years ago. I think we met in Blogging 101 and have been supporters of one another ever since. Check out her blog! She’s an amazing fiction writer, who will have you waiting for her next installment about Alejandro 😉

Review: The Unhappy Wife by K E Garland

Another great part about publishing The Unhappy Wife is the overwhelming international support I’ve received. This review comes from Patty, who lives in Germany. Her blog is quite positive; be sure to check it out!

Patty Wolters

In 2016 I connected with a Beautiful Soul, Dr. Katherin E Garland, through her blog filled with inspiring quotes, stories and images. As soon as Katherin annouced the release of her new book, I promised myself to get a copy and read it. I placed an order a few weeks later, had to wait almost three weeks before the book arrived (from the USA to Germany takes a while apparently via standard shipping) and yes… my husband too looked very confused noticing his wife with a book with the title: The Unhappy Wife, hahaha

This is Dr. K  E Garland and her new book:

unhappywife

My thoughts with respect to the book:

You will find this

theunhappywife2

at the first page as soon as you open the book and it’s a perfect summary, because that is indeed what the book is about in short. However it doesn’t cover the essence at all…

View original post 393 more words

Jasmyne from The Unhappy Wife book

Jasmyne was the fifth wife that I’d interviewed, but I decided to use her story first because I thought it offered a blatant message. Her entire relationship seemed to be based on Bible-based therapy and ill advice from friends and family. Each of these demonstrated one of the themes I’d intended to convey with this book: It is important to listen to yourself and your inner voice.

Concept: During our interview, Jasmyne told me about a couple’s retreat that her two therapists wanted her to attend before she divorced Eddie. “You invited us into this marriage. Now, you have to invite us to its divorce” is a direct quote from the counselors. She felt as if she couldn’t leave the guy based on her own feelings.

When she mentioned the retreat, I knew that would be the focal point of the narrative. I wanted her character to flashback several times to illustrate how she knew Eddie wasn’t the right husband for her. It was important for me to show these feelings existed before she got married and way before she ended up at a weekend session.

Although all of the details of her marriage are true, I made up the part about vomiting. Again, I wanted her intuition to be obvious, so I thought associating her gut feelings with a stomachache would send a clear message to the reader.

Commentary: There are two things that stood out as I listened to Jasmyne’s story. The first was her description of Eddie. I speak with many people who have abandonment issues in one way or another, so it was natural for me to ask, “Where are his parents?” Due to therapy, Jasmyne understood Eddie’s issues stemmed from two deceased parents. In her answer, I heard about a good guy who wanted to give and receive love; however, he seemed to be a little boy who never learned how to be a man. She felt that she could remedy this with her love. This is a common relationship pattern, but I’m not sure what the success rate is for working out childhood problems in this way.

The second thing that stood out is something Jasmyne’s friends, family and therapists continued to tell her: Nobody’s perfect and he’s not that bad. Although I was sad to hear this, I was glad that it was a theme for her story. This is something that women tend to do. We encourage one another to remain in unhealthy relationships, simply because the man “isn’t that bad.” In my opinion, the tolerance level lies within each person. For example, a friend of mine texted that she would’ve left Eddie once the hot water was turned off. There are plenty of women who would stay. My point is that it’s not for me or anyone else to suggest staying or leaving, but rather, it’s up to the person to learn to listen to her inner voice and make the best possible decision for her situation.

Let me know what you thought about Jasmyne and Eddie, what I’ve said here, or anything else that you felt was important about this story.

And if you haven’t ordered a copy of The Unhappy Wife, then please do so here. We’ll be discussing Gina in February.

The Unhappy Wife: A Book Review

Today’s review of The Unhappy Wife comes from someone that many of you might already follow, my girl Kelley, over at Gray Suede! Her site is super positive in terms of raising Black consciousness. Thanks again Kelley! I appreciate the support 😉

black|burgundy

As you all know, I’m not the best at book reviews, but I had to do it for my fellow blogging sister, Dr. Garland. She is beautiful, intelligent, honest and inspiring. When reading her posts, I often come away with a handful of golden nuggets and a new perspective, so supporting her new book was kind of a no brainer. Although I’m not married, engaged and never have been, Katherin promised that I’d gain something from The Unhappy Wife. And I did. Absolutely.

keg

Twelve women share one thing in common – the quest for being happily married to the men they chose; however, each one finds herself in an unexpected marital predicament. Inspired by real events and told from each woman’s perspective, these short stories are firsthand accounts detailing the realities of marriage well after each woman said “I do.”

I read The Unhappy Wife in…

View original post 364 more words

Small Business Saturday

It just dawned on me that I’m kind of a small business. I mean I do have a product that I’m trying to sell, aaand the holidays are coming up. What could be better than the gift of self-reflection through story. We all have that one person we want to send a hint to, so I’m sure you know someone who should read The Unhappy Wife. Even if they don’t like paperbacks, you can gift through Amazon. Did you know that? Anywho, if you haven’t already, order it here!

 

Half a Haibun 1

…then there was that time I wrote a book and my new friend I met through blogging felt inspired to create half a Haibun. Ta Mek! I certainly appreciate it 🙂 Who’s Thom? You gotta get a copy of The Unhappy Wife and find out 😉

Work in Progress

Half a haibun a collaborative project between 10000hoursleft.wordpress.com and other bloggers part 1 - the unhappy wife with K E  Garland

The two bedroom apartment and the job I had were because of Thom. We built a life together: eating breakfast, driving to work, eating lunch, returning home, eating dinner. His reliable presence smothered me.

But the alternative was to return home.

“Now, will you marry me?”

Why not, I thought.

love’s blind artisan

stokes furnace, raising ashes

thirst’s empty vessel

brimming in complicity

Madame Pele’s dormant wrath

Tanka inspired by an extract from The Unhappy Wife, by Dr K E Garland. The book is a fictionalised account of the real lives of 12 women who are/were in unhappy marriages, and includes an afterword by relationship coach Anita Charlot. The extract is from Chapter 4, capturing the world of one of the ‘voiceless’ wives. I am currently reading my paperback copy and loving the insight into the characters and unique circumstances that have caused the dysfunction in each relationship. Kathy has done a great…

View original post 107 more words