Whether motivated by rebellion or love, here’s a list:
I began Monday Notes a few years ago as a self-accountable way to transfer thoughts from the Notes section of my phone to this blog. But sometimes, I have more ideas than writing time. When my notes outweigh my writing, I do a phone dump to share.
Here we go:
Is it fair to ask someone to change their behavior to suit your needs? I’ve decided it’s not fair, which is why I’d rather change myself than ask anyone in my life to change how they function around or with me.
Please feel free to comment on any of these. You know I’m always up for a conversation in the comments 😉
Today is my 44th birthday! You might remember this from last year. I’ve added a 44th lesson:
11. You always have a choice.
12. No one owes you anything.
13. You don’t owe anyone anything.
14. Sometimes friends act more like family.
15. Be honest with yourself and others.
16. Kids are not a do-over. They are individuals with their own experiences.
17. If you want more love, compassion or empathy, then give more love, compassion or empathy.
18. You can’t make people like you.
19. It’s never too late to grow.
20. Change is inevitable, whether it’s biological or spiritual.
21. Be grateful for all the so-called bad stuff that’s happened.
23. Accept apologies.
24. Folks will fill in the blanks of your life AND make up their own stories about it; so what?
25. Mistakes are inevitable; try anyway.
26. Institutions look out for themselves.
27. You will attract people and experiences that reflect how you feel about yourself, whether you believe that concept or not.
28. Treat people the way you want to be treated, even if you don’t think they’ve done the same.
29. Nothing is finite.
30. Recognize how you feel in situations.
31.You can’t blame your parents forever.
32. Wisdom doesn’t always come with age.
33. Listen to your children. For a long time, they are a reflection of you.
34. Don’t try to convince people that their belief system is wrong, stupid or inaccurate.
35. Fear nothing.
36. Know yourself.
37.One way to avoid manipulation is to be clear about who you are and what you want.
38. Judging does not equal caring.
39. Treat the homeless as you would your own mother.
40. Exercise so you can continue to move your body in ways you enjoy.
41. Learn something. But figure out if you need to pay for the knowledge or if you can Google your way through.
42. There is no correct way to live life.
43. We’re all connected.
44. Be of service.
This was one of the first kwotes I created. Many friends and family call, text or inbox me for advice and encouragement. Listening to someone with my whole heart and then offering what I think will inspire them is inherent for me. In fact, a former student asked if I was a high school cheerleader because of how much I stand behind and uplift others.
Well, there came a time during my 360-mile commute that I felt I had no one to reassure me. Even a cheerleader needs encouraging, I posted to FB. I couldn’t think of one person who I could turn to that would offer words of motivation. If I called my grandmother, then she’d remind me of how dumb I was to have taken the job in the first place. If I talked with my husband, then he would remind me that this was a choice I made, regardless of his early warnings. If I spoke to anyone else, then they would try to solve the problem for me and that wasn’t what I wanted or needed at the time. I wanted someone to tell me, “Hey! You can do it! You’ve done more challenging things in your life. This is no different.” I found that the only person that was going to tell me that was, ME. Consequently, this kwote was born. Cause, guess what? Every now and then, we all have to dig deep and find that inner strength. Trust me; it’s there.
This kwote popped into my mind after I’d announced to several people that I was leaving my tenure-track position at Florida State University. There was no visible job prospect in April 2015, but my intuition had spoken and I was listening. Even though my instinct was clear to me it wasn’t to others.
My cousin’s response, “Are you crazy?” Mind you he’d asked me the same question when I announced the commute.
My best friend at the time replied, “What??? Now I can’t say my best friend is a professor at FSU!”
My daughter’s reaction, “Are we gonna be poor?”
My aunt’s email, “So what if you’re the only Black person? Since when did that become a big deal?”
My friend and university’s alum, “What? Why?”
This is just a small number of people and their opinions. But in my mind, there were far too many and I didn’t feel as if I owed anyone an explanation for decisions about my life. With the exception of my daughter, none of these people would be affected by how I generated income. This kwote helped me to see the truth.
Oftentimes, this time of year prompts reflection and a sense of renewal. But sometimes we neglect to follow our hearts and inner voice because we’re worried about what family and friends will think about our new paths. Let me tell you something. They’ll be just fine! Now, let me ask this question. If you don’t follow your intuition, will you?
My sister-in-law and I have different personalities. Our one commonality is being married into the same family. The last phone conversation we had stemmed from a final attempt at building a long-distance relationship, so that family events wouldn’t feel like two strangers meeting for the first time. This is how it went.
SIL: Kathy, you’ve always been rude and mean to me.
Me: Really? How was I rude and mean to you the last time we saw each other?
SIL: You didn’t say anything to me and you didn’t want to listen to my advice about Kesi’s hair.
Me: You’re right. I didn’t say anything because whenever I do, then you call me rude and mean and when I don’t say anything, you still call me rude and mean. But, it’s funny cause you always tell me to be myself.
SIL: <sigh> Well, I’m not going to tolerate rude behavior.
And she shouldn’t. But after lots of overthinking, it seemed that my SIL wanted me to be myself in ways that pleased her. The 2011 visit we’d discussed is when I tried something different and said very little. I thought it would keep conversations peaceful.
However, it backfired because in essence, for me to speak few words is not me…at…all.
Our phone conversation revealed how I’d stopped being myself to appease her for no reason. Her perception of me remained. From that day forward, I’ve learned to be myself, regardless of others’ positive or negative opinions.
This kwote is in a section called “Konscious Life Perspectives.” As the subtitle suggests, it’s all about making conscious decisions appropriate for your life.
The thought came to me while talking to one of my favorite cousins. He was going through life-changing events. The way he saw it, he had two choices. On the one hand, he could pursue his dream career, but it required him to live several states away from his wife and young daughter. On the other hand, he could continue working two part-time, “dead-end” jobs, and that would preserve his marriage and relationship with his daughter.
During our conversation, I asked him what he really wanted to do. I encouraged him to pursue his true intentions because after all life is not about choosing the least miserable situation. Subsequently, he pursued and attained his dream job. But the move was more challenging than he’d anticipated. It didn’t work out as planned and he is currently back home living with his wife and child.
I’m never sure how my messages resonate, so I’ll add this for anyone reading. Oftentimes you may find yourself faced with what you see as a limited decision. However, there are infinite paths; your vision may be too myopic to see them. If you take the time to assess your desires and then vibe out from there, then the appropriate course for your life will appear. In that vein, I hope you never feel as if you’re choosing between least miserable situations.