Heart Faults, when we break.

Another cool thing about releasing The Unhappy Wife is the love I’ve gotten from LPCs and others in the mental health profession. This is a great example of that support. If you don’t already, check out Michelle’s blog. It’s full of personal stories that advocate for self-love ❤

Me,Intimately worded

In any relationship, manipulation is the highest form of betrayal. We will have to stop eating everything that is fed to us…even if its silver spoon fed. We grow watching, observing and living to our parents and family wishes. We trust them. Believe them without reservation. When we live our lives only by observation, and with their expectations without knowing their wounds, their whys our foundation will crack.

Respectability and accountability are requirements for the things we want in life, what we require from each other. Jesus’ mandate was to love one another as we love ourselves. His commandment sounds simple enough yet I believe it is one of the most difficult challenges in our faith walk. Loving self is a lifetime journey and it becomes more difficult to do when we break. The longevity of carrying pain, damaging pain that steals your joy and stills your heart is not loyalty…

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Lesa from The Unhappy Wife book

unhappy-wifeI revealed that I had a story in this book during the pre-release stage. I’ve also written 3 Ways to Avoid being an Unhappy Wife, where I describe my struggles with marriage. I wrote my own story somewhere in between the third and fourth wife’s interview. It didn’t seem authentic of me to ask women to trust me to re-tell a story about their lives if I wasn’t going to do the same. The difference was that I wasn’t trying to hide many details. What you read is pretty much how things happened.

I knew I was a detached wife way before I created the section. Some of this blog’s content has shown how I became a detached human being. Adoption, my adopted mother’s death, and my adopted father giving up parental rights all shaped me to be the type of wife I was to Dwight.

When the slightest things changed in our relationship, I detached. Sometimes that leaves an opening for infidelity.

Concept and Commentary: Before I found myself in this situation, I thought emotional affairs were the most ludicrous thing I’d heard of. I remember watching an episode of In the Bedroom with Dr. Laura Berman, where the husband was confiding a lot in a female co-worker. It seemed so silly and harmless to me, until I found myself in a similar situation.

What I wanted to show in my firsthand account was how quick and easy it is to slip into a barrage of texts or instant messages that mirror infidelity, especially nowadays. The advent of Smartphones, tablets and apps have made it easier than ever to create communication outside of your marriage to fulfill whatever needs your spouse won’t. It produces an even deeper illusion than a “traditional” affair because there is usually little physical contact. You can portray whoever you want to the person on the other side of the screen.

The other concept I wanted to show is the idea of consciousness. On page 42, I wrote, “What was happening? Why was this happening? How did I allow this to happen?” Of course when I re-tell the story, it’s obvious how it happened. I was attracted to the guy and then used our text messages as an escape. Duh. But at the time, I was really baffled.

That’s when I learned this: Things don’t just happen to us. We are constantly co-creating, whether we believe it, or not. This situation pushed me to pay more attention to the life I wanted to create and the person I wanted to be. I had to be attentive to not only the energy I was putting out, but also the words and actions associated with that energy. I became more mindful about who I wanted to be so that everything was aligned.

unhappy-wifeWelp, that’s where I was going with Lesa. Let me know what came to mind when you read this story. Next month, we’ll continue with another type of detached wife, Sofia.

Still haven’t ordered and read your copy? Don’t worry, we’re only halfway through the conversation. Order here.

Book Review: The Unhappy Wife

I can count on both hands how many men have read The Unhappy Wife, and Darryl is one of them. Check out his review of the book. And, if you don’t already follow him, then you’re in for a thoughtful and critical look at all things in society. Thanks again Darryl!

Zone of Non-being

After months of resistance, I finally purchased and read Dr. K E Garland’s The Unhappy Wife. My original thoughts about the text were a barrier to engagement. Based on the title alone, I assumed that only married women could extract pearls of wisdom from the book. This mythical position was dispelled after reading just a few pages of the first section. This wonderful collection of short stories has use-value for most people, irrespective of sex/gender and marital status.

The Unhappy Wife is an assortment of twelve visceral testimonies inspired by the actual experiences of married women. Each relationship goes through a period(s) of disenchantment – owing to a wide range of internal and/or external factors. The varying responses to these circumstances are presented in three parts and corresponding themes: The Voiceless Wife, The Detached Wife, and The Committed Wife. These narratives are powerful and captivating. Overall…

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Book & Author Feature: The Unhappy Wife by K E Garland

Thanks for an amazing interview experience Leslie Reese! Leslie is a book blogger and also a skilled writer. I was fortunate enough to have been interviewed by her. If you don’t follow her blog, then please go check it out!

I subscribe to KE Garlands’s blog, kwoted, where she always “keeps it real” by writing honest and thought-provoking posts about societal experiences, personal relationships and insecurities; how and why we celebrate holidays, being reflective, and finding inspiration in daily life. In 2015 she published Kwoted, a book of original quotes which “encompass advice and mantras that the author lives by and offers to those around her.”

kwoted

Early in the fall of 2016 I learned that K E Garland had written and was self-publishing a book titled The Unhappy Wife, and my first thought was “I’m going to read her book and review it.” But while reading this 112-page volume, I decided I wanted to do an author feature, instead. I asked Kathy – aka K E Garland – if she would mind me asking her some questions, and she was down, so what follows is our exchange. Enjoy!

Leslie Reese (LR): Okay, Kathy, let’s get this party started!
K E Garland: LOL okay…I’m ready!
LR: When and how did you first conceive of The Unhappy Wife as a project and a book?
K E Garland: I was actually on the phone with a friend. As usual, he was complaining about his wife. This seemed to be commonplace for many of my married men friends. Because I’d also begun doing the work of self-reflection about who I’d been in my own marriage, I was able to offer a bit of advice. But when that was over, he continued to complain. Right in the middle of his diatribe, I said, “I’m going to write a book called, ‘The Unhappy Wife,’ and I’m going to ask your wife to be in it.” He laughed and laughed. I didn’t. Three years later the book was conceptualized.

Read more…

Mrs. Little from The Unhappy Wife book

unhappy-wifeMrs. Little was the second wife that I’d interviewed. Although she’d given me quite a few details about her marriage, what kept resurfacing were small anecdotes and feelings about her mother-in-law. She was voiceless, but in a much different way than either Jasmyne or Gina.

Her comments reminded me of Steve Harvey’s movie, Think Like a Man. In it he approaches how so-called “Mama’s boys” affect relationships, but I thought this was different because the mother-in-law’s actions were subtle, or like people like to say nowadays: petty.

Concept: Her husband, Mark knew how Mrs. Little felt, but she’d never really expressed herself to the mother-in-law. Quite honestly, I have issues with my own MIL that I’ve never shared, so I began to wonder what it would be like if Mrs. Little could tell Ms. Little everything she wanted to say over the past two decades. Then, I thought wouldn’t it be great if she wrote her a letter? Wouldn’t we all like to do that with someone, in a way where they don’t get to respond, but just read?

I also had fun using the epistolary format. It seemed that would break up the monotony of reading traditional narratives, yet still explain the past and present challenges with the relationship.

Commentary: I’ve never been a mother-in-law, but I have one and I’ve talked to a few. What seems to be challenging (sometimes) is accepting that their son is no longer a little boy, but rather a man with his own responsibilities. Essentially, it’s an issue with transitions and change that manifests through marriage. From my perspective, it seems that mothers want to still “mother” their sons, while either not embracing the daughter-in-law, or ignoring her altogether.

That doesn’t work.

And there was a twist for this story. Mark was using his military salary to pay his mother’s bills before he married. The mother-in-law had to not only deal with a new woman in her son’s life, but also not being financially taken cared of anymore. She’d lost a lot all at once. I’m not sure they’d ever discussed a plan for this change.

I tend to believe that conversations can heal all things. People underestimate the importance of sitting down, airing grievances, setting the stage to move forward, and then actually moving forward with a clearer understanding. I’m not saying this always works, but I do know that unacknowledged issues are rarely solved.

unhappy-wifeLet me know what you thought about Mrs. Little and Mark, what I’ve said here, or anything else that you felt was important. Next month, we’ll move on to the next section, The Detached Wife. Thom’s wife signed a waiver that doesn’t allow me to discuss the story in this format, so on to the next chapter we’ll go..

Interested in purchasing a copy and getting caught up to discuss the rest of the wives? Order here.

Book Review: The Unhappy Wife ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I’ve been fortunate enough to have four book bloggers read and review The Unhappy Wife. This one comes from LeTara, who lives in the States. Not only did she give it four stars, but she’s the reason I realized the book could also be purchased at Barnes & Noble online.

LeTara Writes Book Reviews

Wives, girlfriends, significant others: Do you feel like you’re being heard? I mean really heard? Felt? Loved? Maybe you do. If so, then The Unhappy Wife by K.E. Garland is a good read for you because you can get a glimpse of what marriage is like for women who are not satisfied and you can glean information or just be entertained. If you’re not satisfied, then this is good read for you because there’s sure to be something that you can relate to in this book.

The Unhappy Wife doesn’t preach or lecture. It doesn’t attempt to vilify anyone. There’s no man-bashing or single woman-bashing or any other bashing. It is simply a collection of twelve short stories/anecdotes shared by twelve very different women. The book is divided into three parts: The Voiceless Wife, The Detached Wife, and The Committed Wife.

Considering I am not married and never have been…

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Gina from The Unhappy Wife book

unhappy-wifeGina was the third wife that I’d interviewed. By the time I began putting the book together, I knew that she fit into the Voiceless Wife category. At first glance, her story may seem similar to Jasmyne’s. She knew she shouldn’t have married Bryan, but wed anyway and sought counseling through marriage ministry. However, her story is a tad bit different. Whereas Jasmyne seemed to heed advice from people she trusted, Gina never told anyone how she felt. Her mother, father, and best friend never suspected that she knew Bryan wasn’t the man for her.

Concept: Gina began our interview by saying, “I knew I shouldn’t have married Bryan as soon as he proposed,” so I wrote the story around that idea. I wanted to show the reader how we can have a suspicion about a person, and even if they do something blatant, we ignore those feelings and proceed with our own illusion.

With this narrative, I wanted to also illustrate how we keep relationship secrets due to something I’ve talked about on this blog before: shame. Gina didn’t want anyone to know that she’d given up her dog, her weekly visits with her mother, or her relationship with her best friend, simply to please Bryan.

I have to add that this wife’s story is one of my “favorites” because of the bloody kitten scene. I don’t want to spoil it for people who haven’t read the book, but the imagery of the animal gasping for its breath stayed with me for quite a while. This part of her story is true.

Similar to Jasmyne’s chapter, I created the part about her stomach twisting and turning in knots. The reason I continue to use this analogy is because intuition is oftentimes described as a gut feeling. If you’re familiar with chakras, then you know the yellow one is associated with your stomach and trusting what you feel. This is a message I felt important to continue.

Commentary: What stood out to me is the progression of abuse. Bryan slowly pulled her away from her loved ones, including her dog. He never physically hurt her, but rather imposed psychological abuse. He was jealous of everyone she interacted with, but it wasn’t obvious to her until after the experience. This is common. When you’re in a situation with a person who’s mentally abusive, then it might not be as apparent, especially if you’re ignoring instincts.

The other part of Gina’s story that intrigued me was the shame she carried. The shame grew at the same rate as her instincts about the relationship. This fit into another reason I felt compelled to write this book. There are many women who keep the details of their marriages secret because they believe they’re the only ones going through horrible situations. I’m not suggesting that we tell everyone, everything about our unions. I’m just saying perhaps it’s time to be a little more authentic in how we present ourselves to our friends and family. And if those people can’t be trusted, seek counsel that is aligned with who you are and what you believe. There are ways to discontinue the abuse and the loneliness that accompanies maintaining this type of secret.

unhappy-wifeLet me know what you thought about Gina and Bryan, what I’ve said here, or anything else that you felt was important. Next month, we’ll delve into many readers’ favorite character, Mrs. Little.

The Unhappy Wife is on sale here.

The Unhappy Wife

I love surprises! Finding out that normabob had not only read The Unhappy Wife, but also written an Amazon review and a written these kind words on her blog sent me over the moon! Thanks again my dear! I appreciate it. If you’re looking for a little inspiration, then check out her blog.

normabobb

Image Credited to Dr. Garland

I bought the book on the weekend and I couldn’t put it down until after I had read the last page.   I was reluctant at first because I thought here was a book that only catered to married women, but I have to admit I was wrong.    Whether you are married, engaged or single you will find bits and pieces of yourself intervowen in every tale.

Congratulations Dr. Garland you have imbued wisdom into our lives by sharing the stories of these women with us through your book.  See my review on Amazon.

© Norma Bobb-Semple 2017

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Book Review: The Unhappy Wife | Dr. KE Garland #unhappyWIFEBook #52things52weeks

This Friday’s review of The Unhappy Wife comes from Marquessa! She and I began our blogs at the same time, two years ago. I think we met in Blogging 101 and have been supporters of one another ever since. Check out her blog! She’s an amazing fiction writer, who will have you waiting for her next installment about Alejandro 😉

Simply Marquessa

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I’ve been following Dr. Garland’s blog for a very long time and from the quality of her content and the perspectives she offers on her blog, I knew that her book, “The Unhappy Wife“, would be a worthwhile read.

I was not disappointed.

To be honest, I read Dr. Garland’s book twice – the first time on my long flight to Hawaii and then a second time while lounging by the resort pool. I was totally engaged on both reads.

The stories presented by Dr. Garland provide truth-based experiences through the voices of a number of diverse women – experiences that are deep, thought-provoking and make you think about your own (past) relationships.

This book is smooth and easy read that packs a lot of punch.

Without giving away too because you should read it for yourself, I will say that though every story will resonate with you…

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Review: The Unhappy Wife by K E Garland

Another great part about publishing The Unhappy Wife is the overwhelming international support I’ve received. This review comes from Patty, who lives in Germany. Her blog is quite positive; be sure to check it out!

Mimosa Pudica

In 2016 I connected with a Beautiful Soul, Dr. Katherin E Garland, through her blog filled with inspiring quotes, stories and images. As soon as Katherin annouced the release of her new book, I promised myself to get a copy and read it. I placed an order a few weeks later, had to wait almost three weeks before the book arrived (from the USA to Germany takes a while apparently via standard shipping) and yes… my husband too looked very confused noticing his wife with a book with the title: The Unhappy Wife, hahaha

This is Dr. K  E Garland and her new book:

unhappywife

My thoughts with respect to the book:

You will find this

theunhappywife2

at the first page as soon as you open the book and it’s a perfect summary, because that is indeed what the book is about in short. However it doesn’t cover the essence at all…

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