Who do you blame for not being the artist you were meant to be? That was one of the questions in The Artist’s Way.
It didn’t take long for me to come up with an answer. First, I blamed my parents. When I was in the fifth grade, I wrote a book called On the Farm. My fifth-grade teacher was so impressed, she entered the book into a citywide contest either named after or sponsored by Gwendolyn Brooks. I’ve written about this before. I didn’t win; however, now that I’m a parent, I wonder why no one asked me about my interest in writing. As an adult, I realized it’s probably because it was the same year my mother received a kidney transplant. She was hospitalized 150 miles away in Madison, Wisconsin. So, her illness probably took precedence over my perceived art.
Next, I blamed my grandmother. The year after my mother died, I announced to her that I was going to write a book.
“About what?” she asked.
“About my mother’s death,” I said.
“You think you’re the only person whose lost her mother?”
I didn’t answer, but what I did do is stop thinking about writing … anything … for a very long time.
After writing something similar to the above in my Morning Pages, I closed my journal and I cried. That was October 2021.
But as I continued The Artist’s Way activities, a thought emerged. I can do the writer things I wished my caretakers would have. I can nurture myself as an artist in ways I wished my parents would have. I can speak positively about myself as an artist in ways that I wished my grandmother would have. I’m an adult, and it’s up to me to live the life I want and to be the artist I want to be.
That’s part of what led me to applying for the Monson Arts Residency. I needed to submit the following:
- a cover letter explaining why I wanted to come to Monson, Maine and what I’d be doing while I was there,
- a writing sample,
- a website, and
- two references.
The first time I applied, I didn’t get it; however, the director encouraged me to re-apply in 2022, and if I did, he’d waive the application fee. I did, and this time, I was awarded the residency.
Cue the Prosecco!
I’ve been quiet on the blog because I was in Monson from March 27th to April 7th being the artist I always wanted to be.
For twelve days, I lived in a three-bedroom, two-bathroom house with a housemate. During that time, I received free breakfast from the General Store and lunch and dinner from a trained chef named Lou Lou. Lou Lou bought fresh groceries daily to prepare meals for us, like Ahi tuna tartare, pork belly, and congee with saffron. The intentionality of her meal creations was surreal. I had my own writing studio in another house that overlooked a lake with a view of the mountains. At the end of it all, I received a check for five hundred dollars. They paid me to be there. I was literally nurtured as a writer.
I have to repeat that. The nurturing I wished I had, I received from this writer’s residency, including being safe, secure, fed, and paid.
With nothing to worry about, I wrote no less than six hours a day, and with that, I was able to finish a draft of my second memoir.
I’m still in awe that I was even there. But I hope you see what I’m saying. I will always advocate for drilling down to the source of how you became who you are. After all, each of us is a product of our environments. But if you’re dissatisfied with the outcome of your upbringing, it’s equally important to take the reigns of your own life and do the things that will allow you to be who you desire. You’re the only one who can do that 😉
Next week, I’ll share the lessons learned/reinforced about myself while I was in Maine. Until then, let me know what you think in the comments.