Monday Notes: A Reflection on Last Year’s Goals

In 2022, I had three goals:

  1. I would no longer persuade people to see my point of view.
  2. I would no longer chase people for reciprocity.
  3. I would no longer ignore my gut, figuratively or literally.

Here’s how I did:

Not persuading people to see my point of view was hard. A healer friend of mine shared a post on Instagram that said you don’t have to always let people know how you feel before you release them. You can just stop talking, interacting, etc. I told him that I knew I needed to balance this behavior because “I be having all the words.”

“You want them to hurt like you? Or do you have a deep-seated need to be understood?” he asked.

I knew it was the latter. I hate for people to not understand what I’m saying, to not consider what I’m saying to be truth, and to ignore what I’ve shared without thinking about how an experience could have affected me. As a result, I usually end up saying a whole bunch of stuff, when I really should’ve just released them from my life. This year, I only felt as if I had to persuade one person to see my point of view, but a back-and-forth conversation lingered much of the year.

I didn’t do well with this goal, but after our chat, my healer friend sent me a homework assignment and a bible verse so that I could learn to heal what’s at the root of this need. I know I’ll be doing better in 2023.

I did really well with not chasing people for reciprocity, mainly because I’m tired of what my friend, Dr. D. calls one-way, transactional relationships. There were a few situations where I felt as if I was doing much more calling, texting, or planning. But once I slowed down or stopped altogether, people noticed. When those friends said something (I considered) passive, like oh, we haven’t talked in a while, then I brought the reason why to their attention, which was usually because if I don’t reach out, we don’t talk. Friends and family either accepted this and changed their behavior, or they didn’t. Either way, the result was I no longer had to chase anyone for reciprocity. This behavioral change worked.


Literally paying attention to my gut was easy. Two years ago, I accepted the idea that my parasympathetic system had been disrupted long ago when I experienced several subsequent traumatic events in childhood and adolescence. (That’s a mouthful). Anywho, as a result, I learned that I have to not only eat differently, but also keep my stress levels low; otherwise, there’s a physical and mental breakdown. In 2022, I focused quite a bit on these two things. For example, I knew when Dwight and I were out of the country and I didn’t feel right, I had to return to strategies that kept my anxiety at bay. My step-mother coming to visit was also a reminder of how important listening to my gut is, so this was successful.

Figuratively listening to my gut was also easier this year. To be clear, I mean following my intuition. One time, I could sense that my cousin’s wife seemed bothered for some reason. I could feel my belly swirling, and it almost seemed as if our spirits were fighting, even though we hadn’t engaged in an argument. I decided to leave her alone for the remainder of the day. The next day, without my prompting, my cousin revealed this was true. His wife was, indeed, angry because of something I said. In these situations, following my gut doesn’t mean confronting the person. I’ve learned that’s rarely necessary. What it does mean is paying attention to what I feel and then focusing on what I can do on my part to dissolve the situation.


This year, I’m focusing on the following:

  • Prioritize my artistry/writing.
  • Heal the part of me that wasn’t heard as a child.
  • Flow with the elements.

See what I did there? That second one is a re-frame of the first goal from last year. It’s not about not persuading others to see my point of view. It’s about why I feel the need to persuade others to see my point of view. Once I heal this, then the need will cease to exist 😉

How’d you do last year? Did you commit to doing something in order to strengthen your human beingness? Are you doing something this year to be a better person?


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88 thoughts on “Monday Notes: A Reflection on Last Year’s Goals

  1. These are great observations. However, when I try to make a goal of something that I can’t quantify, I often lose traction. Like, I can’t put a number to being a better person, but I can read a book about generosity or confidence. That could be a micro goal that is quantifiable. I could get to the gym more and track my workouts. I could text a random friend 4 times per week with a quick encouragement. I just like to be able to track my goals so that I can see the progress on paper. Of course, building all of these things as habits is the goal in itself!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for reading and commenting!

      I get it, and I think there’s something to be said for developing SMART goals or actionable goals, etc. These are a bit more intuitive, and they do require more going for how I feel I did, as opposed to keeping track of “success.”

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hey Kathy,
    Happy New Year!
    I love this!
    Congrats and so well said and executed!
    I also loved
    “As a result, I usually end up saying a whole bunch of stuff, when I really should’ve just released them from my life. This year, I only felt as if I had to persuade one person to see my point of view, but a back-and-forth conversation lingered much of the year.”

    And this :
    👏💗
    “oh, we haven’t talked in a while, then I brought the reason why to their attention, which was usually because if I don’t reach out, we don’t talk. Friends and family either accepted this and changed their behavior, or they didn’t. Either way, the result was I no longer had to chase anyone for reciprocity. This behavioral change worked.”

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I resonate with the first goal and second goal from last year! Explaining my point of view often goes no where. It falls on deaf ears. There’s no point of the back and forth. It’s important to release people.

    Good luck with your new goals this year! Thank you for sharing 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  4. As a short story writer, I can relate to the desire to be understood and to have people consider the truth of what I’m saying. It can be frustrating when our words are ignored or dismissed without thought. It’s great to see that this writer is taking steps to heal the root cause of their need to persuade others and I’m sure they’ll see even more progress in the coming year. It’s also encouraging to see the success in not chasing reciprocity and following their gut, both literally and figuratively. Best of luck to this writer in their upcoming goals to prioritize their artistry and heal their past.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My apologies, Sebastian. I thought I’d answered this. Thank you so much for such an affirming and validating comment. It feels good to know that another writer understands exactly what I’m saying and is there supporting me in spirit ❤ Best of luck to you in 2023!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. You had very solid goals for 2022. I’m happy you’ve managed to do this internal work for yourself. Of course, this is an ongoing process. Keep going!

    I’m also quitting one-way, transactional relationships, this year. It’s just mind boggling how some people expect one to do all the work of keeping in touch.

    May you continue to heal the parts of you… and all you set out to achieve in 2023! ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Khaya! It is absolutely an ongoing process. My editor just reminded me that this is a healing journey, not healing as an endpoint. She said it more eloquently, but you get my point.

      I agree, but I’ve also found quite a large part of the population is indeed…selfish!

      Thank you for these well wishes, too ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I went through a “explain what they did wrong” period… and it got me nowhere. They would apologize and then continue on… but about May or June I said it wasn’t worth it. So I’ve been able to just silently remove people from my lives without the extra drama. It’s been great.

    I’m trying to work with going with the flow of things… but also only giving a set amount of energy to things.

    Good luck on your journey this year

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That “explain what they did wrong” method NEVER EVER works lol so I’m glad you learned this earlier than I did. Silently moving on is the best way for many situations.

      Thanks so much for your well wishes <3. Best of luck with going with the flow this year!

      Like

  7. Big siss. I so admire your self-work, and your Monday notes are always so well written.

    I have yet to write about how I plan to improve this year, but I have thought about it, and for now, I know I want to do less. Last year was a lot, and I didn’t take the time I needed. So, this year I’m taking it slow. I don’t want to rush into anything. What will be, will be. Everything I need will come to me when I need it. I am also working on not overexplaining myself, which I realized I do for the same reasons you’ve discussed, feeling like I’m not understood.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Awww ❤ Thank you, little sis ❤ I appreciate this comment.

      From the little I know about your background, I'm sure over explaining is probably due to similar reasons 😉 We gotta continue to heal all of that ❤

      Sending you lots of love and grace for yourself this year.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. How did you learn to change eating habits? What did you follow? I think that would be beneficial to learn about if you have any resources. Thanks for your post! Good luck to the New Year and I hope you are successful.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I actually went to see a holistic doctor, and she had me do what’s called an elimination diet to see what was causing inflammation. It was a challenge, but it was worth it. Even now when I overdo it, I automatically know what I shouldn’t have eaten or drank and quickly correct it.

      You’re welcome, and thank YOU for reading. I appreciate it!

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Your “yearly goals” are actually lifelong practices. You’ll slip a few times as you move toward “mastery,” but you’ll be okay. As for me–I can’t even think straight to think about anything but the moment I’m in. Maybe, I should start there. Tease out all the thoughts. In other news, I did get the grant we talked about on IG, so yay! Now, I guess, I have to get that book out. LOL!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. OMG OMG OMG! Congrats! Now, it’s time to get that poetry going. I’m so excited for you! And yes, as my editor reminded me…it’s a healing journey, not a healing destination, or something like that lol

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Good luck! If you’re not used to doing this, try baby steps first, like listening to low-stakes intuitive type things (e.g., turn right instead of left, or whatever).

      Like

  10. I have a hard time not trying to persuade people to see my point of view too. I guess because it’s so personal, and big part of who I am, and I want it acknowledged? But the truth is, we all want that which is why there is so much talking and so little listening in this world. So I need to learn to be satisfied with the fact that I am comfortable with my point of view, and to learn to accept that everyone gets to think for themselves.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think you’re right that we all do want to be acknowledged, but also that last part is the key. We have to learn to be comfortable in our own POV (while being open to other ideas), while also understanding everyone else can have a thought, too 😉

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha I agree: no politics; no religion (unless you’re open to other ideas). But I’m also tired of convincing people of basic things, too, like 1+1=2. If you think it’s 4, then so be it lol

      Happy New Year to you, too (again) 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Can this be my new year manifesto? So much crystallized wisdom in one place. All based on the hard work of digging deep below the surface + by living the words that you write and speak. I am honoured to be included Dr. G. And it’s no coincidence that I wrote that you are my muse on my IG post before I even read this freedom post. 👯‍♀️

    AND TO ANSWER YOUR BRILLIANT REFLECTION QUESTIONS:

    “How’d you do last year? Did you commit to doing something in order to strengthen your human beingness? Are you doing something this year to be a better person?”

    Last year I committed to SPEAKING UP in business transactions by speaking less. If they wanted me — they could do the chasing, not the other way around. After 25+ years of professional speaking, I am FINALLY realizing my self-worth by being my 53 year old self, not my 8 year self and trying to find worth in people that simply don’t care. (Which I respect when I do business as my adult self!)

    Less is more. REST IS RESISTANCE. The people who want your for you — professionally and personally — want to created a transformational not transactional one. And guess what Dr. G.. because of this, I am not working LESS and making more.

    Boom 🤯

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for this comment, Dr. D! It really has brought me joy! I appreciate how much we’ve grown in tandem in some of these areas; the universe is a weird and amazing place, huh?

      KUDOS to that last part, and I had to laugh about your 8-yo self. I just told someone my 16-yo self is always right here, waiting to jump out and drive the bus, so I have to constantly reassure her we’re fine 😉

      Happy New Year, Dr. D! Here’s to all the manifestations we can handle.

      Liked by 1 person

  12. An impressive comprehensive summary of many subjects; on some I remember I had commented before. The outstanding point is, there was no point to enter a ‘pissing contest’ one does not argue when one knows, which I also struggled with before it dawned on me.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Wonderful post, Katherin! A perfect opportunity to tell you that I wish only the best for us in 2023.
    I am trying to think about what resolutions and changes to make in my life. I am very resistant to putting pressure on myself. For sure, I want to continue having deep appreciation for my freedom – to create, relax, or do whatever I want. With that freedom, I’ve struggled with gut issues and also overeating. I wish I was more motivated to make the change and I’m hoping that will come for me soon.
    So I’ve opened up to share this with you, knowing you fully understand. I admire your quest for self-improvement. Thank you for inspiring me!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Judy! We ARE gonna have only the best! I’m going to email you about something in a few days.

      I totally get it: gut issues and freedom don’t go together. I just learned that over the holidays. I wanted so bad to just do what I wanted, eat and drink what I wanted, but that was a bad idea. Maybe if we think about it like we have the freedom to do what’s best for our bodies (I just thought of that). Maybe that’s a better way to reframe it? That way, we can stop and make a healthier choice. (Apologies if I’m projecting lol)

      We can do this, even if it’s just one thing we stick to the whole year 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Happy Monday and happy to see your post, on a Monday no less. I am struggling at the moment with doing the things I want to do and being available for people who I want to take care of/do things with, but not necessarily on their schedule. It’s exhausting. My word for 2023 is health but also priorities. Hopefully I can make this work.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Love this post. Focusing on finding joy, whether it be with writing, being around like-minded folks is a goal. The past few years have made a lot of people’s true colors rise to the surface and disentangling myself from their baggage has been a good thing.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. “I hate for people to not understand what I’m saying, to not consider what I’m saying to be truth, and to ignore what I’ve shared without thinking about how an experience could have affected me.” Sometimes people choose not to understand, because they then feel they have the liberty to keep doing what they want to do, even if it hurts you!

    That was a huge eye-opening lesson I needed to learn. We assume everyone has altruistic sides to them when we do, and we assume people have empathy when we do, yet that is simply an assumption! It isn’t a fact, and it isn’t necessarily how other people see life!

    Maya Angelou said that we need to believe people when they show who they are. This was a huge lesson for me, for I kept projecting onto them how I desperately wanted and needed them to behave, instead of simply looking at the facts, and even walking away. I was so invested in them seeing things my way or at least understanding me instead of just judging me.

    Accepting people for who they are, where they are at in this stage of life is so freeing, isn’t it?!

    Wishing you and your readers a wonderful and magical New Year!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Tamara, you always say the right thing! I have made all of the assumptions you’ve listed above, and one-by-one, as I let them go, I felt liberated (and even more whole in some ways).

      Thank you for adding this! I hope YOU have a Happy and joyous New Year<3

      Liked by 1 person

  17. Hi. I don’t make serious resolutions usually, but this year I’m going to try and expand my social circles. I’d like to have at least two or three more friends to hang out with. Not sure at all how I might meet compatible people. Maybe through organized discussion groups, clubs, etc.

    Liked by 3 people

  18. “It’s not about not persuading others to see my point of view. It’s about why I feel the need to persuade others to see my point of view. Once I heal this, then the need will cease to exist”
    Oh my gosh, yes! I’ve been working on that as well and seeing some progress over the last several months!
    Happy New Year to you!

    Liked by 3 people

  19. I haven’t done much with goals or reflecting back in the last few years. It might be time to revisit them! Kudos Kathy on making worthy goals, working to achieve them, and reflecting on your progress. To goals and action for 2023.

    Liked by 2 people

  20. I love every word of this post.

    Re the POV, and convincing people to see it your way, it’s really a waste of time, isn’t it. This hit home for the first time this past year during a study into the subconscious mind where I turned to a number of books and video podcasts where the people who shared their knowledge were sometimes attacked as ‘not scientific enough’ despite elaborate use of measured results via MRIs (one example). One day one of the authors was giving an interview and he admitted that he had to let go the aspect of trying to convince the cynics and doubters. The bottom line was this: share you message. Those who take the time to beat you up or correct you or criticize you for it are not going to be convinced no matter what you say or do anyway, so why bother?

    I’m still learning this lesson, but it really rings true to me. No point in getting frustrated. What YOU think of me is none of MY business. What SOMEONE thinks of you is THEIR, not your business. 🙂

    Happy New Year Katherin!

    Liked by 4 people

  21. Last year was full of growth for me, but I feel like I lost the thread a little towards the end. I’m trying to recenter and re-prioritize myself and who I want to be going forward. I probably needed the rest, but it’s time to get back to it!

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Ironically, I just finished Rest is Resistance, and normally, I’d say get right to it, but now, I’m thinking if you feel you need the rest…that’s probably true 😉

      Either way, best of luck as you re-center and re-prioritize and Happy New Year ❤

      Liked by 2 people

    2. I thought I replied to this, but it was under the wrong person’s comment :-/

      Ironically, I just finished Rest is Resistance, and normally, I’d say get right to it, but now, I’m thinking if you feel you need the rest…that’s probably true 😉

      Either way, best of luck as you re-center and re-prioritize and Happy New Year ❤

      Liked by 2 people

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