Monday Notes: It Was the Worst of Times

~ kegarland

The world feels hella weird right now. Do you feel it? Is it just me? I partly blame the pandemic. It seems to be where things explicitly went awry on a global scale.

Politics, aside, living through a pandemic was weird and traumatic, but mostly traumatic. I’ve commented on a few blogs and other social media that I feel as if we all have collective anxiety (and maybe depression). During the height of death and disease, many of us suppressed our fears with booze and sourdough bread recipes. Do you realize that some of us didn’t even stop working? We Zoomed our way through, while people suffered and died with a new virus. Now, many of us are here, pretending we didn’t experience collective trauma: returning to school, working in person, and yes, like my husband and me—traveling.

It’s just weird.

As I write this, Hurricane Ian is headed toward Florida, the state where I live. In general, hurricanes don’t worry me. We’re in a city where we rarely see anything beyond a tropical storm, with high winds and rain. However, this hurricane feels different when juxtaposed against a pandemic backdrop. I mean, first comes the pestilence, then the natural disaster, right? I’m no bible scholar, so I’m not sure. But I can’t help but wonder if we’re headed toward religious prophecy. It’s the implication of the disaster that’s disconcerting, not the disaster itself. No matter the outcome, I’m sitting here writing an essay about how it feels, while Dwight works.

That’s weird, right?

Speaking of Florida, I’ve been meaning to tell ya’ll about how busy our governor has been. Since the summer, he’s disenfranchised teachers, women, and professors. His latest feat was accepting immigrants from Texas and flying them to Martha’s Vineyard. Normally, I would be outraged, but I don’t have the bandwidth. Politicians are stereotyped as those who don’t really care (democrat, republican, or otherwise); however, this seems a bit far. It seems common sense to me that physically using people as political pawns is unethical and shouldn’t be debatable. It’s weird that this isn’t a baseline of agreement, that there are people out here defending or deflecting the governor’s actions.

It’s also weird that I’ll be turning 50 next year. I’m a big birthday celebrator and party person. To that end, Dwight has something brewing…on an island. Pretty cool, right? Well, it would be if death and destruction weren’t constantly looming. The island on which we’d intended to celebrate is underwater: the media keeps showing a bridge floating in the ocean, separating the people and their access to the mainland. It feels selfish to plan a milestone birthday during these times, but you know, if the earth is still intact, I’d love to be sunbathing off the Caribbean. So, we’ve chosen a different place, one that isn’t in hurricane alley. This is weird. I know.

Do you know there’s still a war going on between Russia and Ukraine? Did you know there’s something going on with the United States and Taiwan that could result in a war…with China? Did you also know Nostradamus predicted the “Great War,” which philosophers associate with World War III? It’s supposed to occur in 2023…for seven months.

Weird.

I started to write “3 Ways to Live in Uncertain Times.” This is an inspirational blog, after all. But I couldn’t, mainly because I’ve only found one way. Every day, I wake up, look around, check the socials to make sure QAnon followers didn’t start an American civil war in the middle of the night or that the world didn’t fall apart, in general, then I start my day with goals, as if we’re not living in a pandemic, while facing natural disasters in every corner of the world, as we dodge multiple global wars. It’s probably a form of suppression or willful ignorance. Either way, I make plans, as if there’s a normal future ahead. Then, I repeat.

Weird, I know.

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89 thoughts on “Monday Notes: It Was the Worst of Times”

  1. I feel this. At a certain point, it’s not possible to sustain so much anxiety so you just have to keep going about normal life. I recall reading something similar written by someone living in an area under frequent terror attacks. There’s fear and terror, and then there’s also work, errands, birthdays, normal life going on at the same time.

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    1. It’s just something I can’t quite put my finger on. Life is exhausting and nothing’s really changed personally, except all of the things I’ve mentioned above in terms of society, and I’m not sure we’ve taken the time to process any of the things.

      I also get living in trauma, yet having to deal with…life. It’s just a lot sometimes.

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  2. Thank you for sharing!!.. rather than concentrate on the weird, I follow Mr. Bennett’s advice; “Don’t be pushed around by the fears in your mind. Be led by the dreams in your heart.” (Roy T. Bennett ).. 🙂

    Until we meet again…
    May your day be touched
    by a bit of Irish luck,
    Brightened by a song
    in your heart,
    And warmed by the smiles
    of people you love.
    (Irish Saying)

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  6. Its very wierd for sure, I think alot of the issues today is that no one heeded scientists , who speculated and did research about various diseases and catstrophes caused by climate change and such. And the other people we ignored were political analysists and economists as well , who often warned about the dangers of imperialism. Whether that be our own or another countries, it’s all pretty detrimental to the human race as a whole. I often feel like we live in bizarre science fiction setting , just a bit more boring, but hey we have war robots (boston dynamics ),and inceasingly high rent prices everywhere. It’s terrible for sure. Also I read somewhere a church was using spyware on thier congragation’s phones. Like if that isn’t the most bizarre in real life cyberpunk dystopia .

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    1. LMAO it is definitely more boring. I thought we’d all be running for our lives or hiding. Instead, I’m going to work and waiting for the apocalypse lol (but not funny).

      I agree with you about ignoring all of the warnings. And now, you’re seen as cuckoo if you believe in “climate change” or “global warning” :-/

      Spyware on the congregation’s phone? But why, though???

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      1. So the church spyware was meant to spy on the congregation so they don’t look at porn sites , but the app is banned on apple and other app sites since they can literally steal all your information with app . It just runs in the background . I just thought it was funny that a church was doing this .
        And yeah I think remember reading from an archeologist who the last parts of empire aren’t really fire and brim stone , it’s just business as usual for a lot of people .

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  7. Thank you for saying all the things. Weird, indeed. What’s really weird is in some spaces these important matters are rarely discussed and when brought up a taboo like response is presented. Thanks for normalizing the wonders, thoughts, and feelings.

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  8. Weird indeed. You about covered it all Kathy. I laugh instead of cry. Some sourdough bread with a slab of butter might help.
    Glad you’re safe and still choosing to do life in spite of everything. If it starts raining frogs here I’ll let you know 😉 ❤️

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  11. So much anxiety and I just celebrated my birthday for most of a month because, why not?!
    I just returned from a week seeing a lot of childhood friends and visiting schools doing author presentations all of which was gratifying and celebratory in a different way. So much reflection about life, the current state of the world, friends lost … but it’s important to embrace the joy when we can.

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    1. “because WHY NOT?!?!?”

      Congrats on all of the things, Laura (and happy belated birthday)!

      It is important to embrace the joy when we can, which quite honestly, is more often than not, probably.

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  12. Firstly, are you okay in FL? I know you posted this yesterday so I’m hoping you’re still in tact and safe?? Also, yes to everything you said. I’m feeling weird too and not in a good way. My friend said it sounds like I’m tired. And it’s weird bc I never really feel tired, in a life sense, because I’m really good at not overdoing it. But either life is harder or I am overdoing it. Or, like you said, we’re all still living with trauma, but we have no idea. This concept fascinates me. Because I agree, I don’t think I’ve treated the aftermath of these last few years as PTSD-worthy, but I think they might be. I tie everything back to my breakup, but that was just one part of it. The question is, how do we heal? I suspect it should be with gentleness and lots and lots and lots and lots of time. What do you think?

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    1. We’re good, girl! You know I would’ve posted in my stories if there was any issue lol

      Thanks for this affirming comment, too!

      You know…I hate to sound cliché, but I think the first step is admitting it and talking about it with others. I don’t think we really have conversation about all of the things. It’s like this big-ass elephant in the room, right? And we’re all just happy to be “outside” and doing things like in the before times, but none of us are the same, not one of us.

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  13. Humans have faced challenges during the evolution of consciousness since we climbed from the trees. It has shaped our skillset of how to respond and formed the will to continue no matter the odds. Now we are finally faced with nature’s responses to our ignorance and whatever looms ahead of us, we must and will adapt. Of course, we can expect a selection process and those over-civilised individuals on top will possibly be the first to go! But hey, we had been exposed to similar daunting outlooks (maybe not on this scale) before and so far we have not lost our will to live!

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      1. Let’s be realistic, it is not a question of survival but a chance for new beginnings. The outcome to be expected is everyone’s guess, but modern technologies might not be part of the mix, as resources, supply chains and population density are depleted. The positive aspect is, it will give nature time to heal before we come up with sensible solutions how to avoid the mistake of mindless exploitations of previous cultural periods.

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  14. Yeah, it’s been a tough few years, hasn’t it? I think it’s very hard not to feel stressed right now. What bothers me is the “them and us” mentality that is on steroids right now. It’s encouraged by the news and by politicians, because it keeps them in power. I think people tolerate extreme behavior in their own party because of the extremists in the other party….you know, like, “Well, what we’re doing is bad, but if we aren’t in power, then what THEY do will be even worse!” And so we overlook abuse of power unless it’s done by the other guy.
    Personally, in the past two years I’ve been more worried about cancer than Covid, but I’m also having a hard time letting go of that particular fear. Whatever we fear gets a grip on us, and it’s hard to loosen that grip! Thanks for writing what so many of us feel.

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    1. I hear you. I hate to feed into it, but I think “they” are the ones who are stirring the pot and creating all of the ideas of violence, while “we”/”us” just want to live.

      I think you’re right about party affiliations. They’re very identity based, and it seems that people almost take fill-in-the-blank thing personally, as if you’re personally attacking them when you have a difference of opinion.

      I’m glad you mentioned your husband’s health. I wonder about people who have a double-traumatic experience. Cancer is hard enough on its own.

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      1. You’re not feeding into it, you’re just being honest. I think all people are hard wired to think in terms of “them and us” (how else do you explain the popularity of the Super Bowl, where people randomly choose a team and root like hell for it?). The key, I think, is not to let that morph into a fear and a distrust of anyone who thinks or looks differently. It’s easier for me to do in politics because I’m not a democrat or a republican, but believe me, I have my “thems” too! And yeah, my husband having cancer in 2020 wasn’t an example of good timing…. Thanks for getting what I meant!

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  15. You’re not alone but I know you’re already aware of that. I’m nearing my 40’s and have been feeling the weight of my own mortality lately. My friends have been dying, of COVID, of cancer, of car accidents and substance abuse issues. My mom is nearing 60 and Nikolai is inches away from double digits because he’s turning 8 soon. It feels heavy and when I wrote a post about it on Facebook, many of my friends agreed with me. The cost of living is so high that the middle class are becoming poor. I hope you faired well in Florida. I know so many didn’t. It’s okay to not be inspirational all the time. Sometimes honesty is inspiration enough.

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    1. First, my condolences. That’s a lot of loss and grief.

      “Sometimes, honesty is inspiration, enough” deserves its own blog post, LaShelle.

      Yes to everything you’ve said here, especially the cost of living. I’m surprised by how much I spend in one weekend and what I have to show for it. I also think people who thought they were middle class are about to find out they really weren’t. I say this because the gap is always so wide in terms of who is in that category. $5.00 eggs and $4.00 gas is about to separate us all.

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      1. I couldn’t agree more. It’s hard to keep up with the rising cost of feed for our farm. We have to get creative ❤️. Hopefully land clearing will help so we plant more things this next year.

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  16. One of the few exciting things in the world thus far is receiving an email notification of your Monday Notes posts.

    As for surviving our world right now, my mantra is “This too shall pass”.

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  17. You know, I signed up to read a lot of blogs, and yours is one of the few that I’ve stuck with. When I was in high school, our history teacher had us read a translation of an ancient Babylonian text where the guy just complains about the state of the world, the youth being corrupted, the horrible politicians, and drought. I find this somewhat hopeful. Tbh, given my experience as a mom (and I love my kids), I’m surprised humanity made it this far. We are not incredibly oriented towards survival all the time….All in all, we’re probably (in the grand sense of the universe) weirdly lucky.

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    1. Aw man! I appreciate you saying this. It means a lot.

      In terms of the ancient Babylonian text, are you saying we’re probably gonna be alright?

      And LOL I think luck is definitely the case. I literally told my husband the other day that I think we’ve learned how to carve out spaces on earth, where people probably shouldn’t even be living (i.e., extreme cold, extreme heat, etc.), but we do it anyway, and then complain about how the earth works.

      Anywho, thanks for this comment!

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    1. I hear you. I try not to, but there seem to be these waves of death and destruction that are un-ignorable (I think I made that word up).

      I keep hearing post-50 is where liberation and all the cool kids are, so I’m looking forward 😉

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  19. Well, you summed it well, Katherin. I think “weird” is an understatement. I see it as sad and tragic. Although, I remember being in terror of a nuclear war when I was growing up. I experienced an earthquake when I was 7 and I really thought it was the end of the world.
    On a side note, turning 50 was momentous for me. I experienced such a renaissance that is truly indescribable. I had no idea what was ahead for me when I turned 50. It was the beginning of a new life.

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    1. Your comment makes me think that as long as the earth is flying through space, we’re gonna have some sort of threat.

      I keep hearing about these glorious post-50 times! This makes me hopeful 😉

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  22. But Biden has been sending immigrants all over the country by jet, some at 2:00am, making it look very clandestine. As a side note, people who are against illegal immigration- not legal immigration – are told that these people will have hearings in 5-10 years, yet the white, Uber rich of my state had these people removed in less than 48 hours from Martha’s Vineyard. Let’s not forget what the mayor of Baltimore said – that Governor Abbot had turned her city into a border town. Really? How about the crisis on our real border towns? I guess it’s ok to tell everyone how inhumane other people are until it happens to them. “Laws for thee but not for me”. I do agree with the rest of your post, the world post covid is a strange place.

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      1. The baseline would be our immigration system. It’s law, and shouldn’t be broken because some don’t agree with it. The strain that illegal immigration puts on school systems, health systems and law enforcement is overwhelming right now. Securing the border, like every other country, would go a long way to help alleviate the pressure.

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      2. We’re talking about two different things, I think. After someone’s broken the law, then what should be done? Is it okay to take immigrants from another state, trick them to getting on a plane, and ship them to another state to prove a point? That’s the baseline I’m wondering about.

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      3. Point taken, but on the other hand, to ignore standing law so egregiously as to violate your oath of office to defend the laws of this country for political gain is much worse. If Biden secured the border (now over 2 million illegal crossings under him), we wouldn’t be having this discussion. But as long as the impact is felt far away from liberal enclaves, more of the same should be expected from both sides.

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  24. Thanks for putting words to my thoughts. I woke up feeling all of this today. I thought at first it was just because it’s a Monday, but I see the news and I wonder where all the shock is, where the common sense is? Everything seems so political now. If your party does something, then it’s fine. If the other does it, then it’s an outrage. As you mentioned, where’s the decency. Thanks for sharing and please hang in there!

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  25. You kind of hit it on the nail, didn’t you. I never want to hear the word lockdown again (we had 4 I think, ugh…)

    My Swiss, Italian and German friends and family are talking about a serious energy crisis in Europe due to the ongoing political drama overseas and the threat of more wars. They could potentially not have electricity or heat (or internet) for weeks in the midst of winter. In other places, there are storms wrecking havoc, fires burning out of control… it’s nuts.

    I sit here in my little corner in relative safety feeling internally anxious but have within reach all the necessities and some luxuries right at my finger tips. It’s one of the reasons I haven’t written publicly as much – I feel like my perceived, internal problems, the aches and pains of mental health, come across as insignificant when people are dying of disease or battling storms that wipe out their entire livelihood.

    Wonderfully thought-provoking post. Thank you for sharing.

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    1. Thanks, Claudette!

      It’s a lot. I know what you mean. I’ve felt similarly. I almost didn’t blog about our last trip, because it felt ‘wrong’ when so many people are in dire straits for one reason or another.

      I forget where I heard this, but remember, we’re not playing trauma Olympics. Your distress (no matter what) is just as important as someone else’s 😉

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  28. Yeah, life is weird now. Nothing is normal. It seems my life has been shuffled around, and now I am trying to decide what to trash, what to keep, and where to find new doctors, church, routines, etc. Maybe this attempt to improve my life is just wasted effort. Maybe there is no solution, but to keep living, while waiting for the next disaster to happen. I just don’t like living in such a crazy world, where violence, hate and disaster is “normal”.

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  29. First off, I love that you started that first sentence using “hella”, lol. I’ve been criticized from so-called scholars for it, smh.
    Regarding the remainder of the post, I’m glad to discover I’m not the only one wondering or at least the thought crossed my my mind with all the disasters back to back if we are facing a religious prophecy.
    Seems the world isn’t able to recover fully from one disaster before another strikes. Be it pandemic, war, fire, storms, inflation…I know I know , you get my point. I’ll stop rambling.

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  30. LOL! I totally agree with you regarding the collective anxiety and depression we have all gone through. I’ve been commenting on it for a while, as I see the reason why so many normally sane people turned to QAnon and other similar organizations, as a way for them to express those feelings.

    Unfortunately, anxiety often gets expressed as anger, which we’ve been seeing for quite a while now. We live in a grind culture that requires us to suppress our emotions and good judgment in favor of going beyond our limitations physically and mentally, so it’s no wonder that we’re seeing so many angry people needing to vent those suppressed fears and anxieties.

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    1. I hadn’t thought about it like that, Tamara! I guess those types of organizations really can be an outlet for negativity or stewing emotions.

      I completely agree with that second paragraph. It’s like I’m waiting for everyone’s collective “top to blow.”

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      1. Right?! I don’t think it’s a coincidence that QAnon et al became so popular during the pandemic. Everyone was scared and frustrated and needed answers and to blow off steam. Those groups afforded people all those things, a 1 stop shop if you will!

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  31. Great written content here Kegarland, aside from the negative words here such as the pandemic which also cause anxiety to me, I lost a Job I loved that year due to COVID-19 but Thank God I am alive right. I am glad you will be Turning 50 next year, you have lived a good life though partying at 50😂😂 is a mistake to me. Keep writing great stuff I like it👏👏

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  33. Thanks for sharing your heart Kathy. Yes, these are strange and turbulent times that seem to be spiraling out of control. I wish I was more grounded in my spirit and intuition. Many people are predicting a falling apart of the old systems to hopefully allow a rebuilding based more on love and cooperation.

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    1. I mean, individually, that tends to happen with people: things fall apart to be re-built stronger/differently. I really do hope that’s what’s happening with our communities and world.

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  35. Concentrate on today, on the things you can control. The rest is wasted mind space. Just live your best today with blowing all your savings on an underground bunker

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