Monday Notes: Resisting Social Norms

The other day, I went for my biannual haircut. The difference is I’ve been growing my gray hair out since 2021. It’s blossomed a lot faster than I’d anticipated, adding about four inches of snowy white strands on either side of my head, and a salt-and-pepper effect from my crown to the nape of my neck. 

“I saw your pictures on Instagram,” my stylist said. “And I was like, ‘oh, she must done decided to let it all go.’” 

I laughed and assured her that was exactly what I’d decided. 

“It’s been harder than I thought,” I told her. “One time my husband looked over and asked, ‘are you just gonna have a big gray afro?’ But you know…I haven’t decided what I’m gonna do with it just yet.” Then, I confided, “I almost re-dyed it.” 

“Hmmmph,” she replied.

Usually, my stylist finishes my cut and dramatically swirls me around to face the full-length mirror. This time, though, she turned the chair slowly. “Yeah. It’s all just out there,” she said borderline dismayed. “You gotta do something: cut it, color it, braids.” 

“Do I?” 

“Yeah! You gotta give your husband something to look at, glrl. He don’t wanna see that!” she said, referring to my reflection.


People say a lot of things to me. I imagine it’s because I’m open to authentic conversations that lend themselves to a safe space for others’ internal thoughts. When these bursts of opinions occur, oftentimes I’m quiet. I don’t know what to say because so much is going through my head. That’s what happened the day my stylist told me I needed to give my husband something to look at.

I wanted to tell her that her perspective was based on society’s predisposition to bend toward the male gaze. Women are born into a system where we we’re taught to worry about wearing clothes to attract a man, but not wearing clothes where we appear like so-called sluts; female athletes adhere to dress codes that represent the 19th century, instead of the 21st, and still cater to wearing athletic clothing intended to appeal to men; as children, we’re taught to follow K-12 dress codes that teach girls their bodies are something to be policed because boys don’t know how to control their hormones; and we’re implicitly taught to dye our hair as we age, so that we can be more appealing…to men. 

But I was in a hair salon, not a lecture hall, so I said this, instead: “Luckily, I have high self-esteem.” Then, I paid my bill, shared a final laugh, and left. 

However, the thought that another woman, who is a licensed beautician, would suggest to me that the only way to be beautiful is to create an illusion with a cut, color, or braids weighed on me for a couple days. 

Here’s why.

Her comment implied that I’m less desirable, because I have gray hair. And that’s ridiculous. I have a whole-ass body attached to my hair. Since wearing my hair the way it naturally grows out of my head, I’ve also done the following with my body: straightened my teeth, embraced wearing high-waisted bikinis, and worn clothes that fit my personality. Also worth mentioning, my blood pressure, HDL, LDL, A1c, and weight are low. Lastly, I think I look pretty good.

Do I sometimes want my hair to be the reddish-brown color with which I was born? Sure. Gray hair does shift your appearance, but regardless, I’m me. Shouldn’t I love me—the way I look? Shouldn’t I appreciate how I look today, not long for the beauty of yesteryear? 

I don’t want to be too hard on my current stylist. I have nothing against her personally. She—like many of us—is a product of our society. Resisting social norms is hard work. Social constructs abound. Someone makes “the rules,” and we follow them. That’s why I started dying my hair in my thirties. Whether it was family, friends, or the media, I’d learned that gray hair was for a specific decade of life, even though the average age to begin going gray is in your 30s. So, when I found my first strand, I followed suit. I professionally dyed my hair so much one year, it fell out in clumps. You know who advised me to stop over-processing my hair? No one, not even the stylist I had at the time. Women, especially professional beauticians, condone covering up signs of aging, while simultaneously promoting the loss of ourselves and our own sense of beauty. It’s the norm. 

But I wish it would stop. 

I wish we could be happy just being our natural selves. I wish we would stop worrying about impressing men or other women. I wish we could look in the mirror and love what we see, no matter what. 


118 thoughts on “Monday Notes: Resisting Social Norms

  1. Well, the stylist is in the business of covering up that grey. Still I’m surprised she seemed to be a bit dismissive of your friendly opposing opinion. I’ve never dyed my hair and right now, it seems too much cost and effort to start.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m happy to hear you’ve never dyed your hair, Jean. It seems like a cumbersome process just to look our younger self 😉

      And yes…I suppose because she is in the business of covering the gray, she had to be dismissive lol

      Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree. We’re all a product of our environment in some way or another. I just hope we have the space and time to step back to think about if we really believe a thing (my hair shouldn’t be gray) or if it’s something we’ve been conditioned to believe.

      Thanks a bunch for this comment!

      Like

  2. Thank you for sharing a part of your world and wonderful photo!!.. just be you and the world will be a better place!.. I usually follow my heart, rarely go wrong… “It is not easy to find happiness within ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.” (Agnes Repplier)… 🙂

    Until we meet again..
    May love and laughter light your days,
    and warm your heart and home.
    May good and faithful friends be yours,
    wherever you may roam.
    May peace and plenty bless your world
    with joy that long endures.
    May all life’s passing seasons
    bring the best to you and yours!
    (Irish Saying)

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I had a similar converstaion in a hair dye community on fb. It was back some years ago when grey and silver dyes were really becoming the IT thing for the alt hair scene. A few people were trying to do the ageist arguments that it was rude to dye hair grey if you weren’t old or the other strange imo argument that young people should enjoy their hair and they shouldn’t want to embrace silver or grey as a beauty standard. i asked why not> why isn’t grey or silver beautiful? I worked with an italian lady who beautiful silver white hair. She went grey really young and that would’ve been a shame to cover . So I definitely don’t see why there’s still a stigma about grey or silver. It’s 2022 too. Also I wanted to say I love your silver streak , it makes you look like a super hero lady!

    Like

    1. I remember that wave. I tried to convince my hair stylist to dye all of my hair gray/silver, but she said it would damage my hair, because you have to strip it and then dye it (I’m sure you know this based on following your blog).

      I think I’m gonna embrace the super hero lady status, though 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I love all your posts but this one is personal for me. It speaks to how we value ourselves and our acceptance about all the changes that happen during the process of getting older. We must love ourselves through it all. If we don’t accept ourselves how can we expect others to accept us as we are. I love your work. Continue to show us how to show up as our authentic selves.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. This really means a lot to me, so thank you, really. I appreciate all of the support you’ve given throughout the years (including reading the books).

      Something that shouldn’t be hard (showing up as our authentic selves) really is, and I think it’s because we’ve collectively bought into all of the things. Anywho. I’m glad you hear me and get what I’m saying ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I really think women are harder and more judgemental to other other women than men are. Fellow women point all the flaws that I feel like the men would barely notice. Maybe my husband is just uniquely oblivious and self-absorbed, and my female friends uniquely judgy, but that’s been my experience.

    Anyway, great photo! Killer attitude and love the dress!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I relate! It started with pandemic hair, don’t care. I had a stylist say something similar when I mentioned embracing my natural color. Her comment wasn’t about attracting men as much as appearing younger. I get it—she’s making her money this way. I didn’t go back to her. About a year ago, I colored my hair for the first time in a couple of years. When the time came for more color, I had COVID. So now, another five months later, I’m ready to embrace my authentic self. 💪🏻 #resisting

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Hi KE,
    Another wonderful timely post for me. The gray hair is a struggle now, but I am not ready to embrace it yet. I am slowly lightening it, until the brown becomes blonde, then gray – I have a plan.
    My mom is 87 and she wouldn’t be caught dead with gray hair, so she still colors it. She is from a time, that, according to her, gray hair is a sign of laziness and carelessness. I am glad we are evolving from that.
    Blessings to you, and you do look amazing!!! You go girl, rock that whole-ass body!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ana, I understand. At first, I was going to have my stylist dye it ALL gray, last year, but she said that’s unhealthy lol it strips your hair or something :-/ Point is, I totally understand your plan.

      I also get your mom! My grandmother will be 96, and she still dyes her hair! She leaves the front part gray, and dyes the rest black.

      Thank you for this compliment ❤ Best to you as you work your plan 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  8. You look INCREDIBLE and I’m not just saying that. Your hair looks beautiful and I love that you tied all of this together so beautifully. I struggle with my weight. I’ve been severely underweight because of my health and I’m currently over weight. Recently I decided that even though I’d like to loose some pounds… I enjoy eating food. For 9 years, I didn’t get to do that because I threw up several times a day, everyday. My husband loves me. My son thinks I’m beautiful. I’m happy… So who cares what anyone else thinks about me.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. For sure…I already don’t go very much, since deciding to let my hair style grow out, in general, so I’m sure she sees dollar signs floating away.

      I’m headed to check out what you’ve written soon.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. I loved every bit of this writing. I am in my early thirties and see some gray hair. I’m torn between dyeing my hair or letting gray hair take over. And to be honest with you, I sometimes feel the decision is not up to me. Society makes it.

    I live in Japan, and I’m yet to see a single woman in their 30s, 40s, 50s, or even 60s with gray hair. They do have gray hair, but they aren’t “allowed” to show it. They would be bullied and outranked as soon as they embraced aging. Aging is like having cancer here: you can have it, but you don’t have to “bother” others by showing it.

    And I’m not angry at your beautician, either. It would be hard to contain myself if she told me the same thing, but I see where she’s coming from, too. I am married, and my husband has a lot more gray hair than I do. Never once have I told him that he should dye his hair. A lot of men do in Japan. I just don’t care if he has gray hair or black. I’m glad he has a head and is alive. That’s what matters to me. And people have greater qualities than their mere hair. As you said, they have bodies attached to those heads, emotions, and thoughts.

    I don’t know if I will give in one day and go to a hair salon, but for now, I know my value cannot be measured by my hair color.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. First, thank you for this comment ❤ You're not crazy to think society is definitely making the decision (whether it is your mom or the culture at-large). To me, that's the only reason we can't do something as simple as let our hair grow out of our head the way it biological does. We've been conditioned to believe something is wrong with that, with us!

      We visited Japan in 2015, and I noticed the same thing. Everyone's hair is dark brown of jet black. It's the same in the States…once I made the decision to let my hair be gray, I started observing how many people DO NOT have gray hair, who based on my guess at their age, should have one or two strands lol

      Anywho, whatever you decide, just know it's hard for many of us, even though it should be 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  10. I whole-heartedly agree and feel the same way. I am in my last year of my 30s and started going gray a few years ago. By going gray I mean getting lots of gray strands here and there. I am in the in-between (I’d almost rather either go all gray than what’s happening up there lol)… but anyway, it was right around the time Covid hit but also, I had never been one to ever focus on my appearance as much nor did I EVER dye my hair.. I wasn’t going to start then (during a world-wide pandemic)! So I said to myself, NO, I ain’t doing it. I am proud of my grays and I’m currently in the stage of accepting all those strands of gray! Wish everyone had your perspective!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. First of all, I went kicking and screaming into my 30s. Had no idea what was in store lol

      I totally get what you’re saying about the in-between part. I wish my hair was all one color; for some reason, I feel like that would be better…

      What should be the easiest thing on earth (being oneself), is the hardest because of this society we’ve created.

      Anywho…thank you for this comment! I appreciate the camaraderie ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Thank you for posting this! I have told my mom multiple times that when I go grey I’m just going to let it happen or play around with different hair colours, but to have fun not to disguise who I am, and she was HORRIFIED! It just is so sad that society forces us to think this way without even realizing – my mom is not a makeup wearer, hardly wears nail polish or fancy clothes but even so she is fixated on the greys! Good for you for staying true to you!! ❤ Also your photo is gorgeous I love the grey!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for this compliment ❤

      See how crazy that sounds to be horrified that you're going to just "let it happen," as if you've gone bonkers or something. What you've said about "without even realizing it" is my point. It's so ingrained that we think it's abnormal to be yourself, as is.

      Thanks so much for this affirming comment. I appreciate it!

      Liked by 1 person

  12. First of all, you look great! And wow, you packed a lot of wisdom into this post. I agree that from childhood on, women have been conditioned to look good for men. And the other women who judge us on our looks. I found my first grey hair when I was 28, and was horrified, which was encouraged by my stylist who told me flatly on day, “Highlights aren’t hiding your grey anymore. It’s time to just color it.”
    But what intrigued me the most about your post was the truth that so much of the ideal image we pursue is not really how our body naturally ages. When I was young, we were proud when pubic hair arrived, because it meant we had “grown up.” Now pubic hair must be abolished. Curves mean our bodies are maturing, but from puberty on, women must be ultra thin. Grey hair means we’re maturing, so it must be hidden. White women hide their naturally pale skin under bronzers and dangerous tans. The list goes on and on….. Why can’t we accept, and love, our bodies in their natural state?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Ann<3 I've been thinking about it for a long time and also observing people in society. I think your/my stylist's reaction is exactly part of the problem. They push us right in line with what's expected: cover all that gray!

      I'm so glad you get what I'm saying here, because that is it! Biology means we're all aging all the time, and that comes with varied changes. You're so right about how we look forward to or even praise puberty-type stuff, but aging? We'll do anything to cover that up lol

      Anywho, thank you for getting it!

      Liked by 1 person

  13. Beautiful. I found a strand of gray hair a few months ago and I was so excited, and I’m 29 years old. I’ve had an Afro since my early 20s but only recently started embracing my natural beauty this year. Accepting who I am, as I am, and being more than okay with being me. It’s a process unlearning societies expectations and I’m glad we’re talking about it🌸

    Liked by 1 person

  14. I wonder if sometimes it’s biological…like a survival thing. If you are X, you are therefore stronger than others and you will survive better. Obviously, others play a part…but how we appear does suggest who we are to a certain degree. There’s the theory that baby animals are cute to protect them. Maybe that’s what it boils down to. I’m spinning a bit, but who knows

    Liked by 1 person

    1. As in, if you have gray hair at XX age, then that must mean, fill-in-the-blank feature? Could be, right? I’m wondering if covering that up will change the biology, though. Aren’t you still fill-in-the-blank feature, but now you’ve tricked others into believing you’re not?

      Of course, if this isn’t where you were going, then nix that whole thought.

      I feel the spinning. Talked about this with the hubs last night, and I think I tried to put too much into one post; the result (not wanting to wear our hair gray) is an amalgamation of many things, I think.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. If a person has grey hair, one would assume they’re older. Older people are seen as more vulnerable, and therefore, in the case of the zombie apocalypse, they’re the ones who would be used as bait…I think, it the law of nature, older is expendable

        Liked by 1 person

      2. LOL Why do I love this example. Side note: I’ve already told my family to go on without me…I’m not staying here to fight no zombies, so maybe I’m setting myself up for the apocalypse.

        Anyway, I get what you’re saying. And no one wants to be seen as vulnerable or weak, none of us.

        Liked by 1 person

  15. You look fabulous! It is a matter of personal preference, rather than gentleman’s choice. My mother has gorgeous silver hair – every single strand is silver. I’d say you look distinguished and intellectual with gray in your hair. As my friends like to say, “I earned this gray!”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think it can be personal preference, if it really is personal preference. In conversation, there are quite a few people who land on “I don’t like my hair gray,” which I’m not sure is preference, as much as it is, “I’m not comfortable with how my body is changing.”

      Anywho, I could go on and on about this (obviously lol). Thanks a bunch for this comment, Rebecca! And thank you for the compliment ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  16. Yes, the terror regimes of fashion! It used to be the prerogative of the roman oligarchy only; it took a break during the dark ages and was revived during the Italian renaissance. But it appears it has become a challenge to ‘age gracefully’ in our modern era.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Good post! First of all, yes you do look gorgeous in that picture. As for dyeing, I have to say it’s a matter of choice and personal preference. Choosing to dye or not dye should not be seen as a reflection of how comfortable we are in our skins. That’s the beauty of this world, women of all ages and colors having the choice of having hairs of different texture and color, whether real or dyed, confident and feeling proud. I have never dyed my hair in my life because of a little belief I have about the correlation of dyeing and early graying, but I cannot promise you that I will not start experimenting with colors once the graying starts taking over!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, Janice and thank you ❤

      I agree that it can be choice and preference, but only if the person has really thought about why they're doing it, which I'm not sure everyone really does. For example, I have a friend who loves wearing wigs; her personality is to throw on a different wig, like it's a costume (she's also an actress). I have not doubt that she loves herself and has chosen this as self-expression. I had another friend who lived with alopecia. She also had different wigs, and I know it was because she felt uncomfortable with how her hair was shedding.

      I do believe everything you've said, for sure. I'm just not sure we give the "why" much thought.

      Either way, like you said, I support you whatever you decide to do once you get there lol

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Unfortunately, our whys will always be tainted by “societal norms” but regardless of that, I think a lot of us make choices about the way we look based on what WE look in the mirror and see. Some look and are at total peace with what they see, others need a little time getting there. Perfectly normal and okay, I think 😊. Good thought-provoking post 👍

        Liked by 1 person

  18. Ooh, this is a word!

    “And that’s ridiculous. I have a whole-ass body attached to my hair.” 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

    And I think you look phenomenal! That white dress is a beauty, and you are working it! I’m not sure what your stylist is seeing, and I love gray hair!

    Mine is growing in streaks at the top of my head and on the sides, and I truly love it.

    Continue to embrace yourself, Kathy!

    Liked by 1 person

  19. OMG I have such strong opinions about this!! From one silver fox to another, firstly, I feel you. It takes so much courage to go gray bc of these kinds of bullshit responses we have to field from society. That comment that your stylist made actually made my jaw drop, literally, as I was reading! I agree that a lecture would’ve been awkward at the time, but I’m also the kind of person who would never go back to her again! I also think it’s important to look at going gray as this naturally beautiful act of Mother Nature. And when we try to tweak her work, it’s almost disrespectful to her. I know that sounds extreme and maybe that’s how I rationalize keeping my grays, but I really do feel this way. You look sooooooo hot in that pic and I actually think the grays add to the look. The thing society reacts to is the energy of “I’m wise, I’m courageous, I’m hot no matter what, can you handle it?” And so many people can’t, including other women. I mean, I get it, your stylist is in the business of beauty and they’ll be out of a job if everyone decides to go gray. But oh well!! Anyway, I love it, and if Mama Nature gives you a gray Afro, I say yes!!! 🤍🤍🤍

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’ve been waiting on youuuuu, Libby ❤

      Of course, I agree with everything you've said here. It's such a challenge to just exist the way biology intended, and it's no accident. (I think) we've all been conditioned to look and be as young as possible, and well, it's just exhausting.

      It took a week or so, but I decided after that that we needed to part ways. She just isn't the person I need in this phase right now 😉

      And thank you for that compliment. I appreciate you ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Aww I love that you were waiting for me that’s amazing 🤩 And yes, I support your decision. Because really, a stylist/beauty person is really in our lives to support our beauty and if the inner self-love stuff isn’t really considered, then they’re just not getting what real beauty is about. Sounds like she just wasn’t aligned and I’m glad you dumped her 💔 And yes, don’t get me started on the youth bullshit and also the deal with men getting sexier as they age and women becoming crone-like in the eyes of others. Just no. 🙄 But I do think the more society begins to see women who are beautiful in their powerful silverness, the more they will become accustomed to considering this beautiful. We just need to teach them, and it’s true pioneering work that we’re doing, at least that’s what I think!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. That’s all I’m saying. If they don’t get the inner beauty or that beauty can look a million different ways, then really they’re just peddling the agreed-upon beauty standard, which I wholeheartedly believe is based on men’s opinions.

        I agree that we just haven’t seen enough of it to make a shift, so you’re right. The more people see it, the more it will be the accepted norm, instead of hiding and covering things up…or not lol Maybe what will come out of it is an authentic view of how people look.

        Liked by 2 people

  20. If people want to color their hair, I got no problem with that, whatsoever. No prejudice about it. It’s just a thing people do. But I like silver in women in my age bracket 40-50, I think it’s gorgeous when it first starts to really come in. I like the silver in my partner’s hair, I think it’s cool. But it’s funny how insidious cultural hang-ups about graying are, every once in a while my own kids make wisecracks about the silver hairs in my hair or their mom’s. We don’t make a big deal about it because we just don’t care but at the same time we’ll remind them that’s a pretty big no-go zone for a lot of people. The white in my beard is annoying because it makes me look like Santa Claus. Do I like staying youthful as possible? yes. But aging happens, I try to embrace the cosmetic things that happen. My personal opinion answer to your question is, you should definitely just be happy with how you feel and look. Your stylist has gotten brainwashed by pretty mainstream cultural attitudes about aging, that crap is annoying. it’s too bad, she may otherwise be a super great person but she’s probably unwittingly made a lot of women feel badly inside with that kind of talk

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Jason! You’re back ❤

      Thanks for this comment. I think it's important for people to look how people look at varied stages of life. I know that we won't all look the same (e.g., I look a little younger in the face than some people our age, while some look older but haven't started graying), but I just wish we had a different beauty standard. You know?

      In terms of my stylist, I'm sure she has said stuff to people, which I'm seeing as just a form of manipulation. Many women wish their hair was different, not just the gray part, so I think most beauticians rely on that feeling to push people to spend money.

      Anywho, I feel like I keep going off on a tangent in these comments, so I'm gonna stop here lol

      Thanks for always adding to the convo! I also like that you and your wife are aging naturally. Kudos to the Santa Clause beard 😉

      Like

  21. Love your vulnerability and bravery, Katherin. I am still coloring my hair – I’m thankful I can do it myself, though it’s such a pain. Sometimes, it feels like a carousel that I’m not sure how to get off of. You inspire me!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Judy ❤

      I was coloring mine myself, too, but it grows way to fast, and ended up dying my hair like once a week :-/

      You have to jump off! Don't listen to me, though. Wearing it as it looks is harder than I thought it was gonna be 😉

      Liked by 1 person

    1. It is definitely a personal decision, and I support anything that helps someone feel good. I just don’t want to feel good based on what others think should be the norm…if that makes sense.

      And thank yoooouuu ❤ I appreciate this comment.

      Like

  22. You. Look Great!

    My grey hair prompts the stylists to say that to me too. Every time. They’re shocked (and disappointed) that I don’t want to play the “anti-aging” game with them. Nope. My grey hair has all been earned. I don’t need to try to hide it, nor do I want to.

    (A stylist also gets to earn more money from dye jobs, which need frequent touch-ups., so we really can’t blame them for trying to “upsell” us!) LOL!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. LOL! Grey hair sisterhood! I personally feel it’s a waste of money to dye my hair unless I decide that I want to rock blue, purple, or any other “unnatural” color! LOL!

        Liked by 1 person

  23. First, no, she didn’t, but okay, lol.

    Secondly, I started graying in my 20s.

    Thirdly, I feel this post wholeheartedly. Especially because I don’t maintenance my locs a lot. I’ll get them tightened, but I’ve never been a fan of that neat, styled look. I had it before and my head was hurting and I could barely smile from the pain. So I was like nope. That ain’t for me. Imma just freestyle it.

    Over the years I’ve had people ask me when I am going to cut it and even if my hair was real. 🙄 I almost didn’t post the pic of me in the hoodie cause my hair is all over the place. But then I was like, so? Who cares? Whoever don’t like it can kick rocks, lol.🚶🏾‍♀️

    I do plan to cut it shorter one day, but it will be because I want to, not because I am pressured to.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Girl. She did. You know the twins in me have it out every time I’m faced with these types of comments lol

      Good for you! I agree about locs when they’re so neat; they remind me of a false sense of perfection. No one’s hair looks like that 100% of the time.

      …and not because I’m pressured to! That’s the part that bothers me. We’re always out here nudging people to get back in line (straighten your hair, color your hair, cut your hair, etc.) just so we can be a part of society’s expectations. It’s exhausting.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks EA ❤

      Meh. I've decided I need a new stylist for additional reasons. My goals for my hair have changed, and she's not the appropriate person at this point in time.

      I totally get it. She has a business to run, mouths to feed, etc., etc. lol but it won't be on my dollar, for sure lol

      But I do hear and understand what you're saying 😉

      Liked by 2 people

      1. We moved out of state and I don’t like how people do my hair. It’s platinum blonde instead of dark blonde with highlights! Ugh. I drove five hours back to my old hairdresser this summer to get my hair back 😊

        Like

  24. Isn’t this just a fantastic article. Also, you look fantastic! 💜

    That picture, to me, shows me a woman in control. Doesn’t matter if you are or aren’t, but you look like it to me.

    Had you not talked about the hair first, my eyes might have looked at a different part of you first, but the grey hair story naturally planted itself into my brain and so of course my eyes went to your head and your hair first.

    Here’s the thing. I color my hair every two weeks. I’m not readybto let the grey exist, not because I feel pressured by society (sinice I don’t even leave the house very often) but because I like the dark hair on me without the gray roots. I like how I look to ME without the grey.

    This may not last forever since coloring my own hair is a pain in the ass and I can’t really justify the expense of doing it at a salon every two weeks so for now this is what I do and who I am.

    Isn’t it interesting how we women have to justify these things on the world wide web… 🤔

    Wonderful article. 🥰

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks, Claudette ❤

      I understand what you're saying for sure. I prefer my hair the way it used to look. Gray looks different, and I used to color mine, like once a week! It was too much (money, time, etc.). It is challenging learning a new way to look, when I've been so used to how I looked before, and even that is amazing to me. It shouldn't be. It should be like, hmmm…this is a change. Let me roll with it.

      I'm really glad you said that out loud…that YOU prefer your hair without gray because of how you look to yourself. That's important, and even though I don't think we should have to say this out loud, I think we do, so we can be honest with ourselves and others about what's happening here.

      Apologies for the tangent lol and also thank you for this comment. It means a lot ❤

      Like

  25. “Women are born into a system where we we’re taught to worry about wearing clothes to attract a man”

    I would imagine it’s part of society, yet also part of nature. Things have evolved to attract even between species. Take a flower – its shape might attract a hummingbird, or its color may attract bees. It’s one of the reasons that I plant flowers in my garden beds – attract pollinators. So, maybe being taught to attract is an extension of natural selection/evolution? IDK.

    Anyway, I agree with you, especially that last paragraph.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I don’t know either, Rob. I know that if you painted a flower because it started to wilt, people would think you were nutz. Pardon my bad extension of your metaphor lol

      I do understand where you’re coming from. We each have features that have evolved to attract other human beings; however, I wished as we aged, we’d each accept that those parts have, well, done their part.

      Thanks for this comment, too ❤

      Like

      1. I was thinking about this. Stylists occupy a very traditionally ‘feminine’ space (in my experience.) They need to be new but also acceptable, please the client in and out of the salon, present good ‘product’ to the world but not be too predictable. They probably have to be at least motivated by a challenge. Maybe you could challenge the stylist to put together a Pinterest board or something of great natural looks for women who want to look their best at their best age or something? Then it reframes the discussion in a way that maybe excites the artistry of the stylist?

        Liked by 1 person

      2. LOL. I have a sometimes client who is on the spectrum and who I help with projects sometimes. He is a really great, objectively moral guy, one of the fighters for marriage equality way back (he’s old-old and his analytical strategic insights into some of the legal battles were really helpful) and actually very well-known and respected in his profession and the running joke amongst some of his old team is that he cannot keep a secretary or a significant other for love or money because he doesn’t get humans. Sometimes, I turn down an opportunity to work with him on a project because same.

        Liked by 1 person

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