Monday Notes: How to Release People and Experiences

<Woo-woo alert> 

Everything is energy. Science tells us that much. It’s the reason you lose weight when you exercise and gain weight when you eat too much: it’s an energy exchange. 

You know what else is related to energy? Frequency. Science teaches us that waves carry energy. The amount of energy they carry is related to their frequency and their amplitude. The higher the frequency, the more the energy, and the higher the amplitude, the more energy

Throughout my life, I’ve come to know two things: one, we’re all composed of energy; therefore, it’s possible to be connected energetically, and two, because we are composed of energy, we can also function on different frequencies. Have you ever received a phone call from someone you were thinking about? Ever walked in a room and felt a little off? For me, the concept of energy and frequencies explains these happenings. 

Still with me? Cool. 


I’ve written before about the importance of releasing people, situations, and experiences, but I don’t think I’ve ever explained how I do this. What follows is my own process based on a compilation of suggestions from books and podcasts. Here are three basic ways I release people and experiences: journaling, cutting energetic cords, and purging

JOURNALING

Recently, a person I befriended in the late nineties commented on this blog about something I did that bothered her. I responded and told her to reach out. She never did. Instead, nine months later, she contacted Dwight, asking if we could both meet her for coffee. My husband told her we could meet, but only after she and I had a conversation, to which she replied, “no thanks.” 

I was angry for a few reasons, which I won’t get into here; however, I knew I needed to release this former friend because we no longer vibed in a way I valued. To release this connection, I journaled something like this: Dear XXX, thank you for being my friend. Thank you for being there when I needed you. I release our connection and am grateful for any and all lessons that came with it. 

I’ve completed this process with a few others in the past, and miraculously, I’ve not heard from them anymore. Our journey together has ended.

CUTTING ENERGETIC CORDS

I completed a doctoral process from 2004-2010. Those six years were the most stressful of my academic and professional life; the experience shifted my perception of universities and myself. I didn’t realize how much grad school changed me until last year, when I had to face my digestive issues. 

This release required phases. First, I began by journaling about my doctoral chair in detail; I included everything I perceived that she’d done as my alleged mentor. I wrote about each year of grad school—things I’d not shared with anyone. Next, I envisioned my doctoral chair’s face and image. Then, I wrote a letter to her, which is a type of journaling. I always begin with gratitude for the person and experience. Next, I wrote an in-depth description of what I wanted to release. In this case, it was my perception of what I thought was supposed to happen in grad school, judgment about my doctoral chair, and judgment about myself as a doctoral student and candidate. 

The final part of this was actually cutting the energetic cord. Here is where I meditated on what I’d written and physically saw myself severing ties/cutting the cord with my chair and the process. 

Prior to this, I couldn’t discuss being a grad student without spiraling into anger. Since cutting the energetic cord, I’ve felt more at peace about attaining a doctorate and what it has meant for me, overall. 

PURGING

Sometimes, a person has been in your life so long that simply journaling is not sufficient enough to release them. Other times, an event may have had such a huge impact in developing who you are as a person that you need to do more than cut an energetic cord. When this is the case, then purging is an option. 

When I found my biological father and his family in 2018, I’d already accepted the circumstances of my biological mother and subsequent adoption in a healthy way. Acquiring new information from my father landed me back in a rumination of what-ifs and a narrative of poor me. Journaling and cutting energetic ties weren’t enough to move me through. 

So, in December 2021, I gathered up pages of my journal and set them on fire in a barbeque grill at a local park. This is called a fire purging ritual

Immediately, I felt free from the burden of my biological father, his wife, and my younger sister. It was magical. I understood that they entered my life for a reason, and I had the power to release them back to wherever they came from…with love.


A COUPLE MORE THOUGHTS

  • Releasing people is not about cutting people off; it’s about moving on. Prior to releasing, I always attempt to hold a conversation to express concerns, so we can move forward together. When that doesn’t occur, then I have to move on independently. 
  • Always release people and experiences with love and gratitude, because in my opinion, there’s a reason why you engaged with those people or had specific experiences. We all help each other in one way or another.
  • Everyone doesn’t need to complete these processes. Some of us have the ability to go with the flow, move on, or accept an it-is-what-it-is mindset. What I’ve described here is helpful for those of us who don’t function in that way.

103 thoughts on “Monday Notes: How to Release People and Experiences

  1. This is very interesting. I understand the connection between you and another energetically. However, I never thought you could cut ties without actually mentioning a word to that person.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. There’s no simple answer for this. I suggest searching for law of attraction on YouTube or something similar. There’s a lot out there about alignment and attracting so-called good things.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Moving on has always been like climbing a hill for me. At times, I reach at the peak & the next thing I know is that I am at the bottom again. This post has really added some perspective. I used to hold on to those terrible memories & never thought of appreciating good ones & releasing them people. Loved it! Thank you

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I had a terrible, terrible time “releasing” a few old friends I really loved, seven or eight years ago. I came to the same conclusion you share in this essay but I never thought of it as “releasing”. But I really like that word. Setting a fire isn’t bad either.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. When I was younger, I used to think of it as cutting people off… and that’s exactly what I did, I cut people out of my life and it caused me pain or sometimes I suppressed that pain and convinced myself it wasn’t pain at all and that I was happy to remove them from my life… but now, with age and experience, I realize there is a HUGE difference between cutting people out and releasing people… I now release people.. I realize that everyone in my life makes a concerted effort to show up for me, and those that don’t deserve to be released (without anger or hate but with compassion).. in doing this, I feel I am able to live a more honest life and be present for those that have chosen me as a priority!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for this comment! I like to think that detaching is a little different, but I hear you. Either way, you’re separating yourself from a person or experience 😉

      Like

  5. I just so needed this. I’ve been struggling releasing some people and the experience I had with them lately, and I can’t even share it to my friends because I’m scared I will be judged as someone who can’t moved on. Instead, I constantly buried the feeling (anger, pain, regrets) deep down below thinking that it will get better with a mindset that time heals everything. I didn’t knew these processes and I will definitely try the one with journal strategy. Thanks for this post!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Time heals nothing. I hope that journaling helps you, at least, to get things out of your head and into a different space. It’s especially helpful when you don’t feel like you have anyone to talk to and have been suppressing your emotions. I really do hope this provides some sort of relief for you ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I am just starting to build my website I get overwhelmed with all the comic energy and signs from the universe. I try to understand it all and it is mind blowing when you can see it and your intuition is so strong. I want to write about it but I don’t know to start my blog. How do I put it into words. ? I thought to myself. I need to find people in the known. I think I found you.

    How did u start your blog

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Lately–as in the last 15-20 years, I release individuals easily, maybe, too easily. Life is hard enough and I just don’t have a lot of time for drama and negativity, so I just don’t bother. I do like the idea of writing (of course) and releasing. Good post. Thanks!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks, Chandra! I get it. I think the first half of my life is where I spent cutting people off, instead of releasing. Now, I’m a bit more mindful, but it doesn’t take long to realize when it’s time to let go 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Thank you for sharing your experience, for us understand a little bit more how to release people and move forward with our life. Move on isn’t the easiest step but it’s necessary for our mental and spiritual health. Xo

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You’re welcome. Thank you for this comment! You’re right. It can be challenging, depending on the situation, but it is most definitely the healthiest thing to do ❤

      Like

  9. I think this could be helpful for me. Thank you for sharing. I’ve had childhood friends cut me out of their life without explanation. Even when I asked them upfront. I spent years unable to release the ordeal. Even still. Do you think it could work in that instance?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I think it could, because it’s like the reverse. It sounds like you’re holding on to a relationship that no longer exists, right? I think that’s common, too. Sometimes, we want closure, but oftentimes, closure isn’t available, so you have to create your own. I think this is one of those cases where journaling, meditating, or purging can be helpful for you to release the relationships with love ❤

      Thanks for this comment, Linds!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That’s exactly how it feels. It’s been nearly 8 years! I still have to see them and talk to them sometimes which makes it hard. Small town. Mutual friends. But I need to work on releasing. Thanks!

        Liked by 1 person

  10. Well written blog here. I agree to an extent that in life we need to learn to release people and experiences because by so doing we don’t waste our energy on people who don’t value you or if you don’t like the way you are valued or treated by them. Moving on is also a healthy thing to do😊👏

    Liked by 2 people

  11. Releasing people and experiences can be hard. But you have a good strategy, in place. Thank you for sharing, Kathy. I think my writing so far has been about releasing people and experiences. I look forward to the day, when I can write or create art for art’s sake. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Khaya! The art for art’s sake is a lesson I’m constantly in process of learning. I was having a hard time with a personal issue, and my sister was like, “why don’t you write about it, but not for consumption?” It was the simplest suggestion, but because of the type of writer I am, not something I’d ever thought of. Since then, I’ve found ways to create for art’s sake. I think we (you and I) share an interest in photography that serves that purpose.

      Liked by 2 people

  12. Thank you for your wise guidance, Katherin. There’s someone I want to let go of in my life. She’s been absent for awhile now and what you wrote was simply a beautiful way for me to move on from her. You words inspire me and the process feels peaceful, instead of painful!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Aww thanks for calling me wise, Judy ❤

      I appreciate that last part. Moving on doesn't have to be painful, right? I think there's probably a lesson about suffering and change in there somewhere 😉 I hope you move through in a way that's peaceful for you.

      Liked by 1 person

  13. I have used art combined with writing to unburden my spirit from old wounds, as well as a way to deal with difficult life circumstances I was in. My most intense healing came from a piece that went through a few stages. I had created a Jackson Pollock style piece which then served as a substrate to which I glued words and paragraphs of my angry thoughts. When my second husband saw it laying on my work table he was deeply disturbed by the extreme negative energy he was feeling from it, and unfortunately that triggered yet another fight between us, and I ended up ripping the piece up, shouting at him “Are you happy now?”.

    He suggested I take the pieces up to the mountain and burn them in a BBQ pit. Even though his suggestion made sense, I became angry with him for being so critical of my work and my process. I packed up those pieces, plus a bunch of other random art supplies, not knowing exactly what I was going to do, but allowed my hands to make the choices. I went up to the mountain, lit some sage in a shell and started my process.

    I was still emotionally attached to the original piece, so I didn’t have the heart to burn everything entirely, so I separated all the small pieces into piles. The obviously angry and negative pieces I put in one pile, while I made other piles for the pieces which seemed less angry, and even one which seemed positive. I put all the negative pieces into a paper bag for burning.

    For some reason my hands had grabbed some colored charcoal papers I had previously imprinted leaf patterns on, and I decided to glue the positive pieces onto these.

    What I discovered about that process was that I could give myself permission to release the negative and just keep the positive pieces and experiences in my life. The analogy hit me so hard that I started crying in relief. I burned the bag of negativity, speaking my thoughts and prayers while the flames burned, I pictured all my thoughts going heavenward to the Angels and to God in the rising smoke. I asked them to help me, to take my emotional burdens I had been carrying in my heart for years, and help me to feel okay about moving forward.

    The purge through fire was very powerful. Being able to descend from the mountain with fresh pieces of artwork helped me see that when we release the negative, we create something ne inside of ourselves, which is precious because it was hard-won.

    Years later I read the book “Adventures of the Soul” by James Van Praagh, and learned about energy and Quantum Physics. My actions I had taken previously made sense and I saw How powerful our thoughts are!

    I truly support the purge by fire process, and when we burn sage we turn it into a personal ceremony of great significance and healing.

    (I see I need to jump off this post into a post of my own.) Thank you for sharing these powerful tools with everyone! Blessings!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Tamara, I think we’re on the same frequency this week 😉

      Thanks, first of all, for sharing this story. The part about your husband’s advice, how you didn’t want to take it (which I totally understand), but then how you made it meaningful for YOU, is inspiring, in and of itself!

      I also like that you raise the issue of readiness. I think that’s something that we oftentimes don’t discuss. It doesn’t matter what you do, if you’re not ready to release or if you’re still wanting to hang out to some part for whatever reason…even burning something will eventually just be a symbol of the action, not THE action.

      Thank you for adding these parts, Tamara! I’m looking forward to reading what you write about, and I’ll be ordering that book soon, too.

      Like

  14. A concept such as the one stated can be hard to completely swallow at once. I have had my own troubles trying to truly apprehend that letting go at times is the best thing one can do. I have lost many friends, keeping them had become like a tough job. At first I was angry at myself for being too easy to let go, but somewhere inside I always knew that it was time to close that persons chapter completely from my life.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks for this comment. I do agree that it can be a lot and also sound like a HUGE shift, but kind of like you said in the end, we always know when it’s time to move on…it’s just a matter of doing so 😉

      Like

  15. Once again, you’ve used your experiences to show others the way to help themselves. Thank you for that! I also write things down in order to mentally and emotionally process them, but I’ve never thought of using writing as a way to let go of the things and people I need to let go of. I love this idea!!!

    Liked by 3 people

  16. Yes, I am complete with you, my journals are full of un-send letters, they were usually written to release tensions or clarify my confused minds. But I am also a headhunter of unsavoury characters, as they supply me with material for short stories or valuable insights about the human condition. Past wives and girlfriends used to question my penchant for hanging around with people I obviously disliked but found interesting nonetheless.
    On the other hand, being German, I had no difficulties telling people to their faces when I did not like them; consequently, I never enjoyed a long-term employment situation. So it is no wonder, that the friends and acquaintances I accumulated over the years are all thick-skinned.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. MC, you make me laugh.

      And yes! I have a whole section called “relationships,” full of things I want to tell people, but I know I never will because, well, sometimes there’s no point.

      Did you used to tell your co-workers/bosses what you thought of them, too???

      Liked by 2 people

  17. Yup sadly a few people on my fb list had to be released . It ws definitely time to move on and it seemed like the longer I had them on my list the more they bothered me. A lot of idealogical issues but they were things that are very important to me. I have been trying to learn when is a good time and when i can reach out to those that do bother me.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I think that’s an important distinction: sometimes, we need to reach out and say something; other times, you can just delete the friendship, on social media and in irl.

      I have to tell you this, too. I recently went through and stopped following 600 people on IG. It changed my whole IG world. I feel lighter and now I actually see people’s posts who I care about seeing.

      Also, FB is the worst…you know I can never pass up an opportunity to share this last part lol

      Liked by 3 people

      1. Yeah I do sometimes reach out when I can but some people are just too stubborn lol
        I heard somewhere that the new update for IG mimicks tiktok which kind of bums me out as I like IG for pictures .
        And yeah FB is a menace lol

        Liked by 1 person

  18. I was just speaking with a new friend I invited for dinner this evening about how we’re all made of energy and how that possibly relates to your spirit once you pass. I love your suggestion of the journaled release. I can relate to the ruminations of what-ifs and poor me related to the death of my son. I have changed my thoughts with time. Like you, I understand my son was in my life for many reasons and am grateful I had 31 years with him. As far as friendships, I’ve also released a few friends in the past few years, but it wasn’t with love and gratitude…so thank you for that advice.

    Liked by 5 people

    1. First, I’m sorry to hear about your son ❤

      That sounds like an interesting conversation. I've thought the same about energy and dying. I think that concept helps to understand that nothing is ever really "dead" the way we seem to talk about it.

      You're welcome! The love and gratitude kinda puts you in a different space with moving on 😉

      Liked by 2 people

  19. I’ve been journaling for a long time, as it’s cathartic. I don’t know if it happens to everyone else, but when I don’t write down what/who bothered me that day, I feel that event/person takes up more space in my mind. It’s always better to put pen to paper and rid my brain of that thing/person.

    There’s recently someone who I would like to release from my life. I’m solely responsible for this person’s entrance into my life because I initiated a conversation with her and thought we vibed together. Over time, she proved to be someone I wouldn’t enjoy connecting with on a deeper level. And superficial and mundane friendships aren’t really my cup of tea. I don’t want to hurt her, but I also don’t know the difference between “cutting people off” and “releasing” them, as you eloquently wrote above.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. The same thing happens with me. I’ve found that when something is bothering me to the point of rumination, the only thing to help is journaling about it. There’s something about putting it on paper that creates a shift.

      For me, the difference is the energy surrounding the release. I mean, the result is the same, whether you cut someone off or release them, but it feels a little different. One feels like anger and the middle finger; the other feels like a balloon floating away.

      In the past, I also thought about who I was when I met the person. For example, for a long time, I was hanging out with unhappy women, who hated being married; guess what I was, too lol Now, that I’m no longer that person, I don’t talk to any of those people; they just kind of fell off, one-by-one for different reasons. I suppose my point is I’m still grateful I knew those women when I did; they served a very real purpose, and once I moved through that experience, it was quite easy to let each balloon float in its own direction.

      Liked by 2 people

  20. I used to think about why some friendships didn’t last and often tried and failed to reconnect but then I started thinking that those people were in my life for whatever reason short or long term, even if short term…it was satisfying to look back.

    Liked by 2 people

  21. You’re speaking my language sister! I’m familiar with this process and I agree it’s sooo healthy. I think it allows us to make space for new and better to come in and is kind of essential for our growth. I love that you wrote about this topic and I hope that people who are new to this are open to absorbing all the wisdom you planted 🌱 in this post! 💚

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thanks, Libby ❤ I hope so, too! You're right about making space for something new, too. A lot of times we're hoping for better friends or a different job, which cannot come to us if we have all our focus on the old relationship and job 😉

      Liked by 2 people

  22. I have used -cutting the cord- before, and it helps. I like the journaling of a sort of -thank you and goodbye- letter. It sounds like a useful thing to do. I will have to try it with someone that -cutting the cord- did not fully work with. Thanks.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well, both parties usually are not adult about it lol that’s why I just move forward on my own a lot of times. As a side note, I’ve noticed that quite a few people have a hard time recognizing and dealing with their emotions, which is step one to being “adult” about something.

      I hear you on the compartmentalization part, though. That served me well when I was younger.

      Liked by 1 person

  23. I need to do some of this in my own life. I noticed it recently when both my sons mentioned that I keep repeating a few griefs I gave with certain people…and then saying “Not that it bothers me, I’m just saying.”
    Yeah…it does bother me. They’re right.
    These are some great ways to do that.
    PS I love the “woo-woo” warning!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. lol that’s a sure-fire way to know…my phrase used to be “not that I care,” which of course meant the opposite.

      Thanks for this comment and best of luck releasing all of the things ❤

      Like

    1. Thanks, Sarah! See, that’s the thing…I used to journal and then keep the journal by my bed (smh)

      What you said about “the evidence of old pain” is so true, especially if it’s in written form.

      Liked by 1 person

  24. “Releasing people is not about cutting people off; it’s about moving on.”. I know it’s not part of your message here, but this is one of the reasons I don’t do Facebook. I feel it’s antithetical to moving on. The past is the past for a reason. Anyway, another excellent post!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, Rob! What you said absolutely applies. The FB thing is one reason I deactivated my account. It’s ridiculous to believe that we’re supposed to be forever connected to our first-grade teacher, for example. That’s just not even how the natural world works.

      Like

  25. I am a believer of the quantum field, of energy, of synchronicity and meaningful coincidences; I’m experiencing how to understand just how strong and powerful our subconscious mind is in terms of controlling our thoughts, and I’m right there with you. Excellent tips, Kathy. Thank you for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I get it. I almost didn’t publish this one, mainly because I know sometimes the energy talk can be a bit much for folks. I see hit publish…blog or ebook is perfect!

        Like

    1. Thank you ❤ Yeah, I used to be the cut-people-off person, which is why I can tell the difference energetically between what I've written here and the other way I used to be…like you said, the other way really is out of anger, as opposed to simply moving on with love 😉

      Liked by 2 people

  26. Damn. We are on the same frequency. I’ve been struggling with and privately writing about my anger and need to release a person and experience. I’ve not yet been successful. Instead I’ve just gone to my default mode of compartmentalizing, at which I excel but it’s unhealthy AF. Thank you for this today, Kathy. I’m saving it. 💜💜💜

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Sending hugs. I’m familiar with compartmentalizing, which you know, was probably useful back when we learned to do it as a form of protection, but you’re right it is not…healthy…at…all lol

      You’re welcome, Natalie! You may just need a physical representation of the release 😉

      Liked by 2 people

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