Monday Notes: Talking to Myself (Kwoted)

In 2015, I published my first book called, Kwoted. It is a book of original quotes that would pop into my head during my commute between Jacksonville and Tallahassee. It is only available on Kindle, and aside from glowing reviews from my goddaughter and cousin, I’m not sure what the actual impact was.

Recently, though, it dawned on me that this book was me talking to me.

Setting and Attaining Goals

This first section is heavy on believing in oneself and ignoring everything else, something I used to have an issue with. One kwote, “Remember, you can either perpetuate the status quo or envision a new reality; the choice is yours,” was solely for me. At the time, I was doing what I thought I had to do once I attained a terminal degree…work at a university, even if it meant sacrificing my time and health driving up and down the interstate. Once I realized I could create whatever kind of life I wanted, things changed.

Likewise, this kwote, “If you share your plans with someone and they give you the worst-case scenario, then find someone else to share your plans with” is something that used to be challenging. Whether it was a family member or a friend, I noticed there were two types of responses. Either someone would find 7,999 reasons why my ideas wouldn’t work, or someone would simply say, “That’s cool.” I started spending more time talking to the “That’s cool” people. My life improved.

Relationship Perspectives

Are you surprised that I have a section about relationships in this book? My dysfunctional relationship with my father influenced some of these kwotes. “Learn when enough is enough, for you, no matter what anyone else says,” is something I had to tell myself. This stemmed from years of everyone advising that my dad is still my dad, to convince me to continue talking to a man who made little to no effort to connect with me. Like any relationship, I had to determine when to end it.

There are also a few self-love kwotes in this part because I delved deep into understanding my self-worth and self-love issues. It was imperative that I begin to heal my past to have a better future with myself, which eventually improved my relationship with my husband and others.

Konscious Life Perspectives

From 1989-2014, I’d mostly lived my life on autopilot. I’ve written before about how my marriage had turned into a checklist of achievements. Well, my life, in general was about ticking boxes: attaining college degrees, teaching at a higher level, becoming department chair, graduating from a Tier 1 institution, and on and on and on. Enough was enough. I needed to take control by thinking about what I wanted to do. Section three begins with this kwote, “Sometimes you just need a different point of view in life.” I permitted myself to stop, tap into who I really was and what I really wanted, and then proceeded from there. For me, a “different view” meant a more conscious one.

“Give yourself permission to grow in ways that you value” was definitely to me. I needed to break free from the box I’d put myself in. Was I constantly achieving so that my dead mother would be proud? Was I accomplishing things to prove my biological mother’s decision to give birth wasn’t for naught? I had to figure it out, and I had to break free from the cookie-cutter way I’d learned to live that was based on society and familial values. I had to determine my own ideals and pathways.

Opinions and Judgements

I used to be quite the judgmental person. To be fair, I spent a lot of time with a very judgmental grandmother, and as we know, our caregivers are our first teachers. Eventually, I befriended people like me—judgmental. One friend and I used to sit on the phone and judge the shit out of others, like a part-time job. I’d gotten so bad that other friends called me out on my comments.

So, in 2014, I committed to trying not to judge anyone. Kwotes emerged. “You don’t have to denigrate other people’s choices in order to validate your own” is a passive way I noticed that people judge others. My favorite is “Your view of me doesn’t matter, and neither does my view of you.” This one tends to be controversial, but I stand by it. Once you’re living consciously and confidently, how can anyone else’s opinion (which is typically based on fear) matter? It doesn’t.

Kwoted was the voice I heard when as I struggled in these four areas. Whether it was my higher self, as some believe, my inner being, God, the Universe, or a higher power, it was there, guiding me on my journey to shape the person you know and the blog you read today.

Interested in this book? Purchase here.

Otherwise, as usual, I’d love to hear any comments about the kwotes I’ve shared.


61 thoughts on “Monday Notes: Talking to Myself (Kwoted)

  1. Thank you for sharing!!… congratulations with your book and following your dreams!!… sometimes it can be difficult to be one’s self and follow one’s dreams but that is the only way to find happiness… “It is not easy to find happiness within ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.” (Agnes Repplier).. 🙂

    Hope all is well in your part of the universe and until we meet again…
    May love and laughter light your days,
    and warm your heart and home.
    May good and faithful friends be yours,
    wherever you may roam.
    May peace and plenty bless your world
    with joy that long endures.
    May all life’s passing seasons
    bring the best to you and yours!
    (Irish Saying)

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You were not talking to (or writing for) yourself, Kathy. Kwoted remains one of my favourite books, by you. It’s one of the books I return to time and again for the wisdom it offers. Recently this quote, “Don’t let someone else’s creativity minimize your own. One has nothing to do with the other.” made so much sense as I was trying to make sense of my insecurities as a creative. So, thank you for the gift of words!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Khaya! I’d forgotten that you’d read this, too, and I appreciate it then (and now). Thank you for the reminder. It’s so easy to get caught up in our egoistic artist’s head. Anywho, I’m glad these words were supportive. That’s the point, after all ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  3. “Sometimes You just need a different point of view in life”…. this is for sure. The way I’m reading this in the moment, I’m interpreting it for myself in two different ways, which may be oversimplifying. A point of view outside of myself, from someone else’s perspective. The whole trying to imagine myself walking a mile in someone else’s shoes. And maybe this isn’t right at all, for the context. And then also , just a different point of view from the standpoint of seeing things in new ways. Gotta see new ways to feel the ways of others. I definitely need some new ways of looking at things. I’ve been in a lot of different holding patterns, for a couple of years.

    “Your view of me doesn’t matter, and neither does my view of you.” This is where things get interesting, for me. I can easily imagine a productive , eminently useful philosophical context for this idea. On the flip side, and maybe this is showing what an unhealthy person I am, I read this and instinctively shrink back with dread. there’s too much to unpack about that in a blog comment, haha I feel like I’m living consciously but probably not very confidently. You’d probably tell me those two things are mutually exclusive. The way people view me really matters to me to the point of matt4ering too much. But I’m asking myself how my cultural and relational constructs are blocking my ability to comprehend this in a more layered way. I’m really just a pretty dumb person trying to string some half-useful sentences together 🙂

    Hope this finds you doing well, Katherin.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Jason, Jason, Jason… lol

      A lot of people disagree with that view of me kwote, and I understand why. I think it’s a combination of a lot of things, like living in codependent situations so long that we don’t know where we begin and others end, thus we really and truly believe that someone else’s opinion of us matters. Good or bad, it does not. But again, that’s just my opinion.

      You’re not dumb, friend.

      And HAPPY NEW YEAR! i don’t think I got to say that to you yet.

      Like

  4. I would literally love to read this book! And I love that you started a blog with that name (the wordplay tho..) loveed reading from you after so long..you must be thinking that where do I get vanished time to time now 😅
    Love you!

    Liked by 3 people

  5. I love those quotes! It’s amazing how easy it is to box ourselves in, and not see that we really do have choices….not just in our own lives, but in the people we relate to. I’ve heard a lot of “reinventing yourself” but I think it’s more a case of “discovering your true self.” And that’s something that your blog really helps with. Thank you so much for that!!!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks, Ann ❤ We always have choices; it's a matter on if we can deal with the consequences, right? I agree about discovering one's self. We've probably always been whoever we needed to be, but because of a million and one reasons, we stopped.

      Thank you for that comment at the end, too.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. “If you share your plans with someone and they give you the worst-case scenario, then find someone else to share your plans with.” Whoa. Kathy, it’s as if you wrote this for me. Strangers I have never met (like you) have been more supportive of my plans and dreams than some of my “loved ones.” Every one of these kwotes resonates with me. Thank you for this!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. The one thing I learned when I first started writing, publishing, and blogging is that you will receive support from people and places that you’ve never expected, and you may not receive (the type of) support you may desire from those you know and love.

      It’s a harsh lesson but super important for growth.

      You’re welcome, and thank YOU for reading and commenting 😉

      Like

  7. I just got your Kwotes book. I think it will be a good read for me soon. Love your posts, I always get a lot from them. I found out last week that my much loved son passed away from Fentanyl toxicity and it devastated me all over again The authorities here consider it an “accident” for the manner of death and I consider it a murder/poisoning. It is prosecuted in some areas, but not here for some underhanded reason that I don’t understand. There were 3 other young people who died the same way the week after my son, and more since then. I’ve joined some advocate groups to get the word out about fentanyl, and I’m talking to a private detective tomorrow to see if I can do anything to get justice for my son. I’ve also joined up with another mother who lost her son, and we compare notes, and have written a TV news reporter, but so far it hasn’t helped. Thanks for listening.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Aww thank you, Val! I appreciate that ❤

      On a separate note, what you've described sounds awful. It reminds me of a series I recently watched called Dopesick. It can be highly triggering, so there's the warning in case you think about watching.

      It did a great job of showing the challenges of fighting pharmaceutical companies. But it also may be affirming for what you're currently going through.

      I do hope the group and the detective help you to get justice from this situation.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. I loved the title of your book – Kwoted! It is really kool :)) I remember some of my lessons and revelations being so clear, so new, so deep for myself – I had to convey them more prominently into the world than any regular way of writing. I was really amused and thrilled to see that I am actually coming up with quotes. At least to me they were quite important, if not for anyone else. And if others could relate or appreciated them, I would be overjoyed. I have long and always admired your writing with such clarity of self observation and honest evaluation. Congratulations on having your book of Quotes out in the world – they would be of great value to those wanting similar alignment of thoughts. Going No Judgment could be easily my greatest lesson and gift of a revelation. Judging other people was one of the only ways I could keep some of my closest relations continued – but it zapped me out of so much energy. So I had to let go spending any time with them. Of course they are not very fond of me anymore 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Pragalbha ❤ It's interesting to me that if we're quiet enough, then we can hear the most important voice of all. I won't bother to label it. It can be whatever any of us calls it. I think that's what this book was.

      Your quotes are insightful, too, and I see a similarity in how we process the world and ourselves. Also, thank you for those kind words. Reflecting on myself and my own experiences has been a bit of a lifesaver.

      As for you friend, you know what they say: friends are here for a reason, a season, or a lifetime 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  9. This is so kool! Kongrats on this amazing accomplishment, Kathy! 🙂 I’ve often found myself repeating mantras back to myself to get myself through tough moments and lead me towards success! Thank you so much for sharing your gifted words!

    Liked by 4 people

  10. Great post! You and I share a strong ability to self assess and then use that knowledge to change things. I will not spend time getting sucked into a negative argument. If I know we are going to disagree, and never change the other person’s opinion, I will stop engaging completely and if that’s not possible, I will only give them the amount of space that’s required. Not a moment more and no more energy.
    We are dealing with the aftermath of the fire here and my dearest who’s mom lost her home.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh no! I really have no words for this news, but I am glad your friend has you, because I’m almost positive you’re supportive in many ways.

      Thank you for your comment. Self-assessment is so important. I will always look at myself a million times before I open my mouth to blame someone else, while at the same time, understanding that people co-create every situation.

      With that said, YES to “stop engaging completely.” What’s the point of engaging if you’re really talking to yourself? I can do that alone in my house if I want lol

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Katherin, your “autopilot” was my “Zombi-land.” I love the connection we have over this monumental transformation in our lives. I have also referred to it as my renaissance / rebirth. Yours was in 2014 and mine was in 2010. It led me to playing my guitar again!
    How wonderful that we were able to completely reinvent ourselves and discard our past judgements and constraints. I am thankful every day that I broke free. Reading your post was beautiful and had me smiling!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Wow. I’m usually used to these synchronicities in our lives, but this one is really amazing, because I actually graduated in 2010, which is when the real transformation began…it just didn’t become apparent until later.

      Reinventing one’s self if quite the journey. It’s literally like being re-born and unlearning everything you were taught in real time. I’m super grateful for our connection, Judy!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That is amazing, Katherin! And I feel the same way about you. Love your kwotes!!

        ps. That explains why I love butterflies. I really believe my transformation was just like being in a dark and isolated cocoon of grief, before I emerged in a beautiful way!

        Liked by 1 person

  12. Kathy, I had no idea the book was created as part of your daily commute – a great way to spend your time. It’s heartening that your book has come back to give you support and direction years later and sure many others feel the same! We alone have can take responsibility for the choices we make — as you write:

    “Remember, you can either perpetuate the status quo or envision a new reality; the choice is yours,”

    So true!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Crazy, right Annika? We’ve been blogging buddies long enough where you may remember this book being published. But yes…I used to ride along and thoughts would some to mind lol

      Thanks for this comment 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  13. “If you share your plans with someone and they give you the worst-case scenario, then find someone else to share your plans with” . I would add not to share plans with that person again. Great Kwote!

    Liked by 3 people

  14. You’re such a goddess, and I’m so glad you have a blog. I enjoy all of your posts and they’re deep and interesting and real, just the way I like them! And I 💯 agree that most of the things we make are for ourselves, to heal. And if others happen to get something out of it along the way, which they always do, then that’s bonus! ⭐️🌺

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for these affirming words ❤ You always know what to say!

      I'm really beginning to believe this is the truth, though. It's almost like an intuitive thing, but because we live in a society that commodifies everything, then we decide to sell it. This doesn't mean people shouldn't buy my next book lol Just saying that I wonder how many artists simply created art for themselves?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I know I 💯 create for myself. But it’s weird I’ve come across amazing art-makers who clearly are making art that is popular and sellable. But does that make it not as worthy? I don’t believe so, but it’s a fine line. For me my art heals me. But for others, I think it’s a livelihood. So fascinating!! 💖💖😘😘

        Liked by 1 person

  15. The two type of people who …that’s cool people vs people with opinions. This is a tough one for me. My father in law has all sorts of bizarre ideas. There was a point I’d call the bull, but now I say that sounds nice….it really depends on the intent of the person listening. Are they being downers or are the expanding the conversation? The cool people…are they really listening/caring or are they just giving lip service? There’s a lot of ways to look at this

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I see what you’re saying. I think you can tell from the response. If they have a ton of questions that seem doubtful (i.e., Why would you want to do that? You don’t have the money for that. Who’s going to take care of your kids?), as opposed to really trying to expand the conversation (i.e., So, will you need a specific budget for that? When are applications due? How can I help?), then I think you can tell which camp they fall into.

      I also understand about your FIL. My father was like that. He was always selling something or coming up with some scheme. I never gave my opinion about it, though. Either I bought whatever he was selling or I didn’t. I didn’t feel the need to say, “What are you selling now?” “What about the last failed attempt?” It’s unnecessary, in my opinion.

      Like

  16. My hope for 2022 is to judge less, and open myself up to more. Your work and this book in particular highlights the “why” we blame and shame – both ourselves and others. This quote from your book ““You don’t have to denigrate other people’s choices in order to validate your own” says it all! Cheers to a new year filled with faith and trust. Because if the aliens.. are truly here.. are on their way… we need to be UNITED. Right Dr. G?

    Liked by 6 people

    1. I don’t know why this alien comment made me laugh out loud, but something tells me, if they are on the way here, we’ll find a way to be divided lol I do agree, though, that we do need to be united.

      That particular quote is something I use all the time. It’s almost like we don’t know how to validate ourselves and our own choices, without comparison.

      Anywho, judging less is a great way to become more present. Happy New Year, to you! I hope we get to record again. I’ve been thinking of ideas.

      Liked by 3 people

      1. YES the lol made it all way down south! That was my intention. .. 👽

        And I hope we get to record again too! 2 years after our first interview would be uber cool. June 2022 has a nice ring to it. 🎥 💡 ♊️

        Liked by 3 people

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