Thoughts On My 25th Wedding Anniversary

“They look like somebody made them!” That’s what one of our wedding guests said on the day we married. She’d reiterated my exact sentiments ever since the first day we’d met—someone made him just for me.

From the very beginning, we’ve had best friend vibes. Whether we were bouncing a ball around outside of his apartment or lying in the grass on campus, while staring at the clouds, once we decided we were a couple, we pretty much did everything together.

I did that thing that a lot of people do—ignored whoever was a friend at the time and poured all my attention and energy into this new relationship. We created a bubble and constantly prioritized one another.

One time, when his friends were over having drinks, one of them kept asking me to grab him another beer.

“Aye! My babe is not the maid,” he replied, while gently stopping me from leaving the couch.

He saw me as important, and in that moment, decided I wouldn’t be treated any type of way.

I felt secure.

When he graduated, leaving me to finish two years of college and creating a 140-mile long-distance relationship, we remained committed to one another. We spoke on the phone every night, until our voices turned to snores. Friday nights, he arrived on campus as soon as he finished with work; Monday mornings he arrived back home just in time to clock in.  

We. were. in. love.

The three years prior to our marriage, we spent a lot of time talking. We still do. Whether it’s the big stuff, like abortion, religion, and politics, or concepts, like veganism and over-population, there’s nothing you can ask either of us that we won’t know how to answer for the other person.

By the time Dwight asked me to marry him November 1995, I already knew I’d say, “yes.” We’d talked about it. But I still cried. The whole ordeal seemed surreal. Even when we married the following year, I floated above our heads and watched myself utter those famous two words, and ride in a horse and carriage, and eat chocolate cake, and do the hustle, and…and…and. Even for my extroverted, partying self, our wedding was very performative, and I had a nagging sense it was unnecessary.

All I ever wanted was to be with Dwight, lying in the grass, looking at the clouds.

“Are you okay?” my father asked as he drove us to the airport for our honeymoon.

I always wondered if he saw the dream state in my eyes, the awe that any of this was happening.

“I’m fine,” I said.

Life buzzed by and we met the expectations of a husband and wife:

✅ 2 kids

✅ house

✅ dog

✅ bills

And the couple who used to walk in the rain, hand-in-hand, just because ceased to exist. Handwritten love notes attached to roses dissipated. Instead, we were replaced with society’s version of love and marriage. The world calls it “growing up,” but I call it a factory-model rendition of love.

I’ve been thinking about this for a long time, and I want to be clear. You can be in a committed relationship and never marry. You can marry and never have children. You can have children, be in a committed relationship, and never marry. I’ll stop here.

On our 25th wedding anniversary, I finally realized we could’ve done this love thing however we wanted. We can do this love thing however we want. Whether it’s walking in the Cloud Forest in Costa Rica or biking on a trail at the beach, I hope we’ll spend the next twenty-five years making up ways to be in love…in whatever way best suits us.

113 thoughts on “Thoughts On My 25th Wedding Anniversary

  1. Madam ! You are right and wrong – both . In RIG VEDA , we have philosophy of NETI-NETI . Means this is not and that’s not , then what is the ultimate . The ultimate , to my mind , is you exist and exist and exist for 25 years and will exist other 25 years undoubtedly . Your thinking is not bad . You have everything . Health , wealth and powerful mind . If a lay-man like me can crawl , why not you . If you consider me as your brother , and are willing to accept my advice ( it is not compulsory , it is optional ) do meditation and at 4 O’clock in the morning . Let Almighty God enter into your mind and heart , things would be alright.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Happiest Happy Anniversary – Belated yet Wishes galore for the most amazing ways and adventures ahead!!

    I call it a factory-model rendition of love – it was stunning to me when I realized this about my marriage, how a lot of life was a series of definitions put together by others. To take the ropes back, sit back and try to consciously decide how would it look like to me … and him, us. You write so clearly for me and my heart. It is so precious to recognize what really matters.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Happy anniversary! The both of you look stunning in the pictures 🙂

    And I just wanted to add, on a personal note, that I am very grateful and happy our online paths crossed, because you keep wording things perfectly in sync with how my brains feel them. Just like your conclusion here. Thank you!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Samantha ❤

      Thanks for adding that second part. I appreciate the feedback and comments, because sometimes I'm not entirely sure if it's just me who's experiencing these things or the whole of society.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Beautiful, and beautifully expressed.
    I think it’s less “factory model of love” and more that eventually, one has to take one’s head out of the clouds and pay bills. It’s just reality and it doesn’t make your love or your story any less unique or special. I hope you’ll have more beautiful years together.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you JYP ❤

      For me, that's not what life's about, and our marriage had gotten super rote. I've decided to return to the clouds. I mean, bills will get paid, but it's not life.


  5. Thank you for sharing!!… “You don’t love the person you can live with, you love the person you cannot live without” (Author Unknown)… 🙂

    Until we meet again..
    May your day be touched
    by a bit of Irish luck,
    Brightened by a song
    in your heart,
    And warmed by the smiles
    of people you love.
    (Irish Saying)

    Liked by 2 people

  6. The difference between the two portraits in your expression is pretty funny. What a nice couple you two mad(k)e, both of you look so nice, there. Twenty five years. Wow! Hear ye, here’s to another 25 for you! Weddings. Hmmm. I could really do without them, my guy self says. ON a separate track of thought, my opinion of it as an institution went pretty downhill for a few years but then probably my second best friend in life, who is gay, got married after gay marriage was legalized in the state she was in , I was able to attend and it was a real special time. to this day I feel so privileged to have been there. but anyway, after that I felt that it was something pretty important, again. But what”s really important is the ritual of it, not the papers or documents. Although those come in handy later for other things, like certain rights to protect each other (for chrissakes). I always envied people who had wedding ceremonies later in life, those always seemed a lot more fun and meaningful to me, less bout going through motions. I’m with the best person in the world for me (my best friend, too) but I could really just COMPLETELY forget about our wedding day, ugh 🙂 it’s all that follows, all that follows.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Jason ❤

      I have so much more to write, but I'll just say this: I'm glad you get what I'm saying. Later in life weddings are smaller and more significant, I think, because by then, you know who's important and who's not in your life. We had 200 people at our wedding! Anywho, I promised myself I wasn't going to rant, so I'll stop here.

      and lol about the photos…that second one is how I looked most of the day. I have a bunch of those.


  7. So beautiful and heartwarming post, and wise as ever, Kathy! Love the photos too, you both look dashing, fetching, handsome and gorgeous. ❤ And I absolutely agree with and love your ending, "I finally realized we could’ve done this love thing however we wanted. We can do this love thing however we want." Nothing beats 'doing you' and be your own society!

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Aww this is so precious, what a beautiful marriage story you have! Reading your story made me smile and uplifted my day 🙂 Happy anniversary, and congratulations for keeping the love lasting♡♡♡

    Liked by 3 people

  9. Happy anniversary! I love “We can do this love thing however we want.” Oh, we all need to realize this don’t we? It applies to life as a whole too, not just to marriage!
    We have the power to make our vision real in our lives, and not live out what we think are society’s expectations for us!


    Liked by 2 people

  10. Happy Anniversary, Katherin! I am so happy for you. It seems we all have our own life journeys. I had always hoped to find love and partnership – but my marriage did not turn out the way I had hoped. You had to overcome so much with your childhood traumas, whereas, I had a stellar situation in comparison.
    Now we are adults charting our own course. Whether it is luck or destiny, I celebrate the beautiful story you have made of your life. I celebrate mine, as well!

    Liked by 4 people

  11. Congrats and honors
    to husband wife
    for their entire life
    your 25th celebration together
    of course
    gives divorce
    a sound feat
    and I am really and truly
    this husband and wife
    reunion is for life

    *Happy 25th Wedding Anniversary*

    By: Van Prince

    Liked by 3 people

  12. Happy 25th Wedding Anniversary Ksth and Dwight and many more times when you lie on the grass looking up at the clouds.
    Beautiful photos and yes, seem like the perfect fit for one another ❤️🙂

    Liked by 5 people

  13. Happy 25th!! Yes, marriage is a journey filled with winding roads, valleys, peaks and even potholes. It takes TWO who are committed to loving unconditionally.

    So happy for you TWO. Love this post to the moon and back!!

    Liked by 3 people

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