Monday Notes: 18 Thoughts from a Phone Dump

I began Monday Notes a few years ago as a self-accountable way to transfer thoughts from the Notes section of my phone to this blog. But sometimes, I have more ideas than writing time. When my notes outweigh my writing, I do a phone dump to share.

Here we go:

  1. Relationships take effort and not everyone’s willing to put in the energy. What do you do when others don’t exert the same energy, whether it is familial, romantic, or friend?
  2. To be a mother, you have to get used to others judging what type of mother they think you ought to be. I’ve been on both ends of this, so at this point, I think it just happens. Either you think you know a better way for someone to mother her children, or someone thinks the same about the how you’re doing it.
  3. “I ain’t popping no pill, but you do as you wish” is one of my favorite rap lines. It’s from a song called “Middle Child,” by J. Cole. I love it because I think it’s representative of live and let live, which of course is contradictory to #2, but hey.
  4. Life was easier when I wasn’t as conscious.
  5. It’s not my job to make you be self-aware. It’s not any of our jobs to make someone else be self-aware.
  6. Acceptance does not mean approval; I think I read this in Iyanla Vanzant’s, Get Over It!
  7. Has anyone written about how patriarchy is reflected in the American presidency through age and race?
  8. img_3091There’s a difference between being influenced by someone and copying someone. I prefer the former.
  9. Some people think they have an open mind, but really, they just are open to listening to people who share their worldview.
  10. Seeing how people treat others in their life may be an indicator of how they will treat you as well.
  11. When someone says they wished they were married or had a husband/wife, I always think what they’re wishing for is a fairy tale. Marriage is not a fairy tale, even if the two people have immense love/like for one another.
  12. Love is deeper than your love language.
  13. You’re either committed to your craft, or you’re committed to your excuses. I think this may be a direct quote, but I’m not sure…maybe I made it up. I’ve Googled it and can’t find it, so I’m claiming it.
  14. I could complain about the person who didn’t hold the door for me, or I could just hold the door for the next person.
  15. Is it fair to ask someone to change their behavior to suit your needs? I’ve decided it’s not fair, which is why I’d rather change myself than ask anyone in my life to change how they function around or with me.

  16. Don’t ask people to change their review of your book. This happened to me last year. An author didn’t like what I had to say, so that person DM’d me on Twitter and asked me to change my rating and comment. My answer? NOPE. I thought this was hella tacky.
  17. The threat of male privilege is showing through American comedians. I wrote this when I happened to watch a series of comedy shows, where men seem very threatened by the LGBTIQ community. This has ranged from Dave Chappell to Bill Burr. They all have a segment specifically focused on sexual identity and how it’s affected them, but opinions/jokes seem to be fear and insecurity based.
  18. If there’s a vast difference between how you present yourself on social media and how you present face-to-face, then the problem isn’t social media.

Please feel free to comment on any of these. You know I’m always up for a conversation in the comments 😉

47 thoughts on “Monday Notes: 18 Thoughts from a Phone Dump

  1. “Some people think they have an open mind, but really, they just are open to listening to people who share their worldview.”

    My goodness. The more I think about this excellent point you raised here, the more it makes me sick. Because there’s a lot of truth to this, isn’t there? 😦

    Liked by 1 person

  2. What’s up Doc?🌹

    Your #7 has inspired me— I think I’ll write about it…

    How’s this for starters?

    Old white man thinks he know what’s best for ALL da chill’uns!
    -THE END

    Maybe I’ll flesh it out a bit more over at my spot later this week!

    But, seriously, I keep all kinds of thoughts and ideas in the notes area of my phone and on my MacBook. I often use these as inspiration for upcoming posts… so we think along the same lines in that way.

    Girl when I found out I could send embedded website links to notes, I liked to have lost my rabid mind!

    Enjoy the rest of your weekend dear 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  3. #9 jumped out at me. I’m struggling, though — I consider myself open minded but am unwilling to listen to white nationalists/gun lobbyists/”our elderly are willing to sacrifice themselves for their grandchildren’s economy” folks.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I love this!! feels like I’m reading some of your life lessons. I love no 15 about asking people to change their behavior. I love that as we are only in control of ourselves 💕

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Life was easier when I wasn’t as conscious. — Life FELT easier when I wasn’t as conscious but it actually wasn’t because I was silently suffering and had just gotten used to it.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. There we go. I kept thinking this and thinking it, and I couldn’t phrase exactly what I was wanting to say. Because it manifested in my life horribly. So, yeah. Felt is the appropriate word.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yeah, a friend and I were talking about how much work we have to put in to maintain our baseline sanity now and how, even with all that and the pain that comes with doing the work, it’s still better than it was before when we thought everything was okey dokey because we kind of really knew it wasn’t.

        Liked by 3 people

  6. Iyanla! Oh boy does that name take me back. Saw her speak back in the 90s and it was so great for my 20-something year-old self. Oh and I totally agree about people asking you to change a review. Someone did that to me on Etsy once and I redid their review one star lower 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  7. #15 is the one that grabbed me – about changing someone else’s behavior vs. adjusting our own.

    I agree in theory, but as a parent – recently, I didn’t follow this creed. My 23-year-old son just ignored me on Mother’s Day in the morning. He had earbuds on and just cooked breakfast and pretended I wasn’t there. I ate my breakfast, read the paper in silence and then went to my room. He finally knocked on my door to ask if anything was wrong. I had this emotional discussion about how important it was for me to hear a warm “good morning.” After that, I didn’t care if he did his thing. Well, he argued about it and said he’s not a morning person and didn’t feel he needed to change. Coming up to counter that, I just felt that better social skills would serve him in life. And also I tearfully added, that had I spoken up more to share my feelings during my marriage – it would have been a lot better. Anyway, although i could have adjusted to accepting his behavior – I think it did work out well after this. Now he goes out of his way to say good morning and we are getting along a lot better.

    Glad I could share!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for sharing this point of view Judy! I appreciate it and can relate on a few levels. Aaand…Happy belated Mother’s Day to you!

      Very specifically, my husband and I had this discussion (at nearly 24 years of marriage). I’m not a morning person at all, and he is. Consequently, he wakes up whistling and it takes me about 2 hours to realize I’m still here in the world. Recently, he was bothered that I don’t wake up and say Good Morning. I just start talking eventually. I told him that it’s because I’m not really awake, and also, I see each day as a continued span of time, so I may say it, but I may not. He’s okay with this and we’ve moved on.

      HOWEVER, I have been in your shoes, where someone has done something that makes me feel a certain way. For example, my oldest daughter mails a Mother’s Day card to me LATE every year. I’ve never said anything about it, but the first time it happened, I thought to myself,why is this hard for her? MD comes around every single flipping year. Why can’t she just put the card in the mail a week earlier? I guess my point is it bothered me because I assigned meaning to it. Maybe she doesn’t care about me and how I feel on MD…but I know that’s not true. She’s also very absentminded and easily distracted. So, I’ve accepted this traits of hers, instead of saying something. You know?

      And, I do want to say, I’m not implying that we shouldn’t tell others how we feel. I guess I just think we should pause sometimes and think about why we feel the way we do in the first place because sometimes it’s something we can adjust with ourselves, like expectations or acceptance (as long as it isn’t harmful).

      Thanks again for sharing your example.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I appreciate your sharing personal experience that relate to what I wrote, Katherin. What you said about being a morning person is exactly what my son said. And you’re right about this being my own needs and issues coming up.
        I’m glad he’s willing to make the effort to say those two words (good morning) to me. My thought is that someday when he’s married, his wife will appreciate that he makes an effort to do this LOL.
        I certainly understand about Mother’s Day and your daughter. Those cards are still something to treasure and I completely understand how you might wonder why she can’t mail it ahead of time. My guess is that someday she’ll be more on the ball. My relationship with my daughter has improved immensely as she’s gotten older. Sometimes I still can’t believe it! 😊

        Liked by 1 person

  8. Wow, Kathy, that’s a lot to comment on! I’ll just pick up on two thoughts. First, from now on I’m going to be using your “Either you’re committed to your craft or you’re committed to making excuses” and I’m going to quote you. Love it! Secondly, your comments about the patriarchy … yes, ma’am!!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. WOW, I’m amazed at the assortment of stuff that goes through your head, KE! Here are the thoughts I jotted down as I read these:
    1. If I’m always carrying the other person, maybe it’s time to end it, or put some distance.
    2. Not right to micromanage how others parent their kids, unless it’s abusive. As long at the finished product comes out kind and respectful, we’re good.
    3. Agree. I don’t think pills can make you truly Zen or happy, but if avoiding the issues and faking it with pharmaceuticals works for you, I won’t stop you.
    4. Definitely. Once you’ve seen, you can never un-see.
    5. Maybe a parent’s job? To ask “How would you feel if someone did that to you?”
    6. Joe Biden is a perfect example.
    7. IDK
    8. I often parody classic poems, not sure which of these I’m doing. Both? Neither? I nestle my (totally unrelated) ideas into their framework of rhythm and rhyme.
    9. True.
    10. True again. Especially watch their behavior around those they have no incentive to be nice to–other drivers, clerks, waiters, secretaries, etc. If they are rude to the little people, beware.
    11. Yes. A friend with 5 kids found “the one” when she was in her 50’s. She married with stars in her eyes and was divorced a year later. She didn’t want a husband… she wanted an adoring admirer who would spend every free minute with her, start dinner, rub her feet, drive her kids to after-school activities, and contribute financially to the household. He didn’t like being enslaved and handing over his paycheck, so he left.
    12. Love language?
    13. Agreed. It’s like COVID-19 proving my messy house isn’t the result of not having enough time to clean it.
    14. I hate when people hold the door for me, it makes me feel rushed. I’m able-bodied, just let me get the door myself. My husband gets upset when he holds the door and people don’t say thank you. Maybe they’re in my boat, annoyed rather than grateful.
    15. I think it’s OK to ask someone to change a behavior that is hurting you or depriving you of something you need. But if they refuse, the ball is in your court.
    16. That’s crazy. When you ask for honest feedback, accept it, say thank you, and learn from it. Don’t ask them to change it to make it more favorable.
    17. I hadn’t noticed, but I don’t watch much comedy.
    18. I generally stay away from social media. I don’t take or post selfies. I don’t try to make my life seem more exciting than it is. But that’s me in general. I’m the same me out in public as I am at home–in sweats, without make-up, graying hair flipped up in a messy knot.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I also meant to say when I taught English, one of the methods that was suggested was to allow students to parody authors so they could try different styles. I almost wrote about that, so I’m glad to see you’ve mentioned it for yourself.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Omg you should have posted one every day because I don’t even know where to start…I guess I’ll riff…imitation/flattery…. I think most problems are cause when we seek validation when trying to be someone else, or not being someone else. With comparisons come judgement. With comparisons come being “better” or “worse” than someone else. In the end…we don’t know what is going on in anyone’s mind….yet we try to interpret all the time (this includes me) comparison is a deadly sin. Imitation without acknowledging why you want to imitate is a bad road to follow. How’s that?

    Liked by 4 people

    1. LOL I definitely did not want to post one a day lol

      And yep. I agree with EVERYTHING you’ve said here. Comparison. Judgments. Better/worse. ‘m thinking it comes from not knowing and being confident in who we are in the first place, so we end up just copying and that’s no bueno.

      Liked by 1 person

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