Monday Notes: My Bisexual Daughter

My daughter has a lot of positive qualities.

She is intelligent. I first realized just how smart she was when she was three-years-old. I begged the teacher to put her in the next class, but she disagreed, that is, until she interacted with her for two days.

“You were right,” she apologized, “I just thought you were like all the other parents who think their child is brilliant.”

The next day she was in the four-year-old class.

Her intelligence was reaffirmed years later at the end of third grade. I’d received her first state standardized test results. She’d gotten all the answers correct. Even with my background in education, I’d never seen marks like that.

She is caring. I remember when she cried because she was saving a lizard that had somehow entered the house, a frequent Florida occurrence. His little green tail fell off as she used a glass to capture him. She immediately burst into tears, but soon calmed down when I reminded her that lizards’ tails regenerate. She dried her face and released him outside where he belonged.

She is socially conscious. She loves being black and championing for black people in different ways, like when she assured her dark-skinned friend it was okay to stay in the sun; she had no fear of “getting darker,” and neither should he.

She can also be found telling her father and me about her new choice of water, why we shouldn’t be buying McDonald’s, why we should stop eating ‘carcinogens’ (e.g., meat), and why we should sign a petition about parolees.

She is kind. When she found out her big sister wouldn’t be able to attend our last trip, she offered to save more of her own check so that her sister could go. Of course her sister declined the offer, but my point is she offered. She also considers her friends and frequently stands up for them in different situations or is there for them when they need someone to listen.

She is trustworthy. This is why we had no problem passing my car to her at the age of seventeen. She drives to school and back home. She drives to work and back home. She drives to her friends’ houses for parties. She drives back to school for extracurricular activities. She drives to complete her service project once a week during the summer. She spends the night over friends’ houses, and when she doesn’t feel comfortable where she is, she texts me…and comes home. We trust her and her judgment.

These are the qualities that come to mind when someone asks me about my daughter. The last thing I consider is her sexual identity. I just wished society felt the same.

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81 thoughts on “Monday Notes: My Bisexual Daughter

  1. She sounds like a beautiful person! I wish people centred other peoples qualities instead of their sexuality. Our sexual identities/ differences should be embraced & they shouldn’t be used to oppress others. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I wish that too, but she has a beautiful spirit which will transmute other people’s janky obsession with her sexuality. I mean, seriously, why is it anybody’s business who you love or are attracted to? Just be good and do good, and she’s got that down cold! She sounds AMAZING and well loved!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I really thought I answered this. I guess I did in my head, which happens a lot lol So, first of all, I love that you use the word, “janky”! That used to be my go-to word. Anywho, I agree. Some of us have forgotten what’s important.

      And, yes. That, she is…by nearly everyone ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you for sharing!!.. your daughter is, and will be, a wonderful person.. don’t do labels here, to quote Popeye the sailor; “I yam what I yam and that is all that I yam”… 🙂

    “The greatest challenge in life is to be our own person and accept that being different is a blessing and not a curse”.. Kilroy Oldster

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hi Kathy! I’m going to be the odd-woman-out, here. I think I understand that this piece is a celebration of your daughter’s notable kindness and generosity, as well as her intelligence, trustworthiness and social-consciousness. You are also sharing with us the pride and support you feel being the parent of such a wonderful person. Somehow, I am bothered that the title of the post is “My Bisexual Daughter” – and that her given name or other term of endearment isn’t used anywhere in the post; it feels like she is still being labeled. I am not a parent, and I don’t judge people’s character based on their sexuality, so these things may make me tone deaf to your intent. xo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I hear you Leslie and I appreciate your comment. The title was a creative choice. I knew that readers would expect something else, not necessarily what I’d written. It was also meant to visually represent what I believe some people will/do see first as her identity, when really we all have layers. Kinda like my own daughters, for example, if they were to write my “author mother” or something like that, but then express how they really see me. Being an author doesn’t really matter to them; I’m just their mom. That was my intent. But I do understand what you’re saying and I don’t feel judged 😊

      Liked by 2 people

  5. Amen to that! This is such a beautiful, sweet post, and I’m so glad your daughter has you as her mother. Society is sorely lacking in compassion and understanding, but those that matter will know that sexuality doesn’t matter, that there’s far more to a person. You’ve worded this wonderfully, and I hope she gets to read it, frame it and keep it forever as a reminder of how awesome she (and you!) is ♥
    Caz xx

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Your daughter sounds like an amazing young woman, and I can understand why you are proud of her. You should be! The world needs more people with her intelligence, compassion and determination. I live for the day when sexual identity simply doesn’t matter…because honestly, it doesn’t. It’s her choice and her business, and I’m so sorry if anyone is making her feel as if there is something wrong with whatever her identity happens to be. And I’m grateful that you are her mother, as I know you will give her the validation she needs!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you Ann! She definitely is! Well, no one is making her feel any type of way, and if they did, she’d certainly give them all the words in the dictionary and a few citations, so there’s no issue there. I was just thinking in general. We tend to stress sexuality soooo much, and I’m not sure why, when for any of us, that’s like a very small percentage of who we are.

      Thank you again for your kindness ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Aaaaarch does damn labels. Yes, they do clarify, but woman, they sure as h*ll resulted in lots of unnecessary problems throughout the centuries.
    Anyways, like her mother, your daughter is an inspiration.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Well said. People identifying as heterosexual don’t tend to get defined by their sexuality, why should others. My son identifies as bisexual but is reluctant to give sexual preferences – not because of any shame in the least, but because of the ‘labelling’ that can occur.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Never ever, unless it’s outside of the norm of “traditional” sexuality. I find many people in the younger generation do not want to be defined by labels. My daughter is the same way when it comes to her eating preference.

      Like

  9. Your daughter sounds like an awesome person and she’ll be fine because the most important person in her life accepts her for who she is. Sometimes society will box you in nomatter what but if the closest people in your life are on your side then they will never win.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. 100% with you KE. My daughter has the same sexuality and it’s not in the top 10 things I think of when I think of who she is. To be just a tiny bit political :), as one who is rooted in the 1960s-based Civil Rights/hippies mentality, it is disturbing to me that the Left today (in a reversal from 50 years ago) seems more obsessed with this labeling machinery than the Right.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Depends on the intention of the labelling…the LGBTIQ+ and all other sorts of labels embraced by the ‘left’ help to provide a voice and inclusivity to all…it embraces diversity in all its nuances whereas the broader stroke labelling by the ‘right’ e.g. ‘gay’ ‘immigrant’ ‘black’ lumps a whole lotta people in the one category for the convenience of defining the ‘other’. I don’t think we should live on the microscale by labels but in the political arena, in work places, in the media etc, it is important to acknowledge the full spectrum of identity and until we have a better way to do that, the labels are necessary.

    1. Full disclosure: I first thought, “Well, they need to meet each other” lol then I was like oh no, no, no that’s a very mom response. Plus, they’re not eight years olds who need a playdate

      Like

  11. Thanks for sharing, Kathy. When we label others, we fail to see their inner beauty and the gifts they bring to our world. From what you say about your daughter, I believe that she has the courage and strength to overcome the bigotry she encounters in life.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank YOU for reading and commenting. I know (because I hear about her friends’ parents) that this is definitely not always the case, especially living here in the South :-/

      Like

  12. It sounds to me like your daughter has more than just a lot of positive qualities. It sounds like she knocks it out of the park. It is shameful that the world has so many self-righteous, self-serving people (mostly white men, and certainly mostly men) running things and continuing to promote false, inexcusable boundaries such as this one (there’s a long list).

    Liked by 3 people

  13. Sounds like a great young woman. Folks need to mind their own business. She is a gem and a jewel.

    As a kid I would sneak injured and hungry animals into our basement. My Mom was always finding strays enjoying my hospitality.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. First of all, I’m so glad you’re back in this space D! And yes, folks do lol

      Nursing sick animals to health sounds really compassionate and it seems like something that’s stayed with you even now ❤

      Like

  14. Beautifully written. Your daughter is indeed amazing. You should be very proud of her abilities and accomplishments.
    Unfortunately, Society has NEVER been a very good gage by which anyone should live their life. “Society” has jailed men and women who were war heroes, scientists, doctors, artists, humanitarians, simply because those making the laws were uncomfortable with anyone they considered to be different. I think of people like Oscar Wild, Alan Turing, Simeon Solomon etc. I think of countless men who locked up their wives in institutions so they could dispose of them and society said that was ok. Or how brilliant people with a physical disability were forced into institutions to be hidden away. Society has NEVER been particularly wise or compassionate.
    I saw an interesting show a while back on PBS about a brilliant female artist who in the early 1900’s was doing quite well. Until her family had her institutionalized for living with another woman. Decades later a great niece found her art in an attic and put it on display.
    The world is more tolerant now. But in order to keep it that way, we each must all make sure to vote and vote wisely so we get open minded leaders who keep society moving forward.
    Be proud of your daughter. To hell with what narrow minded people think.

    Liked by 6 people

    1. She absolutely is! When people tell me how great she is and try to associate it with my parenting, I always tell them, she came to me like this lol

      You’re right about society. People tend to do what’s self-serving, instead of what’s compassionate, not realizing that the compassionate act will always serve everyone.

      Thanks for this comment Lesley!

      Like

  15. This was beautiful. It is sad that we live in. A cruel world which makes it som imperative that our kids we love them no matter what. The love and support you have for your daughter are clear through this expression. Thank you for sharing!

    Liked by 2 people

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