One of the lessons I quickly learned in my formative years was that life can be unfair. As a little girl, I’d been told that I must be gracious, soft, and empathetic to all. To always offer a welcoming smile. To be a listening ear and a shoulder to lean on. And I did just that. I became a sort of expert who had perfected the art of loving others. People were drawn to my positivity. Don’t get me wrong, it was as pure and real as they come. I wasn’t faking my concern for people. And it was truly fulfilling being a beacon of light and support for others. But after a while, I began to experience an undesirable side effect. I became drained and discouraged, almost to a depressing degree. I needed love too! Looking back, I realize that feeling was inevitable. I’d learned how to love others but had no idea how to extend the same to myself.
Nowadays, I’ve learned to strike a balance between how much of my energies I dedicate to others and how much I reserve for myself.
I’m happier with myself now and…I don’t feel drained so often.
But, this only happened when I began to learn to take care of, and most important, love myself. In our overly narcissistic and self-centered world, such can appear an unseemly venture. But like everything in life, a healthy balance is all I endorse. I needed that phase. And I’m pleased to share a few cool things that I discovered on my journey to self-love:
- It begins with a deliberate effort. If you’re like I was and prone to caring for others to the detriment of yourself, you’re going to need a deliberate plan to cut that off. Decide that you will love others, but also purposefully love yourself.
- You must respect and value yourself first. Have you ever had nice and expensive plates and cutlery? Or perhaps something else that meant a lot to you? If you did, I’m guessing you took great care of them. Why? Because things of value are worth giving the utmost care and attention. You are valuable, my friend. More than any of your possessions. You should love yourself.
Eat like you love yourself. Move like you love yourself. Speak like you love yourself. Act like you love yourself…and LIVE like you love yourself.
- It helps boost your self-confidence. Deliberately loving yourself helps you feel great about yourself. You begin to take on your daily tasks with an air of assuredness and positivity. And very soon, others can notice this new lease of life as well. You tend to laugh more, glow more and feel healthier.
- It helps you become a more mature person. When you embrace self-love, your outlook on life changes, and you become a better and more mature individual. The opinions of others become less significant to you and you become more conscious of the things you spend your time and energy on.
And in the end… guess what?
To love yourself helps you love others better!
This was my most shocking discovery on my journey to self-love. The more I loved others, the bigger my heart grew to care for others. I was happy and fulfilled inside, so it became easier to get others to partake of the same. After all, it’s said that you can’t give what you don’t have…
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(Shared for Forgiving Fridays)
Beautiful post with a great message. I wrote Something similar.Hope you will like it .
https://natesh557112956.wordpress.com/2019/06/08/stop-expecting-start-accepting/
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Thanks! I’ll take a look soon.
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💕👌
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Wonderful advice! It took me until my 60’s to learn this. Sharing this information and reaching people early in their life’s journey will be very helpful. With age comes wisdom. But, I sure wish I had read this a few decades earlier. Thanks so much for sharing.
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Agreed Lesley! For me, it was 40s and a lifetime of shenanigans.
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some things we already know but it takes being reminded of it in just the right way to finally click in – this is wonderful, Kathy ❤
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Thanks da-AL! I agree. Sometimes we forget and get unconsciously stuck in a negative pattern.
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I completely agree! It’s so easy to equate self-love with an egotistical preoccupation with ourselves, but that isn’t what it means at all. It just means accepting who we really are, and caring enough about ourselves to make sure our own needs are met. And when we do that, we can be so much more giving to others. It is, as you say, a balancing act that we all need to master!
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Agreed Ann!
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Thank you for sharing that 🙂
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Thank you Lovely! It seems to have resonated with quite a few people 😉
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Yes I see it 🙂 was very interesting to read all comments 💙
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Great post, I think it takes strength and time to truly value yourself. Thank you for sharing a great piece of work.
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Agreed! Thank you for stopping by and reading.
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I loved the word SelfFul. My learning has too been similar and fairly recent after feeling so drained off of my own energy. And that because I have always seen to be the positive one, the one full of energy, the only one to talk to, the shoulder … I had to learn to draw boundaries of self-care and seek out company that nourished me, so I don’t get depleted again.
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It seems those who have the biggest heart fall prey to this type of behavior. They (and you) are the kind ones and have to remember to set aside some love for oneself, as you’ve mentioned.
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I relate a lot to this, I used to feel drained and discouraged too, and taken for granted on top of that by the very people I loved and cared about.
Love the wisdom shared here, and agree self-love changes things for the better.
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This seems to be a really relevant one Khaya! I’m glad you’ve learned to put you first ❤
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This is brilliant! It really gives more depth behind why loving yourself and investing in self-care is important, giving us more motivation to do it because it’s so important, and should be done without feeling guilty or selfish =]
Caz xx
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Isn’t it??? It’s such a simple concept, but one we aren’t really taught. We’re taught the opposite, in fact.
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This is so good! I love Ray’s tips to love himself – they are solid actions to self-love. I also appreciate his observation that self-love leads to confidence and feeling great about ourselves!
Kathy, if you want to, feel free to tag one of these self-love posts for #ForgivingFridays. I do it once per month now, and I’m happy to highlight whichever one calls to you for forgiveness. Just link to my most recent Forgiving Fridays, and use #ForgivingFridays in your tags.
Bless you! Really awesome and inspiring to love. Thank you Kathy. ❤
Debbie
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I agree. She really has a knack for explaining things clearly!
I’ll be sure to link these soon. Thanks for your kind words Debbie ❤
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Awesome, Kathy! ❤ You got it. Truly a wonderful series. Love you.
Debbie
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Got the link — I’m honored to share Ray’s story and her awesome tips for #ForgivingFridays. Will be posting in March ❤ Much loving to you!
Debbie
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Lovely post. Resonated so much. Still learning to balance but getting there slowly.
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I knew it would ❤ That's why I used your self-love quote from last year 😉
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🙂 Wish that I could have contributed. But I’m loving your features!
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Next time! You got a book to publish 😉
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👍🏾
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I love reading these, KE. Thanks to the writers for sharing their stories, and to you for giving them a platform. I’m on my own journey to self-love right now. My map might be different from other people’s, but the direction is the same. These show me I’m on the right track and keep me motivated. 🙂
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You’re so welcome Joan! I’m glad you’re benefitting from these stories. Wishing you well on your journey ❤
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Completely agree. Love yourself first. You can’t really love others if you don’t.
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I totally agree Anne. I’ve begun to add 100% at the end, though. You can’t really love others 100% if you don’t love yourself.
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Exactly
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Excellent share!🙌
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Thank you! I think you’d enjoy her blog.
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Balance in all we do is indeed very important.
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Absolutely Miriam!
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