DADDY CONTRIBUTOR: LaCharmine (L.A.) Jefferson

Today, meet LaCharmine (L.A.) Jefferson. Her story, “Wrong Number” kicks off the second half of Daddy, where each story moves towards women who want to relate to, forgive, and understand their fathers.  In her narrative, she describes the challenges with maintaining an adult relationship with her dad.

1521808695783Why were you inspired to contribute to this book? I was inspired to contribute to this book because I wanted to share a little-known fact about the complexity of daddy-daughter issues. Growing up with your father in the home does not negate you from having daddy-daughter issues. These issues can occur in the midst of a seemingly normal relationship. A few years ago I purchased a book on the art of personal essay writing. After several brainstorming sessions for topics, I noticed that my dad was coming up a lot. I had “daddy issues.” What’s even stranger than this late revelation is that I adore my dad. I have many fond memories of our time together when I was growing up. But when he and my mother separated after I graduated high school, I encountered a different man, a man far less perfect than he claimed to be. Our relationship became strained.

What is your father-daughter relationship like now? My husband passed away suddenly in a house fire in December 2017. I saw my dad, by chance, the day after at my aunt’s house, who lives two houses down from my sister where I was staying at the time. Over the following weeks and months that followed, my father never extended himself to me to see how I was doing, inquire about where I was living temporarily until my house is repaired. Nothing. “What kind of father does that?” I asked myself multiple times. That only added to the pain I was experiencing from the loss of my husband. After a few weeks of acknowledging my hurt and anger over his inability to put anyone’s feelings above his own, I finally called him to let him know how I was doing. He was glad that I called. I heard it in his voice. At the end of our conversation, he said, “I love you.” I said the same. I was proud of myself that the God in me overcame the temptation of my flesh to sever the relationship with my father. Like I said in my story, he is the only dad that I have.

If there is one thing you could tell women who struggle with “daddy issue” what would it be? Free yourself from the pain by forgiving your father. In Luke 23:34, Jesus set the example when he said to His Father, “Forgive them Father for they know not what they do,” when His chosen people hung Him from a cross. Recognize that your father did the best with what he had based on his upbringing. I don’t think it’s possible for a parent not to love their child. However, they can certainly be clueless as to how to show it. Rest in the knowledge that you are loved by the most High God, our Heavenly Father.

If there is one thing you could tell men with daughters what would it be? You are your daughter’s first experience with the love of a man. Whether she wants to or not, she will engage in relationships with men based on her relationship with you, good or bad. Love her unconditionally. Tell her she is beautiful no matter what. Tell her she is the best gift for any man that she shares her time with.

What do you hope your story accomplishes? I hope my story projects the importance of forgiveness. I know it’s cliché, but the act of forgiving really is more for you than it is for the person who hurt you. Harboring un-forgiveness in your heart prevents your from living your best life.

What are you working on currently? I’m in the beginning stages on writing my third fiction novel. So far I’ve written about a woman’s addiction to the wrong man for all the wrong reasons (Unfinished Business) and a married couple doing all the wrong things as they’re attempting to overcome the pain of infidelity in their marriage (Reconciliation to Hell). Now I’m writing about a once loving marriage, seemingly, being divided by one spouse’s budding relationship with God.

lajeffersonLaCharmine (L.A.) Jefferson’s writing can also be found on her blog, Naturally L.A. She is a wife and mother of two. Visit her website for more information.

A portion of the book’s proceeds will be contributed to an organization important to Jefferson, Vista Maria. The organization’s mission is to “deliver innovative care, support, treatment and education to vulnerable youth so that they heal, believe in their worth, and build the skills needed to succeed.”

The eBook version of Daddy is available now for pre-order!

The paperback version is available for order here.

4 thoughts on “DADDY CONTRIBUTOR: LaCharmine (L.A.) Jefferson

    1. I’m thinking (though I don’t know for sure), unconditional love takes A LOT of work. It’s hard to just love someone no matter what, and I also think we’ve been taught that we have to be in relationship with someone if we love them. Although I think love is an action word, I’m starting to wonder if you have to be in relationship with the person. I don’t know.

      Forgiveness is kind of the same way. We want someone to DO something after the forgiveness, but it could be that things remain the same. So, here I am loving you (unconditionally) and forgiving you, but you’re still an a-hole and that’s rather common, but frustrating.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. My heart goes out to LaCharmaine’s having lost her husband in a house fire, last year.
    Something she said about growing up with her father and seeming to have a normal relationship jangled something loose in me. I grew up with both parents making me and my siblings feel secure and cared-for, but they divorced after 20 years of marriage. Neither of my parents grew up with their natural fathers and they didn’t want us to grow up without ours. When our parents divorced, that meant my father had to develop being a dad without our mother’s help (i.e. she always purchased gifts and said they were from the both of them, etc); and I feel that was a work-in-progress up until his death in 2014. I learned that sometimes what we experience as callous behavior from a parent has less to do with us and more to do with how they may have been handled by their parents and people who raised them❤️.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I understand what you’re saying Leslie. When my mother died, I found out who was doing what (e.g., EVERYTHING). I remember crying because my dad didn’t even know how I liked my eggs. So, I agree. I think we have to remember that these people, our parents that we idolize sometimes are just people, with backgrounds and issues, like everyone else. We came in on the part where they were supposed to fulfill another type of role. Some figure it out; others flounder.

      Liked by 1 person

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