DADDY CONTRIBUTOR: Tikeetha Thomas

Unlike The Unhappy Wife book, Daddy is not written by me. This anthology includes stories written by women, who felt it important to publicly re-tell narratives centered on their relationship with their father. Each woman’s purpose is similar, yet different. Every Friday, I invite you to read about their reason why.

Today, meet Tikeetha Thomas, author of “A Daughter’s Grace,” which not only illustrates the difference between grace and forgiveness, but also shows the challenge that comes with offering it to an absent father.

1521808695783Why were you inspired to contribute to this book? The relationship between a father and daughter can be complicated. He’s supposed to be her first love. However, in many cases of divorce or abandonment that doesn’t always happen and it can have a lasting effect on how we conduct our own relationships. In my case, my parents divorced and my dad never looked back. There were glimpses where he would show up and promise things that never came to fruition, but he wasn’t there. This affected me greatly. I struggled in my relationships; I struggled with finding my own identity and believing it and I struggled in trying to get to know my father as an adult. I wanted to share the awkwardness, pain and anger that can come with trying to rebuild a relationship.

What is your father-daughter relationship like now? It’s non-existent. He called me and left me a voicemail on my birthday months ago and I’ve yet to call him back. Partly because I have a lot going on and I can’t focus on more than one battle at a time and mainly because I don’t know what to say beyond hello. I didn’t call for Thanksgiving or Christmas. I am just going through the motions of viewing him as a man that I dated and I may or may not call back. There’s no rush because I’m not really interested in him, so I’ve slid him to the side.

If there is one thing you could tell your father what would it be? I survived in spite of you not being present. Through all the traumas, trials and tribulations that I endured – I’m still standing.

If there is one thing you could tell women who struggle with “daddy issues” what would it be?

Don’t let not having a dad define you. Find out who you are and what you want out of life without looking to get it from men that may not ever understand. Work on you. You don’t need a man to tell you that you’re pretty. Look in the mirror every day and say those words to yourself. No man is worth your self-esteem. By lying up under the wrong man you could cause yourself a lifetime worth of issues.

If there is one thing you could tell men with daughters what would it be? Don’t leave. Even if you have a hateful relationship with your daughter’s mother, stay a part of her life. Write in a journal daily letters to let her know about life, you, your family and just to encourage her. Stay in her life and help her understand the facts of life. Be her first love. Encourage her dreams and do what you promise. Your words matter.

What do you hope your story accomplishes? I hope that it sheds some light to the complicated relationships women can have with their fathers. That people see the importance of being there and that women know that they are not alone in missing their daddy. But, I think I want women to know that if he’s not there that you are still valuable and worthy of love from a wonderful man.

What are you working on currently? Wow! I’m busy! Personally, I’m working on going into a couple of business ventures and writing a book of fiction loosely based on my life. I’m also in a relationship-a healthy relationship, so I’m working on developing that and getting to the next level. I’m raising my son to be an amazing young man, which is the most important thing in my life right now. I’m active in my sorority. I’m writing grants for my son’s school, active in the PTA, active in a number of social groups and blogging while working. With all that I have going on, I’m also working full-time managing a staff of five. But, I love my job. I actually wake up each day excited to go into work.

tikeethaTikeetha Thomas is a full-time working mom with a beautiful nine-year-old son who is the apple of her eye. She resides in Maryland and spends time volunteering, blogging, and maintaining a healthy relationship with a wonderful man. You can read more about her life at her blog, A Thomas Point of View.

A portion of the book’s proceeds will be contributed to an organization important to Thomas, the March of Dimes. According to their mission statement, “Prematurity is the #1 killer of babies in the United States. We are working to change that and help more moms have full-term pregnancies and healthy babies.”

The eBook version of Daddy is available now for pre-order!

The paperback version of Daddy is available for order here.

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27 thoughts on “DADDY CONTRIBUTOR: Tikeetha Thomas

  1. “I survived in spite of you not being present. Through all the traumas, trials and tribulations that I endured – I’m still standing.” And the advice that followed that; WOW.
    Yep, that is my realization too with regards to my birth-father. And I decided, I think it was two years ago, finally to let him go. He doesn’t define me, he didn’t want to be part of my life and it is my choice to accept that and move forward. So I did, even thou I know I will never understand the why, I also know I am better of without trying to have a relationship with someone who is isn’t fully willingly to invest in me. He made his choice, now I’ve made mine. I think it is similar to a grieve process if someone you love dies: The hurt about it has soften and acceptance followed.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Patty, I think you raise a good point about moving on/forward. A lot of times we want to know why something happened or we want to try to understand what the rationale was; however, we have to move on regardless because it’s for our own health, right?

      I also agree with your comparison. Because I’ve had both experiences, I see them similarly. The only difference is (for me) it was easier to accept my mother’s death because she was gone. With my father, it was a challenge to know he was alive and making a choice to be distant.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh yes! I totally can resonate with that second part too. When I disconnected myself from my mother, that constant conflict of knowing she is alive and not able to connect in a healthy way, healthy for the both of us. So frustrating and sad at the same time. After realizing and the harder part; accepting she will never change, I figured out a way how to be able to stay in touch, without falling back in my own old patterns. So far it is working, fingers crossed haha
        My birth-dad…he is still alive, but the two times we had contact (at the funerals of my grandparents) he didn’t even knew my birth-date. His fifth wife, who was there too, didn’t even now about my existence. In addition, I was able to find him and reach out to him, many years later and he never tried to find me. A case of one plus one is two, for me. But yes, at times the hurt of knowing how it could be different still comes up. And at those moments I ask myself, do I still feel good about my decision to cut him off. As long as it still feels good, I stick with it. And by now, I already said goodbye to him in my mind. He is at an age, he will probably not live long anymore. When I hear he died, I will said goodbye with my heart too. My soul however, will probably always feel sad. I wish me and so many others didn’t have to go through this process. But in those cases, I think it is ok to be selfish and choose your own happiness, right?

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Well, not if killing another brings you happiness, for instance 😉
        Just teasing, I know what you mean. Oh and about that nagging inner voice (other post)…a thought for you: what if I tell you, that critical voice isn’t probably even ‘you’? But most likely a thought placed in your head by society; getting a manicure is a luxury and/or have Vietnamese women taking care of your feet must is wrong, taking advantage of these particular women.
        Is it really? And do you truly belief that to be true yourself? Or isn’t there a justified reason to feel guilty in the first place?

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I am always amazed at how damned complicated we humans make life. Why can’t we just get our shit together and keep things simple? I guess we’re just not wired that way. It’s like a never-ending Greek drama.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I understand what you mean Akilah. For a long time people would say “he’s still your father,” and I never knew what that meant, exactly. Like you, I had to decide (and live with) how I chose to show up as a daughter.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. What in the who hay hell? A lot of times I think it’s just them being men…but sometimes, I’m like what in the world? Like what do you even say to someone after not speaking for five years?

        Like

      2. “You know I love you, right? I love all my kids” is usually where he starts. Anyway, thanks to this post, I haven’t called him yet and will decide after some serious reflection whether or not I even want to.

        Liked by 1 person

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