Monday Notes: Some People

~ K E Garland

img_6288Some people will only call; they’ll never visit. Hearing the sound of your voice is enough to fill thousands of miles between.

Some people will only text; they’ll never call. lolz, emoji smiles, and gifs are enough to remind them of the place you hold in their hearts.

Some people will only check social media to determine your well-being; they’ll never text. Reading about your last coffee house visit or your latest societal gripe is good enough to know you still exist.

Some people will allow you to fade into a distant memory, assigning your time together as a seasonal happenstance, relegating your relationship to a blip on life’s journey.

Most will do what they want to maintain a relationship. Who are you? What’s your relationship style?

63 thoughts on “Monday Notes: Some People”

  1. I’ve found that when I receive long texts with pics; but brief rare calls. My friendship has entered social media territory. Never will I see this person in the flesh again. Emojis will smile at me on Christmas and blink on Easter but no calls. Not sure what to make of this to be honest. So, I just let go.

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  2. Should I say am in between… I do not visit..am too lazy for that.
    But I guess I try to call and text.
    I value my friendships more than I do relationships. I hardly video chat doh except if u r really special. But once a person doesn’t make an effort to keep the relationship going, the effort on my part completely reduces. Great post

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    1. Aha! See, I’ve stopped categorizing friendships as one thing and relationships as another. Now, I treat all relationships (romantic, familial, and friend) the same, at the core level, of course lol. I do agree that if the relationship isn’t reciprocal, then I let it go a lot faster, or at least parts of it.

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  3. I am all of these! I have learned not to get sucked into toxic relationships but often pray for their wellbeing. Sometimes distancing yourself is best for everyone. I am also known to be the person who can pick things up right where they left off.

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  4. I’m more of a text person or prefer to meet friends in real life, mostly the latter. I don’t think you can properly determine someone’s well being based on social media so I try to make sure I meet up with people every so often to do a proper catch up

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    2. Do we get to choose our relationship style? My experience has been one of a combination of all you listed. I have tried to maintain relationship /friendships from high school or college years that I’ve out-grown and we no longer connected in the same way. I have opened myself to present friendships that only became for like acquaintances for whatever the reason. You might be able to help me out here but all friendships are not created equal. It depends on the dynamics, personalities and the level of connection or does the means of communication determine the level of connection. Does deep, true friendships, the kind you want to call or connect face to face take time?

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      1. I agree Zonnette. Unfortunately, all friendships are not created equal, but I have always tried to be the same person in each relationship in hopes to attract and relate to those who have similar values. Hope this makes sense. I’ve had to think for a minute about the question you’ve posed. I’d have to say yes and no, depending on the very factors you’ve mentioned. I’ve actually created (what I consider) deep, true friendships with very little calling or face-to-face time. Thanks for delving a little deeper into this concept. I suppose our relationships and how we relate are as different as we are.

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      3. Yes I agree! Not all relationships are equal and the style of your communication changes according to the person. Generally speaking I prefer meeting than interacting via call/text but it depends on the relationship. There’s certain friends who I barely see but we connect every so often through text and it works that way. Also I can feel connected to people without necessarily having to meet up too. And yep deep friendships can take time to form

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  5. I’m not a phone person at all. An occasional visitor. I prefer letters on paper, mailed with a stamp. Then email. Texts are OK, better than leaving a message on a machine. Social media like FaceBook is more for entertainment than actually keeping tabs on anyone. I love WP though, fellow writers feel more like family than my family. LOL. 🙂

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    1. Joan, I honestly didn’t know people still wrote letters on paper, mailed with a stamp! I think that takes a great amount of discipline and care (something I never would’ve thought I’d be saying about writing a letter lol). Totally agree about WP. A lot of times we do know each other better because we pour our little hearts out on here ❤

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  6. Well, I for one doesn’t like to talk on the phone. I find the conversation drags as people look for things to say while you’re on the phone with them. I’d rather write but I’m mindful that there will come a day when I can’t write because of PD. But look at Stephen Hawkings, he did alright for himself.

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    1. I hear you JC. I sparingly talk on the phone and I have a lot of unwritten rules about it: (1) the person better not be complaining all the time; (2) the person should not dominate the conversation; and etc. etc. lol

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  11. Kathy, it makes me smile as being on here and talking to so many over the net could be damning.:)
    However, my preference is to be with people in the flesh , see their eyes and movements, hear their voices.
    I write a lot privately and use the phone just to hear the voices of those friends near me.
    I guess the easy access via net facilitates conversation with so many more and there is a richness in that too. Maybe the difficulty is finding the balance.
    miriam

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    1. There is something you cannot get with virtual communication, and that’s everything you’ve described here. I also think that’s why fewer and fewer children are comfortable with what you’ve described; they’re not used to engaging in that way, and it’s become uncomfortable in a way.

      I’m finding balance is key, no matter what Miriam 🙂

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  12. Personally, for true friendships, I want to hear their voice now and then. Meanwhile, if we live far apart, we text mostly and call now and then. But I really don’t think social media is a good substitute for real friendship, and I try not to sink to that level. Social media relationships are for those acquaintances in our past who were never close friends in the first place, I think. Social media has it’s place, but it is not substitute for the real thing! Thanks for another thought-provoking post…you have a gift for them!

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    1. Thanks Ann! I appreciate those kind words. I think you’ve hit the nail on the head, when you say “true friendships.” I’d agree and say that true relationships require face to face interactions 😉

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    1. Thanks Akilah! I’m not sure if I write it as much as it just forms in my brain and I type it up real quick. I guess I don’t consider myself a poet, but every now and then words form like you see here.

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  16. So many people came to mind reading each instance you list 🙂 Some are a bit sad reminders. Because I am all that yet I fall in the last category a lot more …do what it takes to maintain a relationship …just that sometimes the ways don’t match at all.

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    1. Thanks for sharing that. I’m similar. It just depends on who it is, and I what made me write this is exactly what you say here. Neither is right or wrong, but sometimes people don’t communicate the way we value, and the relationship dissipates.

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  18. That’s really thought provoking. I represent all of these types, just some of my relationships are more intense than others. I’ve got friends from my college years with whom I only exchange likes on social media and that kind of support is enough for both parties; we don’t expect or want to connect deeper, because we have people closer to us than them in our everyday existence.

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  19. It seems the older I get, the smaller my circle of close friends becomes. If we live at ‘visit-distance’ and we don’t seem the be able to find time to visit each other, after about a year I propose to even try to find a suitable time that fits us both. If the friendship is still important enough, I believe one (including me) will create time.
    For me, the friends in the virtual world are also important to me. I never forget, they are human beings just like me. However, maybe also due to my age?, a friendship just for ‘small talk’…I noticed those friendships I more easily shift down my list of ‘need to get in touch with him/her soon again’.

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    1. I understand this Patty. The older I get, the less time I want to spend on small talk; it seems pointless in a way. I’d rather have a GREAT conversation about something we both value, no matter the platform.

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  20. Oooh good post! I often pose this question in my mind. My main three friends we are texters. Only one of us is on social media so we really don’t know what’s going on with each other unless we actually pick up our phones and place a call or send a text. I really despise facebook. I’ve had people that have my phone number contact be on facebook messenger instead of picking up the phone and texting me or calling me it’s so annoying. I really don’t use facebook or social media or anything but business. I feel like if you know me and love me, you’ll contact me the organic, old fashioned way and use the phone or come see me. Thank you for this post!

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    1. Thanks Nicole Alicia! I’m finding many people who are like you and “despise FB.” I wonder what it is? The brevity and (sometimes) fakeness? Anywho, I also don’t know why people prefer to use Messenger, instead of simply texting, since it’s really just a form of texting anyway. It all gets to be too much sometimes. I like how you described using the phone/visiting as the “organic, old fashioned way” lol It’s funny that that’s now seen as old fashioned.

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  21. Wow very thought provoking post. Sometimes with social media I find myself way more disengaged with my friends and family than I would like to be… when things get busy sometimes just ‘liking’ a friend’s post seems like enough, but really it’s not. I’ve been trying to make a conscious effort lately to reach out more to my friends and family rather than taking the easy, impersonal way through social media. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE social media for connecting with other blogger friends that I may not have met otherwise, but it’s definitely impersonal for close friends and family.

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    1. I agree when it comes to “real” friends and family. I have a family member who insists she can know everything about me just by checking FB. In my mind, all you know is what I ate for lunch the other day, or where I checked in lol Apparently, someone had also shown my 92 year old grandmother my page a few times, and even she admitted that she felt like she already knew what was going on with me lol Such an illusion.

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  22. Thoughtful post. I’m mainly a texter because I hate phone calls, but sometimes they’re necessary. Few of my dear friends are also overseas so once in awhile I’ll video call them and that feels really good to see them.

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    1. Thank you! I forgot about video chatting with people! Calling someone is last on my list, too, mainly because I hate for people to unload on me about their lives, which happens frequently.

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      1. Oh yes! I totally forgot about video chats. While I don’t video chat often my children and grandchildren always face time me. It’s the best of both worlds. My grandkids read to me, put on min plays, shoe me when the lost a tooth, and it’s better than just talking. I think I enjoy face timing best of all.

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  23. I cherish all of my relationships. Social media has enabled me to reconnect and make new friends. If my relationship came about through social media (fellow bloggers, former elementary school classmates, relatives I haven’t seen in decades), I appreciate seeing updates and am supportive with my comments and likes.
    For my dear friends, we stay in touch through email and getting together. With some friends it might be every 6 months and others more often. I have one friend whom I talk with only and never see.
    This is again such a thoughtful post, Katherin. Thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to clarify and understand my relationships. 🙂

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    1. Thanks for sharing this Judy! This was my point after all…neither is right or wrong, it’s just a matter of preference, personality, and relationship, and hopefully, your values align with someone else’s, so you can keep in touch in an appropriate way for you two.

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  25. Great question posed. I think I do a little bit of everything. It depends on how busy my life is, if I’m sick, if I’m out of town etc. I post frequently on social media now that I’m retired. It’s rather like having a journal. I have some friends who are not very tech savvy and therefore would never read a blog or text or go on social media, So I will either call or email them, but sometimes that’s difficult and life gets in the way. However, I do try to stay in touch somehow. I have to admit it’s easier to shoot a text or email than call sometimes. And frustrating when some friends my age refuse to stay up on current technology. Yes, speaking to someone is the best, but staying in touch any way possible is still meaningful. I have two grown sons. They are busy working and usually call me a few times a week. They also do group texts between each other and include me. The texts are witty and include pictures. It’s all wonderful and a reminder that they are thinking of their dear old mom. I wish when I was their age this technology had been available. My parents had to wait for long letters when I was in college or living out in California after graduating and doing my thing. They would have loved the instant connection texting brings. We’re really pretty lucky to have the world at our fingertips. So there’s no excuse not to keep in touch.

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    1. Thanks Lesley! I totally agree with what you’ve said here, all of it lol I especially agree that there is ZERO reason not to keep in touch with someone, if you truly want to. A quick text is an option, so s/he knows they’re being thought of.

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  26. I’m not an “only” type of friend, but I do vacillate between calling and texting and my people do the same. Sometimes checking social media prompts me to call or text. But solely checking social media seems so disengaged, impersonal and cold… so cold that I plop those who choose to only “communicate” that way into the acquaintance box or allow them to fade into a distant memory.

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    1. Now you’ve summarized that perfectly in the end Kelley. That’s how I feel about ONLY using social media to communicate (with real friends and family). I mean, we might as well not be in relationship because you’re not trying to relate at all lol

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