*Monday Notes: **Forgiving Fridays as a Path Towards Self-Love

I forgive myself for thinking there was something wrong with me for so long just because I was adopted. I mean you can understand how I might’ve come to this conclusion, right? This feeling grew stronger, especially after having my own children. I thought who could give a baby away? Later, I learned this is simple for a schizophrenic, who couldn’t care for her own self, much less a child.

I forgive myself for thinking there was something wrong with me because my adopted mother died. Her death was the worst kind of abandonment for me. She cared for me on purpose, with the intent to love and nurture my being. Her death left me wondering, why? Am I not worthy enough to have any type of mother, biological or adopted?

I forgive myself for thinking there was something wrong with me because my adopted father then gave up his parental rights, leaving me to suffer a third type of abandonment. One where the only father I’ve known showed how easy it is to pass a human being on to someone else. He showed me the ease with which one could release a burden…a responsibility. This left me thinking don’t I matter to anyone?

Four years ago, I learned to be grateful for each of these experiences.

I’m grateful that my biological mother left me in an apartment at five months old. Her decision led me to a different environment and a stable, loving family.

I’m grateful for my mother’s death because I learned a valuable lesson at 16 years old. Life can end at any moment; therefore, it should be lived daily. The moment I saw her lifeless body laying in that hospital bed, my own life kicked into gear. Living on purpose wasn’t an option.

I’m grateful for my father’s abandonment. Because of it, I sought the “love” and “comfort” of other men for a very long time, and when I’d exhausted that path, I learned the only person left was the one facing me in the mirror. I learned to give myself love and then vibrate out from that place.

I’m grateful for the totality of these experiences because they’ve taught me that change is the only thing that’s constant. Whether it is as subtle as a flower’s bloom or as obvious as aging; change occurs. And because of these experiences, I know the phrase, “this too shall pass,” to be absolute truth. No pain lasts forever.

Forgiving myself for destructive self-talk and behavior has helped me release negative energy and create a flow for self-love. But first, I had to recognize places where I needed to forgive myself, not others. I had to realize that at no point is anyone else responsible for my life, only I am. For me, that’s one of the most important aspects of self-love: consciously creating your own story, one word at a time.

*This is one of those notes I kept putting off. I figured it was a nice way to begin wrapping up the self-love month.

**Written for Debbie’s Forgiving Fridays, which can be written any day of the week.

72 thoughts on “*Monday Notes: **Forgiving Fridays as a Path Towards Self-Love

  1. Very wise words! And I agree, it is often so much easier to forgive others than it is to forgive ourselves. And yet until we can learn to be kind to ourselves, we can’t really learn to take care of ourselves and be responsible for ourselves. Hence our tendency to blame others when life isn’t going to well. Self-care isn’t selfish, it’s actually necessary. Thank you for this post!!!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. You are exceptional Kathy. This had to be a bit difficult to write. Proud of you and even more proud to have gotten to know you here 💜

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Thank you for sharing. You are worthy of love. Your birth mother was just a means of getting you to where you needed to be – with your mother (adoptive, but mother none-the-less). She loved you, as I’m sure your children and husband do.

    I’m seeing red over your “father”. That was on him, and he should go to bed every night thinking about what he did. There are people out there who think people are disposable. My son was recently in the hospital (flu and pneumonia). The doctor in the ER kept telling me that there are homes for people like my son and that I didn’t have to contend with the burden or raising a special needs child. His sentiment, not mine. It tells us a lot about this doctor, but not about my son.


    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you JoaAnn. I see things the same as you do. My father has since died, but I do think he kind of understood by the time he left. Cancer kicked his compassion button on.

      What in the world kind of response is that to have or say to someone’s mother about their son??? I thought they used to teach doctors bedside manner and such.


  4. Your story is inspiring and motivating to me. I’m glad you took the steps to go through this process. I’ve a similar situation and slowly forgiving those in my past from being passed off from my parents to a cousin who didn’t want us, only the money.
    I’m at awe of you, Kathy! Thanks for sharing with us. ❤

    Liked by 4 people

  5. This resonated with me deeply! One of the hardest things I’ve had to learn is that I can only define myself by the decisions I make, not the decisions made by other grown people, even if that person happens to be a parent. It’s a hard lesson to learn…thank you for your honesty!

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Exactly! That’s what I had to realize as an adult (myself). Each of these people made conscious and unconscious decisions that impacted my life, but I didn’t have to continue allowing their decisions to define me. I’m glad (and sad) this resonated with you. You’re welcome and thank you for taking the time out to read and comment.


  6. Kathy, you are so courageous. This is an incredible demonstrating of self-love. I am honored for you to contribute this post for #ForgivingFridays. ❤ Blessings to you, to your biological and adopted mom and dad, and to all involved in your adoptive process. The gratitude you speak is endless abundance. I see it wrapping you in compassion and love.

    I'm happy to share this post in my upcoming blog! One request: can you link to my most recent #ForgivingFridays post (rather than my general website)? Here's the link if helpful: https://forgivingconnects.com/2018/02/23/todays-forgiving-fridays-the-incredible-natural-joy-of-forgiveness/

    Love you Kathy! Have a beautiful day and week ahead,

    Liked by 4 people

  7. Thank you for sharing your story! Forgiveness is something many of us have to face at some point in our life because of the many disconnects that started with our upbringing. It is surely a journey, but love is a powerful antidote that can heal all wounds. God Bless you ❤️

    Liked by 3 people

    1. You’re welcome! Thank you for reading and commenting. I like the way you phrase those experiences as “disconnects.” That’s what they are sometimes. We all have to come to love and compassion eventually, I think.


  8. Often we have to forgive others to move ahead and find healing. You’ve taken this to another level by realizing that sometimes we have to forgive ourselves too. I’m glad you’ve come to these conclusions, tor it shows in inner wisdom.

    Liked by 3 people

  9. Everyone has their own way of making sense of it all. Your story is compelling and it’s good to know that your way worked for you, Kathy. Sometimes the compassion you look for from others for yourself can only be dispensed by yourself.

    Liked by 2 people

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