Monday Notes: Thoughts During My Facebook Break

Every year I take a 30-day Facebook break. Just like other things, I tend to use Facebook intently and intensely, so I need to deactivate every now and then.

My social media vacay is typically around the holidays, but this time August seemed to be the best time of year. I figured I wouldn’t miss the back-to-school pics, latest Donald Trump outrage, or eclipse images. I was right. The only thing I missed is my go-to for random thoughts. Instead, I used my Notes section.

img_4769Here are August’s thoughts, with a few explanations.

Boundaries help define who you are and who you are not ~ Thomas J. Leonard I forgot where I read this quote, but it was helpful. With the help of Dwight, I’d recently realized that I still have some unresolved issues with my grandmother. Part of it is a boundary issue. While I’m firm about who I am and what I’ll take from other people, with her, my boundaries look a little like jumbled up squiggly lines (sometimes). I’m going to work on that.

It is possible to only do things you WANT to do. People argue with me about this, but for me, it’s all about choices. If you’re (an adult) participating in situations that you don’t want to, then I’d suggest it’s because you made a choice to do so. Stop choosing negative and displeasing experiences, and watch how much your life will fall into a place where you’re always where you want to be.

When do you put your spirituality into practice? Well, when do you?

Life is just an exchange of energy with others and we can choose how much, what frequency, or how often we make that exchange. I wrote this comment on Reena’s blog. I forget which topic, but something she shared made me re-think how we function as people. We tend to forget that connection is important, but we don’t have to be beholden to others’ whims.

People will not combust if you say, “No.”

If you ask me to do something, and I say, “No,” and you try to convince me to do it anyway, then that’s called manipulation. Have you ever thought of it that way? I first heard a rendition of this from Oprah years ago. And once I considered it more, I agreed. This month people have asked me to do all sorts of things that I just wasn’t feeling. I’ve gotten a lot better at simply saying no. Once they go into convincing mode, it’s much easier for me to stick to my decision because I now view it as manipulation, and I definitely don’t want to be controlled. Conversely, I respect others’ decisions more readily because I also don’t want to manipulate them into doing what I’d prefer.

Relationships aren’t meant to be stressful. Period. I’ve had a few pleasant experiences with friends this month. My friend Tarra and I hung out for approximately twelve hours one day. We laughed. We ate. We drank. I fell asleep. There was no drama and no doubt that we were both in good company. Likewise, my friend Rhonda reached out to me during her annual Florida trip. We went to the beach. I got to know her sons a little more. We ate. There was also little doubt about our friendship. In my mind, this is how relationships are supposed to be…stress-free.

Let me know what you think about social media, social media breaks, blogging breaks, or any of my August thoughts.

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78 thoughts on “Monday Notes: Thoughts During My Facebook Break

  1. I do take social media breaks, however they are not in 30 day increments, as I post to various blog groups to share my post. I try to take a weekend or a Sabbath. I find that when I do this, I have clarity of thoughts and brains, which is needed to maintain, my sometimes full life. One day, I will do a 30 day social media fast and cleanse. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I’m a bit conflicted about the thought about not doing things you don’t want to do. I don’t care for baby showers, bridal showers or anything related, but I always went when it was a good friend or a family member. My mom says, “I hate those things and I’ve finally realized I don’t have to go if I don’t want to.” The first time she said that I was in my 20s and wondered, “how would you feel if everyone who hated those things didn’t go to MY bridal or baby shower? You’d be hurt, Mom.” And some family members, people who would do anything for her, have been hurt. Sometimes we do things we don’t want to do out of love for the people involved.
    You may have inspired another post from me :).

    Liked by 2 people

    1. lol I’m with your mom! I’ve learned that it’s really okay. I used to attend all the things for all the people whom I loved/liked/cared for…for that very reason. I used to think well, I would want someone to attend (fill in the blank event), but then I realized that it’s a form of doing things out of obligation, which I no longer subscribe to. I can understand how people become hurt behind these types of actions; I think it’s because they function from the same premise you’ve mentioned. Instead, I do things pretty consciously and I’ve found that I feel a little much better while I’m there, as opposed to simply attending out of obligation.

      Feel like I rambled a bit lol but hope you hear what I mean. I also look forward to seeing your post!

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I started to write it and it didn’t go where I thought it would, so I’m rethinking it…but I still feel it’s important to do some things you don’t want to do, out of love. I understand what you’re saying and I guess in my mom’s case, I see a lot of selfishness. Several of my cousins have made great sacrifices for her, doing things I can guarantee they didn’t want to do, but they are committed to her wellbeing. Yet she won’t so much as RSVP to an invitation from them. So my feelings are colored by some anger toward her. Anyway, the post is on the back burner right now. I get what you’re saying, and no sense going to an event where you’re going to be unhappy. So I don’t know what to think right now.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I agree with all these thoughts, but I especially appreciated the one about how people who try to convince us to do something we have already said we don’t want to do are simply being manipulative. I have a friend who often says she is “challenging” someone to do something, and at first, that sounded alright. But it didn’t take me long to realize that all she really meant by “challenging” someone was trying to talk them into something they didn’t want to do. That’s not challenging, that’s just being pushy.
    I think the only time we should challenge someone is if we are challenging them to follow their own dreams…..

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Love the post! Break from social media is always a good idea when you feel you need it. I’ve been through different stages with FB – at some point I unfollowed everyone so I don’t go down the rabbit hole with FB feed. But then I started missing the people and the snippets from their lives so went back and followed them again. Then I went into Instagram and now I’m spending most of my efforts there, and FB connections are again in decline.
    But I love the idea of actually taking a whole month of every channel and then coming back to them refreshed and recharged. Perhaps that way you can keep up with all of it and not lose on connections.
    Also, boundaries with family seem to be the toughest to get clear but being aware of it is certainly the way to approach and instigate change.
    And lastly, I love the idea that life is an exchange of energy and we decide how and when and how much to “trade”. This is the definition of self-love. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Social media breaks are the best. I almost didn’t return from this recent FB one because I didn’t see the point. Once you’re away for so long and you come back, it almost looks ridiculous. Anywho, I digress lol Thanks for the other comments Vilina! I appreciate them.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Most social media I can take a break from except blogging. I feel this pressure that you will lose your followers if you’re not prolific. Although I do love blogging above all other social media.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Breaks from social media deem like a great idea. I’ve never done one but I think I might sometime. Learning to say no is one of the best things to do for yourself, took me a while to figure that out. Great insights, thx for sharing!

    Liked by 3 people

  7. I said ‘no’ to someone today fully expecting them to try to guilt-trip me into changing my mind. You know what? They didn’t and it was SUCH a relief. I think I might have said yes otherwise, just to avoid that awkwardness… reading this post really helped to re-frame my thinking about taking some much-needed time for myself, thank-you.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. What a fantastic post, Katherin. I so ‘with you’ on all topics. Hence, so much that I am going to add it to my weekly ‘other beautiful posts’ post of today.
    I deleted my Facebook-page related to my website; rather spend the time writing, reading other blogs and connecting through my website (comment section/art/email).
    Spirituality: Although I believe, spirituality is something I automatically practice in all I do, I also want to create more time to enrich my own spirituality again. If that makes sense…for instance, I apparently have been given the gift to take away pain and negative energy with my energy.
    In the spirit of that, sending you loving energy 😉 XxX

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Taking a break is a good thing and you’ve shared some great insights from AUgust that maybe wouldn’t have got a look in or maybe come a little later if cluttered amongst the whitenoise of other conversations and trains of thoughts you would have had on fb.

    As you know, I’m not on fb but took the plunge into instagram recently and yesterday got my first experience of that envy/jealousy thing that people can get looking at the feeds of others with seemingly perfect lives. The feeling made me really uncomfortable but I thought about the people whose post made me jealous (a couple with a toddler and a newborn building an amazing house out of recycled materials on their own)….I know of them as it is a small town, and know the years of sacrifices they would have made running a charity they established, raising funds for African orphans…it is no accident that they are getting back what they give. I went from being jealous to inspired and a little clearer on the kind of life I want, but more importantly, I am clear on the kind of life I don’t want. I entertained the idea of taking a break from Instagram while in the throws of jealousy, but it is generally a source of inspiration for me (beyond the experience I have shared here), and until it starts to take a lot of my time, then I probably wouldn’t have a break. As for blogging- I never take an “official” break that starts off with a meta post announcing my departure, but there are times I post more frequently and times I am quieter depending on what is going on in other parts of my life.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I know what you mean about the social media jealousy thing. It doesn’t happen much, but I do remember feeling slightly envious when everyone else’s 16 year old was driving and mine didn’t even want to look at a car. I use that as a time to remind myself that everyone’s experience is/can be different, so there’s no reason to compare in the first place. I like what you’ve gleaned from that jealous moment as well.

      Also, I’m not sure what it is, but FB is different than the others. I never break from Twitter or IG. There’s something about the way FB is set up that sucks you in to an abyss sometimes.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I think I’d prefer my child not to drive! Although I might feel differently being a taxi for a teenager. Yeah, IG seems different. Twitter would send me mad I think. Off putting that IG is owned by Zuckerberg too but that is off topic…

        Liked by 1 person

      2. ummm yeah…here you pretty much have to drive. And yes, when you’re a parent who still has a life, it can be quite inconvenient driving people all over the place. Although, little KG had no issue taking Uber. And yes, we don’t want to go down the Zuckerberg monopoly conversation…not today anyway.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Little KG haha. I think Ruben will be getting a licence as soon as legal- no stopping him and his love of wheels- kid has been riding a regular bike since 2 and a half! Hmmm…maybe I can just get him to cycle everywhere! It’s the Zuckerberg ethics (lack of) that bother me…conflicted about being on IG but it isn’t my news source. My lovely blog friend SB is hanging out for Elon Musk to buy IG before she’ll join…I admire her resove in boycotting fb products…I guess I did for 13 years…

        Liked by 1 person

  10. Aha! I was wondering how I lost your Facebook page following, now this explains the mystery. 🙂 I totally agree and support taking breaks from social media and blogging, it can be so tiring and time consuming. Love your Monday notes in general, they speak to me!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Ha! That’s what happened! I’m back though and I have to remind myself lol time consuming is exactly what they can be. I found I had so much extra time during my break. For some reason, with FB you can spend countless minutes/hours on there (even if you just add them up). Instagram, not so much.

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Kathy, this is an outstanding post! I found myself saying “yes” again and again. Congrats on taking a break from social media, love that you do that. And the part you wrote about saying no … about us taking responsibility for the situations we’re in … and about practicing our spirituality – awesome. Thank you. I appreciate it & it was a breath of fresh air for me. Blessings to you Kathy, and much joy – Debbie

    Liked by 2 people

  12. Great post, I agree with each point made. I often take breaks from social media such as Facebook but even deeper than that I enjoy turning off the electronics, wifi, and other devices to allow silence to realign my inner conflict. At times explaining the reason behind this results in interesting conversation. Either way the results are beneficial to both parties, I’m more aligned and relaxed to listen and communicate effectively.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Yes please test it out. Everyone’s experience is different. I try to turn everything including wifi off at night an hour or so before bed. My spouse tends to squirm at night so sometime I play a pre-recorded binaural beat playlist to help with inducing sleep. I can outline dreams betters, awake feeling more well rested with a focus on personal accomplishments. It helps a lot with my stressful work environment. I no longer dream of or drift into slumber while stressing about what I may have missed or terrible deadlines. Instead my thoughts are proactive if I have any at all regarding my corporate life.

        Liked by 1 person

  13. There is sooooooo much about this post that resonates with me. Especially: “It is possible to only do things you WANT to do. People argue with me about this, but for me, it’s all about choices.” Amen Dr. Garland! We are here to serve NOT to be a servant to the same takers over & over & over again. Which you punctuated by writing: “People will not combust if you say No!” <= Awesome visual!

    Thank you for once again making my day with your posts. A great reminder to save some energy for ourselves. Only then will are mind, body, spirit, and creativity thrive.

    Dr. D. ♥️

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Glad to hear it Dr. D! “…not to be a servant to the same takers over and over again,” AMEN! I really do think we are afraid of what will happen if we tell someone no. Their feelings might be hurt and they might make a fuss or hold a grudge, but that’s on them. I promise you they will not burst into flames lol

      One thing I’ve become super adamant about is preserving my time and energy. I cannot get either back, so I have to be mindful about where it’s spent 😉

      You’re so welcome and thanks for reading and commenting.

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Like all of your notes, esp the one on Saying No and subsequent “manipulation.” That’s a good word for it, and I will carry that thought in my head to help strengthen my resolve. We all do things we don’t want to do… I don’t want to floss every night, but I don’t want another root canal either. As you said, it’s a choice. I don’t really take media vacations because I spend little time on FaceBook and rarely post. So I miss a lot of the junk in the scroll, but most people don’t do anything constructive with it anyway, just get upset and write hateful comments. Great post, I always look forward to your “notes.”

    Liked by 3 people

    1. It really does help when you think about it that way. Right about not flossing and subsequent root canals, but we also have a saying over here, “you can do whatever you want, as long as you can face the consequences.” So, it’s not just about being willy-nilly with your flossing, unless you’ve thought it through and say, “hey…a root canal isn’t so bad after all” lol

      I’m so glad you (and others) like these notes 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Social media has its place—I want to keep connecting, learning, and sharing—but the telling thing for me is that I never miss it when I break. Never. (And I break A LOT). It’s as overstimulating and as demanding as TV, so I try to have a plan b4 I turn it on. LOL. Someone told me once about Twitter (when I was probably complaining about being overwhelmed and wanting to write it off altogether) to just jump in when I could and see what interests me. So, I poke my head up and swim towards that, play a bit and then get out and live in the 3D world.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. So agree…I almost didn’t go back this time. I didn’t miss it at all! And then when I went back, I was like, hmmm why am I here lol I totally agree about its over stimulation. I used to compare it to going to Wal-Mart (when I used to shop there). It’s like you get on for one thing and before you know it, several minutes…an hour has passed. I find Twitter to be much more useful, especially because it’s more filtered, so you don’t have to contend with your uncle who voted for the “wrong” candidate or whatever lol

      Liked by 1 person

  16. Kathy, your FB breaks sounds fabulous and very sensible. Tara and you seem to have the perfect time together, such fun. As you know I take a month blogging break every summer and it is wonderful to relax totally from the screen and come back refreshed, with new ideas brimming! ❤️

    Liked by 2 people

    1. It really was this time. And as far as Tarra and I go, I’m actually writing an in-depth post about it later because it was such a calm and peaceful day. Your blogging breaks look glorious! I suppose all of our brains need a chance to do something else every now and then 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  17. Yes! I finally put together my own home office (took ten years, but, hurrah!) and my first rule is no smart phones allowed. I have been going down that rabbit hole (Instagram, Pinterest, emails, news…two hours later…) too often lately, so this space is for me to read, write, and think in. Also, love the thoughts on boundaries and non-combustion “No”–I am putting these forward in my mind and life as I head in to fall and new ways of making a living and thinking. Thank you for putting your ideas out there.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. I can totally relate to that rabbit hole. No phones allowed in the home office, huh? That’s a good one and sounds like a great way to stay focused on why you’re in there. Kudos, by the way, for even having one in your home, no matter how long it took.

      Glad to see those words have helped you think differently about how you might relate to others. It’s challenging, but in the long run, for me and my time and energy…it works 😉

      Thanks also for your kind words ❤

      Like

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