Darlene from The Unhappy Wife book

unhappy-wifeDarlene, Darlene, Darlene…where do I begin with this story? First, I was happy to include this woman’s narrative because she was a preacher’s wife and I know that sometimes, we still place people like preachers and their families on pedestals. The reality is that preachers and their wives are people just like you and I. Part of my purpose was to show this through their experience.

Also, Darlene is another woman with whom I had a lengthy conversation. She told me about learning how to be a woman from Kain’s mother, fooling around with Kain’s brother, and ultimately marrying Kain. Similar to Miss Sharlene, I wasn’t sure if I needed to include all of these details, but ultimately I did to show her background and how she came to marry someone like Kain.

Concept: I didn’t know much about the Pentecostal church before writing this story, so Google was my best friend as I researched. The introduction where I describe Mother Williams showing Darlene how to be a woman in this type of church is the result. What I found out is Darlene’s experience is common. There is a lot of focus on women being mindful of how they represent themselves because, you know, men can’t control themselves if they see legs and cleavage. There is a lot of focus on women maintaining sexual purity and there are bible verses to support reasons why.

Quite honestly, I was in awe of these teachings. But I included them to show the reader how a woman could construct an idea about herself and what type of wife she’s supposed to be, no matter what.

The other aspect of this story I felt was important was Darlene’s gullibility. She admitted after going through this ordeal that she had no idea about what was cheap and what wasn’t. I fictionalized her examples for the book, but the way Kain dated her was similar. He had no money, but he passed it off as “frugal.” I’m not saying a man has to take you to an expensive restaurant; however, Kain’s financial traits transferred to the marriage and Darlene ended up assuming much of the costs.

The last part of this story that I wanted to drive home was how much we rely on other people to tell us what to do, even in a marriage. Darlene just wanted to be a faithful wife, who submitted to her husband, no matter what. Mother Williams encouraged her to do that. Her apostle friend encouraged her to continue by wearing a mask of happiness. Darlene honestly didn’t know what to do, unless someone gave her steps.

My commentary for this one is brief because I’m running out of words for my own count and also because the message is the same. Women have to learn to not only hear their inner voice, but also listen to it. Can you ask for advice from someone? Sure. But if your husband brings you an STD, works, but asks you for money every month, has sex with you four times a year, and doesn’t speak to you, unless it’s to save face in front of others, then you might want to consider that a sign.

unhappy-wifeWhat did you think about Darlene’s story? Did you catch my not-so subtle naming of her husband, Kain? What did you take from this story that I didn’t mention?

It’s never too late to order The Unhappy Wife and start reading because these blog posts will be up for a while. Next month I’ll provide a few insights about Crystal and how she chose to deal with her drug-addicted husband.

20 thoughts on “Darlene from The Unhappy Wife book

  1. I love the message of your book! Women do have to discover, and trust, their own inner voice. Letting others define us leads to nothing but trouble and anxiety. I may make mistakes (and boy, do I) but at least they are my own and not simply my attempts to follow someone else’s ideas about how I should be living my life.

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    1. Thanks Ann! That is certainly one of the messages. I just want us to love each other, without having to judge each and every move. Sheesh! Life is to be lived, no matter how right/wrong we thing we’re all doing it 😉

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  2. I feel it for her. Just goes to show that we should always listen to our gut/inner voice/intuition. It’s never wrong.

    I was raised Methodist but her story makes me wonder now, as then when I was in the church, about all ministers’ wives and what they hide behind their smiles and “perfect” image.

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    1. Oh, you know there are some masks being put up and taken off lol I know we do it and we’re not laypeople, so I can imagine if they haven’t been taught to be secure with who they are, then you best believe there are tons of masks.


  3. Catching up on reading my favorite writers’ post! #missyou You already know I don’t like messiness; it infuriates me. Darlene was naive to it all yet there is self-responsibility in our “don’t knows.” Common sense and self-value are key components in every relationship no matter the career or personal role. As women our strengths lie in how we view ourselves. If that view is damaged…well we continue to allow the damage.

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    1. awww…miss you too! Luckily I can stay updated with you on IG 😉 Self-responsibility is key in everything. I know you understand all too well because of your forthcoming profession. I totally agree with your statement “our strengths lie in how we view ourselves.” It can all go up/downhill from that perception of self-worth.

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  4. This makes me want to read your book again! The drama! The fact that little of it is fictionalized! Ah!

    I can’t believe it’s real.. but then I’m like, how do you do better if _____ is all you know? Clearly that’s all Kain’s mother (and crew) knew and was simply passing the torch. You just have to possess more self-awareness when embarking on any relationship you want to last. Otherwise, he/she/they will break you down like a new soldier in bootcamp so they can build you up to their liking.

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    1. lol – I know right? That’s the beauty…stranger than fiction smh I used to watch those Tyler Perry movies and think ‘these situations are sooooo fake’, until I started writing this book, now I watch all relationship movies, like yep…that could happen lol

      So, yes to your comment Kelley. But as I re-read it, I’m agreeing and thinking this: someone has to teach us self-awareness or at least how to BE self aware, right. Maybe that’s what we should invest our motherhood and friendships doing…saying, “Hey! Have you fine-tuned your connection with yourself today?” Because, yes ma’am…you’ll get broken down and groomed if you’re not in tune 😉

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      1. Ah! Yes. I love that! A good friend of mine vowed to never let men (continuously) ruin her life. And although she has, she recognizes it! That is half the battle. Or at least a fourth of it?

        Liked by 1 person

  5. This was definitely another perfect example that woman, indeed, need to listen to the alarm bells and don’t ignore the red flags. I remember Oprah regularly told us so and this story made me think of that.

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  6. I absolutely agree with that last statement you made. It should not always be about what should we as women keep bringing to the table (in terms of love, loyalty, and all), we should also keep in mind to hold the man account able for what he does bring to the table. Its a marriage not a one sided commitment

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