Pamela from The Unhappy Wife book

Pamela was the last wife that I’d interviewed. My plan was to have 13 women’s stories, but by the time I’d actually spoken to everyone and written each narrative, I was worn out. Twelve was enough.

unhappy-wifeWhile Pamela’s marriage includes similar tropes as the previous women, I was happy to include her story because it was about infidelity from a real woman’s point of view, something that isn’t always depicted or discussed in media. Additionally, Pamela had no remorse for committing the act, and that was a part of the adultery narrative that had to be told.

Concept: At first I was going to only focus Pamela’s story on her mother and how she influenced Pam to give up on college and get married. But as we continued our conversation, she not only revealed her adultery, but also told me it helped her as a person. I knew then her story had to be about more than simply her and her mom’s relationship.

Likewise, I wanted to provide a counter narrative to how society views affairs. There are three ideas about cheating that I’ve noticed: (1) it’s the worst thing that can happen in a marriage; (2) it is an irreparable break of trust; and (3) it’s something only men do. I thought Pamela’s story would shape a different conversation.

Let me be clear. I’m not trying to condone cheating. I’m just saying that it’s time to expand the narrative, especially as women take on different roles than they once did in the past.

Commentary: I believe Pamela felt bad about herself long before marriage. It began when her mother crushed her university dreams. And then, like a lot of women, post-pregnancy weight added to her insecurity. On top of that, she relied so much on Reggie’s degrees and income that his unemployment added another layer of disappointment.

By the time Kurt entered the picture, she all but invited the escape. This is how some affairs occur. They begin with an insecure woman being noticed and paid attention to by another man. In this case, Kurt uplifted her, something that her mother didn’t seem to do. Kurt also had the money to pamper her and he accepted her body the way it was at first. According to Pam, Kurt was a Godsend. Without him, she would still be living in despair.

Pam’s story showed my overall message with this book:

  • Know yourself.
  • Love yourself.
  • Be yourself.

Pamela didn’t know herself. If she did, then she would’ve been able to determine if going to college or getting married was a better path for her. She didn’t love herself. If she did, then she wouldn’t have ended up in Kurt’s bed, seeking love and attention through his admiration and wallet. She wasn’t being herself. She had assumed an identity, wife and mother.

What did you all think about her? Was she wrong for cheating with Kurt, even if it did lead self-discovery? What about overbearing mothers? Do you think parents should guide their children so much that they influence their life’s path?

unhappy-wifeOne more thing: My editor said this story was the best in terms of writing. I suspect it’s because it was traditional. It has a clear beginning, middle and end. The ending is nice a neat and tied with a bow. Readers tend to like that. What do you think?

If you haven’t ordered or read The Unhappy Wife yet, there’s still time! We have one more section to discuss, The Committed Wife. Next month we’ll start off with Darlene, mmmhmm, the preacher’s wife.

13 thoughts on “Pamela from The Unhappy Wife book

  1. I was going to say something about self discovery until I saw a previous comment above, and she said what I was thinking.
    Now, although Kurt helped her to discovered who she is, I hate that it took cheating to do it. If her mother would had allowed her to make her OWN decisions and not interfere, Pamela would have “found” herself early on- before ever getting married, or having to cheat with someone who defined her.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes ma’am. That was what I hoped shone through. It’s hard not to judge mothers; they do the best they can for sure, but that’s what I was thinking the whole time. Her mother tried to protect her from something (I wasn’t sure what) and in doing that created a dependent adult to the point that Pam couldn’t even decided if being with Kurt was right/wrong. Either way though, I’m glad she did find herself and is one of few from the book who is genuinely happily married now 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  2. It was eye opening that self discovery for Pamela was only through the eyes of how someone else saw her. Even when she finallly “met herself” it was KURT WHO DEFINED HER. Learn and know yourself and to thine own self be true!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Smiling…Doc., you know that I didn’t like Pam, at all. The more I widen my perspective and my thinking I came to the same conclusion as you: Pam didn’t know herself, didn’t love herself. Pam lost her identity…then again it seems she never developed one. I removed my dislike for her behavior and met her where she was….a different version of an unknown me. I love every female represented in your book and I am ever so proud of each one for telling their story. Be the caveat; it starts with us. Teach. Write. Know.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for being honest about how you felt. I’m glad you made peace with Pam lol because you’re right. Each of these women, not just Pam, have a little bit of one of us, whether we are aware or can acknowledge it or not, and that my friend is part of my point with this book. #Teach #Write #Know 😉


  4. Infidelity is subjective. Of course I don’t applaud it, but I get it. You can’t trust a person to be true to you if they can’t be true to themselves.. although this is difficult to discern when people play their role so well.

    I’m not a parent, but I do think parents should have a positive hand in guiding their (adult) children’s future. I mean don’t have a conference about it, but if they ask, as a parent, tell them honestly what you think of their choices. It’s important for me to make my mother proud, but I won’t compromise my happiness for it.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. So agreed Kelley. I think if we all started there “infidelity is subjective” then we might be able to have a grown-up discussion, not predicated on society’s definition. But at the same time, I do agree about trusting/not trusting someone who isn’t true to him/herself.

      As far as the parent thing, I think guidance yes…full-on running a child’s life, nope.

      Liked by 1 person

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