Monday’s Notes: Rethinking Marital Commitment: *Millennials’ Perspectives 

~ kegarland

I have a secret. If I’m working on an article, chapter, etc., then I think about it constantly, until I’m finished writing. This is why I try not to over-commit to projects. I know I have this obsessive quality and the best way to keep it under control is time management, which I’m pretty good at.

img_4290The other way I manage is with my Notes section. Whenever I have a thought about my current project, then I use voice-to-text or actually write down what I was thinking.

That’s what happened recently when I was invited to write an article about relationships. I chose to delve into why millennials seem to be marrying later or not at all.

I conducted an informal survey and thoughts kept emerging about the topic. One reason this happened is I was prone to judge this generation’s marital practices, until I actually read their responses and thought about it more.

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Every generation has its marriage pendulum based on non-conformity of the previous generation. Generation Y is no different. Some of us are just in a tizzy about it because it seems kind of anti. But is it really harming anyone? Who knows?

That’s how I ended up concluding this social commentary. I’m not sure what the impact will be, but I know that there will be one.

You can read Rethinking Marital Commitment in full here.

As usual, let me know what you think either on the KPB site or right here. Do you know any millennials? Do you care if they marry later, sooner, or at all? Do you think this will negatively effect society in some way?

*Special thanks to all my millennial friends who participated in the survey. Without you, this would’ve just been an opinion piece.

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63 thoughts on “Monday’s Notes: Rethinking Marital Commitment: *Millennials’ Perspectives ”

  2. Great read!! I was raised on love and marriage then as I got older I was told by an older cousin “Love don’t pay the bills” At first I just thought she was bitter because her marriage didn’t work out but not that I’ve been married and divorce I understand completely what she meant. I’m going into my 30’s single with the expectation of getting married one day but I definitely don’t see marriage as I once did.

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    1. Thanks so much! I still believe in love and marriage, but I’ve found that divorce tends to make people doubt those ideas (forever or for a while). I do wish the best for you as you continue to be in relationships ❤

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  3. Pingback: Monday’s Notes: Rethinking Marital Commitment: *Millennials’ Perspectives  — K E Garland – Suman Das Freelancer

  4. I just turned 33 so according to me I am Generation Y but some articles says I am millennial.. wtv is the correct one I am not interested to have children nor to get married… it might sound selfish but just think about me, my career, traveling, learning, doing good things for others when possible and maybe adopt a kid later on or not

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    1. Hi there! Thanks for stopping by, reading, adn commenting! I’ve found that those generational lines are oftentimes blurred. It sounds like you function more like a millennial, but perhaps are on the younger end of Y. Either way, if you’re doing what makes you happy, then I’d say it’s just fine 😉

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  6. My kids both got married before they were thirty, in their late twenties. But they also each lived with their future spouse before they got married, which is something that very few people did when I was that age. I guess things continue to evolve, but how it will play out is anyone’s guess!

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    1. I agree. It’s a cycle based on the previous generation, kind of like raising children. I am looking forward to what happens next. “Experts” have already predicted that Generation Z is seeking more of a traditional stance on marriage…getting married, having kids (in that order), etc. Should be interesting.

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  7. Very interesting article and topic, Kathy. I have mixed feelings about how marriage is evolving. I think couples in some way are missing out on the unique dynamic of having children while young (I mean in mid to late 20s) and growing up and older together. I think back to my parents and their siblings. They were early 20s when they married and had kids. My cousins and I had so much fun growing up with them. They had tons of energy and could be silly and playful. All are still married to the same spouse except my parents. Then by the time they were in their 40s the kids were grown and they had the rest of their lives free. They could actually retire at 60-something because they weren’t having to pay for their kids to go to college instead. They know their grandchildren. Kids, in my opinion, stay kids way too long, well Into their 20s. Why were my parents and aunts and uncles married, having kids, buying homes, etc. in their early 20s and today’s 20-somethings often live with parents? On the other hand, not everyone wants marriage in their 20s or at all. Careers seem to take precidence over relationships nowadays.

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    1. Kim, you raise so many great points here. I tend to agree about having children between your 20s-30s. I think there’s a purpose for that, whether it’s biologically or socially. I actually hadn’t thought about the grandchildren aspect of it, which I suppose might be a challenge, depending on how late you wait.

      The only thing I would say is that I’m not sure getting married early should be related to if and when people have children, even though that is something to consider. Hope that’s not confusing.

      That other challenge that Millennials seem to be sharing, “staying kids way too long” is a whole nother issue lol

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  8. I’m like that, too. I think about my writing project constantly, even after I’ve finalised it. It’s how my brain works. When no more errors or omissions come to mind at that stage, then I can release it.

    I don’t know many Jamaican Millenials, but from all the wedding features I’ve seen in our newspapers, a healthy number of couples in their mid-20s to 30s are getting married. Professional women tend to wait until they’ve achieved certain dreams like owning a home, getting a Masters or PhD, etc. Also, some non-religious couples in this age bracket are more open to cohabitation before marriage. However, cohabitation among Jamaican Baby Boomers in certain socio-economic circumstances is common.

    I’ve never given this topic much thought before but your post has sparked some interest. I’ve bookmarked your article to read when I get the chance.

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    1. Great to see I’m not the only one who functions like that! I’m seeing a similar trend here in the States, but it seems those “dreams” are attained a bit later, so sometimes they delay later. That might be an interesting factor in and of itself.

      Thanks for reading and commenting here. Looking forward to your comments after you’ve read the article too.

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  9. As an unmarried millennial who is quickly approaching 30, I am in no rush to get married even though I have already had a child. I only know a handful of married couples. My parents have been divorced since I was a small child. The only idea or vision of marriage I had growing up was what I saw on tv, which wasn’t always great. Now that I have a child, I have a greater appreciation for the freedom I had when I was childless and to think about adding a husband to the equation gives me mixed emotions. I like the idea of marriage, but at the same time, I still have so much opportunity to do what I want without needing to consult with anyone else. My best friend got married about two years ago and when she shares some things about her life with me I find myself rethinking relationships altogether. Unless someone comes along and completely sweeps me and my daughter off our feet, I’m good with being single.

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    1. Thanks so much for sharing your experience! I had to laugh a little bit LeTara, although I’m not sure if you intended for that last part about “rethinking relationships altogether” to be funny. It definitely is something you have to feel totally comfortable and be engaged with doing.

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      1. No, I didn’t intend for it to be funny, but I can see the humor in it. A lot of relationships that I have witnessed firsthand have been more like cautionary tales to me than anything else. My friend tries to assure me that it is rewarding, but in my mind I say, “Noooo way!”

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  11. When it comes to getting married, the sooner is definitely not the better unless of course one finds what feels like ‘the soulmate’. Being happy in each other’s company is the most important thing in marriage and the maturity that comes with age surely helps. Specially true for millennials who seem to be born with short fuses.

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    1. I totally agree about finding someone who seems like a soulmate or at the lest someone you’re happy to be in company with because without either of those, I don’t think you can maintain a loving relationship. I hadn’t noticed millennials’ short fuses…I’ll have to think about that one.

      Thanks for stopping by and reading and commenting 🙂

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  12. As always, indeed again an interesting topic and research. Maybe another reasons why Millennials don’t marry that ‘quickly’, because they’ve watched our generation and the one before and saw what a ‘hassle’ it can be to divorce? So, not only marriage is a ‘job’, but also to end it…Seeing to many troubled marriages and nasty divorces, might even also took away the romantic aspect of marriage?

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  14. Hi, Kathy. Very interesting that nearly everyone you interviewed said that getting married isnt important.
    My gut feeling is that the social fabric will be fine even if traditional marriage goes into decline. I suppose it will take another 10 or more years to see how it all plays out.

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    1. I thought so too. This actually made me think about why I married. It wasn’t for the reasons mentioned in this article. About ten years is right Neil. This particular generation will be close to 40, if not already there, so we’ll see if American society will crumble because no one’s married lol

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  15. Great article. It’s important to weigh the pros and cons of anything we plan to do, but in the realm of marriage, no column of “pros” is long enough if love each other isn’t on it. I’m fine with people waiting longer to get married or deciding not to, just like I’m OK with people choosing to have fewer or no kids. The planet is stressed enough with the millions of people already on it. Majority opinion seems to shape society, to determine what is acceptable and what is not. For instance, gay marriage is now legal and confers the same spousal rights in most states as heterosexual marriage. People have to decide for themselves what is right for them, and as long as it isn’t hurting anyone else, far be it from me to infringe on their choices or happiness. 🙂

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  17. Girl my son is 23 and he said he ain’t even thinking about getting married until after 30! His dad and I concur! LOL!!!!!
    But you know, it is very interesting to read about the perspectives of different generations.
    We can’t help but inquire as to how Gen X and Babyboomers influenced our dear Millenials beliefs, values and decisions.

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  18. I appreciate their thoughts on marriage even though I waited until I was 39 to get married but I chose to do that when i was ready. However back in my younger days that was told from childhood to adulthood “find you a good man to make your husband” like that was the mission in life for women, so admire then for standing their ground breaking the rules on what should be for women.

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    1. People explicitly advised that? I’m surprised because I always thought we picked it up implicitly. Either way, it’s great that you waited until you were ready and I agree that following what’s best for you, especially if it means breaking rules, is a good way to go 😉

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  19. This is a fascinating subject and I have no ideas about why it is. I’ve had the same observation. I have a niece who has been with you guy for over 10 years and they even bought a house together. Yet, there is no marriage talk on the horizon.
    I always love what you bring up, Kathy. Will look forward to reading more about it!

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    1. See what I mean? Not that there’s anything wrong with that mindset, but it’s just interesting that they’d not mentioned marriage as a future goal. Thanks Judy! My brain is always turning lol

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  20. Interesting concepts, Dr Kathy, especially the basic premise that attitudes towards marriage (and probably every other social construct as well!) are predicated upon the previous generation.
    Bears thinking,
    Dr Dolly

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    1. Yes. Yes. For me, that’s the most interesting part. The idea that we (consciously, unconsciously) choose the opposite of the previous generation for just about everything is an amazing phenomenon.

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  22. Great read! Interesting to read their responses.

    I’m 50 and I’ve never wanted to get married. Maybe I never met the right person, or maybe I just couldn’t fathom the idea of being with one person for 60 or so years. I feel like if I ever did get married it would be maybe at 70 or so. I figure promising to be with someone for 20 or so years is more doable than 60+ years lol.

    Also, I found this article very interesting as well.

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    1. lol being with the same person for 60 or so years does sound a bit overbearing lol You are too funny! Get married at 70 and then die soon LOL That’s a plan 😉 Thanks for the compliment!

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  24. Both my kids are mellianials, on the older end. I believe they both want to get married eventually (both are in committed living arrangements with their significants) but they seem to be in no rush. They both know that our generation has a 50/50 divorce rate and are aware of the costs both emotional and financial that divorce can bring to families. Love that you are asking the questions.

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    1. That’s exactly it Alexis! They’ve sometimes lived the effects, so I do think somewhere in their minds, they’re like, NOPE…we’ll wait lol Thanks for that end part. You know I’m always thinking 🙂

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  25. Marriage for me is so that my kids have a family. If we had decided not to have kids than I probably wouldn’t have gotten married. It’s expensive! But I do agree that there’s financial security once you’re married!

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  26. Nice one there! If marriage is just about children and financial security, one can argue then that why get married? I’m still struggling to understand the concept of soul mates though. Maybe you can help me shed more light on that.

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