Monday Notes: Agreement #2

A few weeks ago, a “friend” of mine read one of my FB posts, followed the comments, and then sent me this message via inbox:

You be so fake in your comments.

Or something like that. I can’t give a direct quote because after we conversed, I deleted the message. His unsolicited opinion bothered me that night. It stuck with me because of how I’d replied. Initially, I defended myself. I wanted to show him that I wasn’t being “fake.” It continued to irk me because I’ve worked so hard to be my authentic self no matter where I am, social media, in person, wherever. I’ve made conscious decisions to shine my personal light. Then, it bothered me because it bothered me. Have you ever felt like that?

It lingered in my thoughts for about 48 hours. By that time, I knew I had to remove him and his words from my consciousness. They were both taking up too much space in my mind. That Sunday night, I flipped through don Miguel Ruiz’s The Four Agreements, until I found the one that fit: Don’t take anything personally.

If I see you on the street and say, “You are so stupid” without knowing you, it’s not about you, it’s about me. If you take it personally, then perhaps you believe you’re stupid.”

img_3174After reading a few more pages, I meditated, sipped my lavender tea, and let go of the incident.

About a week later, one of the ladies from the book club I’m hoping to join reached out to me and said, “I like your spirit.” This comment elicited the opposite emotion. I was elated. Who doesn’t want to hear nice things said about her personality? And like I’d mentioned above, I’ve worked on portraying my true self. So, I was overjoyed that someone I’d just met noticed a positive trait.

But I had to remember agreement #2. It still applied. You see, Ruiz continues to explain that even if someone says something that you agree with, then there’s still no reason to take it personally. A person’s opinion, whether positive or negative, is based on how that person feels in that moment. Tomorrow, the same person might have something horrible to say.

don_miguel_ruiz.jpg

The first time I read this it didn’t quite click. After receiving two different opinions within a week of one another, it now makes perfect sense. Not only is taking other people’s opinions personally exhausting, it can also be an indication that you’re not secure with who you are. If I know that I’m an authentic person, with a great spirit, then others’ opinions should be neither denigrating, nor uplifting. They should just…be.

Let me know what you think. How do you deal with other people’s opinions of who you are? Do people offer opinions of your personality?

*Edited for Forgiving Fridays. Participate here: https://forgivingconnects.com/2017/05/05/todays-forgiving-fridays-i-have-a-question-3/comment-page-1/#comment-3373

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122 thoughts on “Monday Notes: Agreement #2

  1. I think you are an uplifting, generous and thoughtful woman. You are authentic and just a pretty sweet individual. Perhaps he was jealous of your positive attitude? Btw, have you read the desiderata?

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  2. Gosh, this hits the nail right on the head. I fell into the trap of trying so hard at work to get validation from people for what I was doing. The performance review culture means constantly having to ask colleagues for feedback to justify everything you’ve done since the last review. During the last round I realised how much mental & physical energy I was expending, running around practically begging colleagues to tell me how they thought I’d done my job and suggestions for how I could improve. It all just felt so fake! I prefer feedback to be given at the time as constructive criticism or genuine thanks for a job well done rather than forcing someone to think back over a long time re: their past interactions with me. Never again! I already feel a sense of relief knowing I’m not going to join in the whole, false debacle next time. They can like it or lump it. Either way, I don’t care….as long as I treat people with respect, that’s all that matters to me.

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    1. Thanks Letisha! Agreed. I especially agree with the last part. All we can do is be as positive as we can and if we know that’s what we’re doing, then everybody can keep the rest of their criticism.

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  3. They should just…be. Opinions!
    This is so true yet can manage to bring up so much polarity within us. Like a switch turned on and off about how we feel. I loved this post and take it as a great reminder to me.

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    1. Right! It’s like a switch turned on and off (within ourselves) about how we already feel in the first place. A lot of times we get mad because we wonder how the person knew we felt the same way lol Thanks for reading and commenting 🙂

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  4. This post reminds me of a line I just read this weekend at the study I am currently following: “Love says: ‘it is what it is’ “. Like you wrote ‘They should just…be.”
    However, it is quite a challenge to get not affected by others. Maybe it is about others projections, maybe it is about me sincerely interesting in others opinions to learn from. Or because what they say has a bit truth in it and I am not ready to admit it?
    I’ve got a comment once: ‘Are you for real?’, because the person couldn’t believe I kept coming back to his blog and writing supportive comments and made an effort to truly connect in this virtual world. Of course, I first doubted myself…”Am I ‘over the top’, pushing to much with my message to be kind to our neighbors, etc. ? “.
    As long as I can look in the mirror and look myself in the eye, knowing I am sincere and honest…well, people who don’t like me, I believe that’s their loss.
    So…rambling on again, but have to add: people who doubt you, or don’t like you, dear Katherin, their loss!
    XxX

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  5. For what it’s worth, I think that appreciating uplifting connections is vital…so, if someone recognizes/celebrates the qualities I’m focusing on strengthening, I value the acknowledgement and count it as support…after all, we are relational beings: no (wo)man is an island…however, if said person were to bash me at a later time, I wouldn’t count that person among those I hold close. Thanks for sharing this thought-provoking post…so well-written and communicated…it reflects your authenticity and generosity of spirit 🙂

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    1. All opinions are appreciated here 🙂 With that said, I agree that uplifting connections are important. It’s just that we might not want to hold them in so much esteem, as if we’re living for them (or dying without them). Agreed about someone bashing me. A lot of times I like to stop and consider the context and also how much this happens.

      Thanks for your kind words at the end ❤

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      1. I get your point about not being emotionally-dependent on external validation…balancing autonomy and support can be a challenging proposition depending on who is in your life….and, you’re welcome 🙂

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  6. Sigh……Darlin, you’re a star! Here I am scrollin’, scrollin’, scrollin’ to get down here at the bottom to comment Ha! Listen, from reading your blog, your book, to conversing with you, I can’t see anything but truth, honesty and just as real as they get. So, I’m happy you have so much wisdom and know that you shouldn’t let it bother you one bit. I certainly need to read “The Four Agreements” for sure. Sometimes I wish I could just put you in my pocket to have in case I need you throughout the day to pump me up and cheer me on. Your positive energy is always refreshing Kathy!

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    1. Girrlll, and you see it took me TWO days to respond lol Thanks for sticking by me through this blogging journey 😉 Thanks for those words too Lennon! You know I am like the walking truth lol, so I appreciate you noticing. You might like it. The reason I like it is because it’s not written like some philosophy book where you’re looking up words every other minute. I’ve read it twice now.

      Thanks again luv ❤ and I am in your pocket! Right there on all your screens 😉

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  7. Depending on what others think of you is a foundation built on sand. There is some value in listening to your friends, those who know you best, but even then their motivation for anything from constructive criticism to strong praise might be tied to something closer to their heart than your well-being.

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    1. I so agree Belinda. I find that people’s opinions are typically built on their own experience, which (a lot of times) is also built on fear of something, so it seems best to take all of it with a grain of salt.

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  8. Kathy, you are so enlightened. I am envious. I have three ways of responding when people personally attack me. 1. I tell them they are a jerk, right away, and ask them to stop being rude; 2. I hold their words in my heart forever, which makes me sad and makes me dislike the speaker in an endless grudge; 3. I do a quick evaluation of their statement, then either dismiss what they say or make an adjustment because I have a good enough relationship with them and am personally strong enough at that time to be a grown up.

    #3 interactions are over and done with. #2 situations eat at my soul for years, and I’ve yet to learn how to let them go. #1 situations are the weirdest, especially if the rebuttal is given to someone who is always a jerk, or who is “just being funny.” For me, I point out that they are a jerk and then I move on, but the backlash from #1 can be brutal. I have at least 3 people in my life who hate me because I called them out for being rude. Is this a case of two wrongs don’t make a right? Is it better to let the jerk keep being a jerk to you and others? I like to put up boundaries and say, “Hey, I don’t accept this kind of behavior.” Sometimes that makes things stop, but other times, wow…. What do make of that wise Kathy, asks the grasshopper.

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    1. lol – like I told Neil, either ^^^ or below, my first response was “Who the eff does he think he is?” And then I talk Dwight’s ear off about it, and theeen I go drink some tea and meditate.

      Really and truly, I used to do all those three things too Johanna! But then I got tired of it eating away at me, and also I’ve learned over the years that people don’t really care what you think about what they just said or did, so I’ve stopped telling them. If someone wants to be a jerk, they’re gonna have to do it over there…without me…family or friend. I just can’t take it. Plus, I’ve also learned that most so-called jerks already know they’re being jerky, you know? They don’t need me to validate it.

      I haven’t really had to set any boundaries lately because my method is to just let people do what they want and adjust how I function with them. But then again, I’m the person who doesn’t have a problem saying, “Hey, yeah. I won’t be attending that annual family thing this year.” So it kind of works for me.

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      1. I also am tired of it eating away at me, but I think the things that stay with me are the ones that have a grain of truth that I need to accept. Yes. I am selfish. It sucks to say that, but I value my wants and needs and ESPECIALLY my nuclear family’s wants and needs over other peoples wants and needs. That is selfish, and I need to get to grips that I’m okay with that aspect of my personality. But sheesh. Selfish. What a harsh word, and it was delivered deliberately at a time when I was at my most vulnerable so it’s hard to accept and get over. Man, I hate that word. I need some tea and meditation now please.

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    2. One more thing…I stopped telling people how I felt about what they said because I realized the reason I was telling them is because I wanted them to change. The truth (now) is that I don’t want anyone to change. They can be their same “jerky” self because really I can only change me, if I choose to.

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      1. My biggest battle here came when a coach was making the 6 year old girls on his soccer team cry, and I asked him to “please tone it down.” My kid wasn’t crying but his kid was and so were three others. That kind of bullying I won’t just let pass. When it borders on abuse I won’t turn the other cheek, but whoa, that end game is not fun.

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  9. Yes, yes and yes. We’re human. Of course, people’s opinions, positive or negative, can affect you. I remember being called and described as the ‘B word’ from one coworker to other coworkers. When one coworker told me, I smiled. “I’m going to take that as a compliment!”, I said to them. Why? Because my name is in their mouth, which means I must be doing something right!!!! 😂😂😂😂😂 Think about that way next time. 😉😉😉

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    1. In a way I thought about it this way Cherie because I wondered what he must be doing all day that he had time to not only stop and analyze my social media interactions, but also send a dang message smh

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      1. Be like Elsa in Frozen and 🎵 Let it go, let it gooooo! Lol Now he’s in your head and that’s exactly what he’s trying to do. It’s not important to figure out. It really isn’t.

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  10. Probably, but I don’t care. The quote is true though. Once we accept that it is that person’s perception on you and that their perception shapes their reality we are less likely to believe their BS. I honestly could care less what someone thinks about me. I’m so you can kick rocks and pay some bills if you think that your opinions matter. But, I’m a little different.

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  11. Great post! I tend to let people’s opinions about me get to me and would stay awake most of the night worrying or upset. Though I am working on that. Also, when someone tell me I don’t do what people say, I will pondered on it. But, most of the time they want to be bossy or controlling. Thanks for sharing, K. 😊

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    1. Pam, I’ve found the exact same thing. When people don’t like that you do what you want to do, it’s because they want you to do what THEY want you to do lol You’re welcome and thanks for the kind words!

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  12. He “be” having issues if all he has to do is concern himself with your social media comments. Time taken to be ugly in someone’s inbox suggests “issues.” You did the right thing by getting him and his comments out of your space. The human in us makes us pause at people’s ugliness. The brain in us helps us to restart and discard that garbage.

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    1. I was thinking the same thing Tyran. Like how much time do you have on your hands that you can sit and analyze it??? I like what you said at the end because we’re all human but we can all make a different choice when it comes to letting other people’s BS infiltrate our space 😉

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  13. I like to pretend comments like your Facebook “friend’s” don’t bother me but they do. We’re human. The issue isn’t whether we are upset by them but do we continue to dwell on it. (This is where the “brain dump” we chatted about might help.) 🙂 You’re also right that even when someone says something nice or positive it may be healthy to take that with a grain of salt. My elders used to say, “out of the same mouth comes cursing and blessings.” We have no control over what others say about us or how they feel but we have full and total control over ourselves and how we respond. There is power in that. We also sometimes have to stop taking ourselves (and life) so seriously and be a little more light-hearted. I know I do! 🙂

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    1. Right. It’s the dwelling that’s the issue. I wished I would’ve read about the brain dumping process before this happened, but it worked out just the same. Thanks for stopping by Kecia!

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  14. If you dwell too much on what others say about you, good or bad, your life will be one hellish rollercoaster. But before you can be comfortable with your authentic self, you have to take the time to get to know that self. If you don’t really know what you think or believe in, you’ll be buoyed or crushed by every compliment or complaint you get. 🙂

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  15. The one thing that comes to me is when i hear a comment about me personally I see that person pointing out something in themselves that they may have a need to deal with. We see issues in others before we come to see them in ourselves.

    I read the four agreements years ago, it’s magical. I love how he says that even when being complimented one should not get overly excited, we need the middle way. After I was diagnosed with Parkinson’s, I learned that stress was my biggest enimy and to my surprise, I discovered there is stress in acting to happy or excited as well as stress in being afraid and other negative actions.

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    1. Yes, this is true for me too. I used to think that was the craziest statement, but now I see it very clearly. It’s helped me in reverse as well. So, when I start to have a judgment about someone else, I ask myself, “How am I being (fill-in-the-blank)?”

      So true about what you say in the end. I’ve had to learn that it’s too much being angry one day because someone didn’t like you or what you had to say and then excited the next because some other person did. Best to just function from the middle 😉

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  16. You’ve got to stay positive, if it lingered negatively in your mind than you did the best thing. We appreciate the follow at Gastradamus and all of the likes. Your feedback​ would be incredibly awesome. If you comment on our shorts like infant rice, than I will be more than happy to promote your blog. Your beautiful both in appearance and the way you write. Would be an honor

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  17. This is actually so true and I find myself doing this on both sides..I never really thought of it this way though, which is ironic because I try to be someone who really doesn’t let people’s opinions of me define who I am, yet I think people do this so much without even realizing it. We are so passionate about who we are, that we get upset when people try to criticize us, and we are excited when someone recognizes our positive attributes as well. In reality, I know who I am and that’s really all that matters. What one person feels doesn’t really add or take away from that at the end of the day. I will definitely have to keep this in mind when someone gives me a compliment, or when someone tries to give me a negative comment as well! Great post!! 🙂

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    1. Whit C!!! How have you been? What you say here is so poignant: “We are so passionate about who we are…” that’s the truth. And so we end up sulking or defending who we are, instead of just letting someone else’s words pass. Thanks for stopping by, reading, and commenting and thanks for the compliment.

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  18. At the end of the day, it’s his issue not yours. It simply is a reflection of himself. If you get what I mean. It shouldn’t bother you…let it go. If it does bother you, then you will have to look within and ask yourself why. Glad you decided to let it go. 🙂

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    1. That’s exactly what is taught in the book, too. It has absolutely nothing to do with me, and if it does it’s because I must’ve already thought whatever was said. Thanks for stopping by today! I’m learning each day how to be comfy with me ❤

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  19. That’s where I want to reach, to be — a place of true peace where I’m not shaken or swayed by what others think and say about me.

    I really appreciate the insight in this post, as well as your openness, Katharin. Thanks for showing me the areas of my life that need more work.

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  20. Great commentary here. There’s a rolling joke between my husband and daughter that I think I’m perfect because I always defend myself when they criticize something I’ve said or done. Honestly, I do take issue with people pointing out what they consider negative about me. My thought is “What is your point?” No one is perfect and if I’m not pointing out your flaws, I’m like why are you pointing out what you consider to be mine??? And like you said, a person’s opinion may be one thing today and another tomorrow. So we have to allow people to feel how they feel and not take it personally although that is easier said that done.

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    1. Thank LaCharmine! That’s also part of what I always feel. Why in the world are you offering up YOUR opinion of who I am? How does this impact your life? Ugh! Thanks for understanding girl!

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  21. I’m happy that I read this post today. For the past two months I’ve been struggling with something that my oldest sister said about me. She said that I was too blunt & straight to the point about myself and my opinions. She doesn’t like it at all. She’s my oldest sister, so I did take it personal. After reading this I’m starting to think that even when it comes to family members that I shouldn’t take what they say on a personal level.

    I’m going to check to see if Ruiz’s book is on available IBooks

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    1. I’m glad this helped Wanda. Family can be especially brutal because for some reason they feel as if they have a right to offer unsolicited advice and opinions. Let me know when you get the book. It’s a pretty easy, but powerful read.

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    2. I agree with Kathy that this is doubly difficult when it’s a family member, or in my case, an in-law. When someone you want to like you – need to like you – says something critical it is difficult. You can’t just unfriend them. You can’t block them from your twitter account. You still have to sit down with them at family dinners and decide, do I just let it go, do I confront them, or do I endlessly chew on their words for years to come. I do the last, least healthy option. My you find a better path, Wanda.

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  22. Kathy, this is EXCELLENT! Thank you for sharing it. To me, you speak such wisdom. Both the “good” and the “bad” feedback are equally unimportant. All of our expression is love, and not taking any of it personally is a key to knowing this. Lord knows I’m still learning it.

    This post to me speaks of neutrality. There’s a gift in this state of awareness – it’s like a relaxing into the loving, or at least allowing the space for that. I’d LOVE for you to share this post for Forgiving Fridays, if you are moved to do so. The only things you need to do are to include a pingback to my most recent ForgivingFridays post & have #ForgivingFridays in your hashtags. Then I’ll share it with the other contributions next week! Anyway, up to you.

    Here’s the link to the latest FF post if helpful: https://forgivingconnects.com/2017/04/28/todays-forgiving-fridays-really-really-showing-up-to-love-me/

    Blessings, Kathy, ❤
    Debbie

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      1. Got your contribution, Kathy! So honored that you shared this post for Forgiving Fridays. Will highlight it in next week’s post. Neutrality is a great key. Thank you, thank you. Blessings, Debbie 🙂

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    1. Neil, Neil, Neil, I’m glad you think I’m grounded lol Before I get to this point, I’m like who the eff does he think he is??? And then I talk my hubby’s ear off about it, THEN I drink some tea and meditate lol Seriously though, I agree that being 100% comfy in your own skin definitely leads to inner peace my friend 🙂

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  23. The only people who don’t care what others think about them are psychopaths. Of course people want others to think well of them – it’s natural. If someone says something which makes you feel less than perfect, of course it’s going to bother you whether it’s true or not. I can’t think of anyone with a conscience who doesn’t feel mental anguish or is disturbed by unpleasant comments and especially ones made by a ‘friend’. I think you did the right thing to try to remove him and his words from your consciousness and I certainly don’t believe that if you are affected by such comments that you are not secure within yourself – in fact I think it’s the opposite. It shows that you have a heart and a conscience and that you are human. The important thing is not to be broken by such things, take them in your stride and choose whether or not you need to have anything more to do with the source.

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    1. Ha! That’s a bit harsh Marie. I literally laughed out loud when I read that first sentence lol I do agree that we all want people to like us and think we’re pleasant. I do think that if we allow each and every comment affect us, though, then we might want to stop and take a look at why that is. Totally agree about considering the source and how much you want to be involved or not involved with that person 😉

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      1. Yes it was a bit ‘tongue in cheek’ Kathy! lol Seriously though, as you say, we cannot allow each and every comment to impact us to the point where we are continually upset. With maturity, and developing a ‘thick skin’ in some cases, we can look at each case and see how we learn from the situation and if we need to allow ourselves to learn and grow. Every case is different, I think – there is no ‘one size fits all’ for cases like this, so it is ultimately up to the individual to do what’s best for them at the time. And yes, I agree that sometimes we need to look at ‘why’ we are upset. That can often be the key to understanding ourselves better.:)
        ps. Now I’m going to go away and mull/ponder over you saying that I was ‘a bit harsh’. hahahahaha

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  24. Interesting post, Kathy. Accepting myself with the good and bad came with time. Some people, for whatever reason, like to put others down. In the interest of expanding my self-knowledge, I consider the comment, accept or reject it, and then move on. Hey, people see traits in us that we may never be aware of. My sons are masters at that 🙂

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    1. Yeah, I used to be the person who was like, you think I’m what??? And then get into a big argument about it, but no longer. It takes a minute, but you cannot internalize other people’s words because it is pretty draining, well for me anyway.

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  25. Wow! It is one of my pet peeves that people feel so free to say things like this on social media.
    Comments like this do bother me. Those are hard to shake off because they are couched behind the security of anonymity. But that happens in life, and we learn to roll with it.
    Im a believer in the concept right speech. Just because you think it, it doesn’t mean you have to speak it to someone and not think about how your words may land.
    It took me a few times to resonate with the book The Four Agreements. Love the concepts.
    Great post today K E 😊
    Just by being our truthful selves, being present and showing up

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    1. Hmmm…I Googled right speech and read a little bit. It’s a Buddhist concept? I’ll have to look more into it. I absolutely loved the Four Agreements because it’s written in such plain speech. Thanks for the comment Alexis! I’m definitely going to review right speech.

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  26. A friend once suggested I consider the source, when worrying about comments directed at me. That’s what I literally do now, I deeply consider people. Where are my Facebook friends truly at in life? Regardless of the showy pics and smiles, are they happy? Unhappy folks tend to want company; plan to be busy. Pretend posts didn’t posts and delete. People change with you as you learn and grow; just as they do with the exceptionally successful. Haters gotta hate, as our new youth states. If friends can’t call to speak with you, connect and show true love; they’ve lost their true purpose. Friends are supposed to be true to you. Other people become used to and comfy with what they like to see when seeing you. Maybe that buddy was blinded by your light, because he/she was unprepared for it. So what? You can’t live your miraculous life, waiting for others to be ready for it.

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    1. Liz, what you say here is so true. I found myself asking (myself) what might be going on with him if he has time to assess not only my posts, but also my comments?
      “Other people become used to and comfy with what they like to see when seeing you” – for sure!

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  27. I think it is only human nature to want to be liked. But sometimes you discover that some people are intent on being miserable/judgmental/hateful excuses for human beings.

    There’s a quote that goes something like, “Strong people don’t put others down…they lift them up.” People who lack confidence in themselves and their abilities are usually the ones who are quickest to find and point out “flaws” in everybody else. And sometimes, you just have to consider the source and remind yourself that opinions like that aren’t worth sacrificing so much as a single moment of your happiness.

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    1. Thanks girl! I totally agree with everything here. I guess part of what you’ve said here about opinions not being worth sacrificing a single moment of happiness is exactly where I was headed. I’d spent waaaay too much time thinking about it, and in a way that did rob me of a little joy, even if for those few moments.

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  28. How scandalous! That was my first reaction to your “friend’s” comment. But then, I quickly remembered that other people don’t always see us as we see ourselves, and vice versa. By this I mean, we see what we want to see, hear what we want to hear, and the needless suffering ensues. It’s easy to say other people’s opinions don’t bother me much but they still sting, nonetheless, more so from people who should know me better. Great and thought-provoking post, Kathy!

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    1. Scandalous indeed Khaya! My little feelings were really hurt, like huh? How dare he? But I think you’re right about seeing what we want to see, etc. That’s precisely why (I think) we have to learn to not spend too much time on it. Thanks for the kind words 😉

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  29. Hey Dr. Garland! It has been a while. Took a long hiatus so I could fall back in love with writing again. I always like reading your work and deem in necessary to explain ☺. I thinm THAT answers one of your questions about how I feel about people’s opinions, right?

    My least favorite phrase EVER is when people say “I dont care”. Not only does this epitomize whiteness, masculinity, and a capitalist ethic that destroys everyone and everything in its path … but I think its pure bullshit. I DO care what people think about me. There is wisdom to the fact that our face escapes us, but can be seen by everyone EXCEPT us .. or by looking into a mirror/ reflective surface (which functions as an Other). That stated, we “are” what people believe we “are”. We are not simply that, but we also ARE that. There is an old saying: “if one person calls you a donkey, ignore it. If two people call you a donkey, buy a saddle”.

    We do not live for ourselves so I am not interested in how I think of me. I am interested in your opinion of me, and I will dwell on it, try to manage it, etc because I care – to the point where others might say I am acting “fake” because I just want to be loved. We all want to be loved (I hope) … but we try to act nonchalant about it and play games. I wish people were more forthcoming and simply said: I CARE. I am down for you. But our culture itself is so lame and fake that when a person is being real they get called out for being fake.

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    1. Darryl, how you gone take five THOUSAND days off, come back, and write a five THOUSAND word response??? Kidding my friend…I was wondering what was taking you so long?

      I understand exactly what you’re saying here, but I still think sometimes, especially in today’s culture, we put too much value into what other people have to say. I honestly believe that if I know who I am, which for the most part I do, then how can anything you say sway who I believe I am?

      On the other hand, I get this part, “If two people call you a donkey, buy a saddle!” Love it! I had a friend that used to say, “We can’t all be telling the same lie” lol I supposed it’s the same sentiment. We’re all a reflection of one another and for one another, if we choose to see it.

      Don’t hold your breath waiting for people to be forthcoming :-/

      Liked by 1 person

  30. I have been there when opinions just.. bother me. But when I read what this guy said about you? I just laughed! Like, out loud. Because even though we never met, there is no way I could follow your blog or interact with someone I feel is not genuine with sharing her personal thoughts and truths. That is just.. silly! I just hope to get to a place where I can laugh at loud when people share their unwanted opinions of me.

    Liked by 1 person

  31. Thank you, great post and insight. I know what you mean about feeling bothered that something bothered you. I literally have fights with myself in my head asking why I’m letting something get to me. I’m still working on ways to improve this and stay more positive, but I’m surly getting better at it

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ugh! I hate it when I get mad for being mad lol I’ve recently started asking this question: Where is the joy in this moment? It’s been pretty helpful to re-focus my attention and energy.

      Like

  32. How do you deal with other people’s opinions of who you are?

    I listen to what they have to say. I won’t get upset.

    Do people offer opinions of your personality?

    Yes people offer opinions of my personality. The opinions be good and bad. I really don’t care.

    Liked by 2 people

  33. I love reading today’s notes. I tend to get on the defensive side when someone says something which I don’t agree with. I’m only now (for about 2 years nw) trying to work on that aspect of myself, after realising that I can’t change how people feel about me, I can only work on myself. It’s not been easy, I still take things personally, although not all the time now.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thanks Ameena! Defensive is exactly what it is. That’s how I felt, as if I had to PROVE that what he said wasn’t true. I’m glad you said that, “you can’t change how people feel about you.” Right. Only person we can ever change, no matter what, is ourselves.

      Liked by 1 person

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