Lesa from The Unhappy Wife book

unhappy-wifeI revealed that I had a story in this book during the pre-release stage. I’ve also written 3 Ways to Avoid being an Unhappy Wife, where I describe my struggles with marriage. I wrote my own story somewhere in between the third and fourth wife’s interview. It didn’t seem authentic of me to ask women to trust me to re-tell a story about their lives if I wasn’t going to do the same. The difference was that I wasn’t trying to hide many details. What you read is pretty much how things happened.

I knew I was a detached wife way before I created the section. Some of this blog’s content has shown how I became a detached human being. Adoption, my adopted mother’s death, and my adopted father giving up parental rights all shaped me to be the type of wife I was to Dwight.

When the slightest things changed in our relationship, I detached. Sometimes that leaves an opening for infidelity.

Concept and Commentary: Before I found myself in this situation, I thought emotional affairs were the most ludicrous thing I’d heard of. I remember watching an episode of In the Bedroom with Dr. Laura Berman, where the husband was confiding a lot in a female co-worker. It seemed so silly and harmless to me, until I found myself in a similar situation.

What I wanted to show in my firsthand account was how quick and easy it is to slip into a barrage of texts or instant messages that mirror infidelity, especially nowadays. The advent of Smartphones, tablets and apps have made it easier than ever to create communication outside of your marriage to fulfill whatever needs your spouse won’t. It produces an even deeper illusion than a “traditional” affair because there is usually little physical contact. You can portray whoever you want to the person on the other side of the screen.

The other concept I wanted to show is the idea of consciousness. On page 42, I wrote, “What was happening? Why was this happening? How did I allow this to happen?” Of course when I re-tell the story, it’s obvious how it happened. I was attracted to the guy and then used our text messages as an escape. Duh. But at the time, I was really baffled.

That’s when I learned this: Things don’t just happen to us. We are constantly co-creating, whether we believe it, or not. This situation pushed me to pay more attention to the life I wanted to create and the person I wanted to be. I had to be attentive to not only the energy I was putting out, but also the words and actions associated with that energy. I became more mindful about who I wanted to be so that everything was aligned.

unhappy-wifeWelp, that’s where I was going with Lesa. Let me know what came to mind when you read this story. Next month, we’ll continue with another type of detached wife, Sofia.

Still haven’t ordered and read your copy? Don’t worry, we’re only halfway through the conversation. Order here.

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42 thoughts on “Lesa from The Unhappy Wife book

  1. okay so I am behind on my blog reading😬…but I went back to the notes I took while reading The Unhappy Wife and this is what I wrote for Lesa: “emotionally honest with herself; getting to know someone without really experiencing life together is always easier than making a 16 year marriage exciting, again. I felt the attraction to Jason’s looks and energy/I was attracted to him, too!”

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Why hello there! I’ve been caught up in life. My internet provider raised their fee and I wasn’t having it, so I cut the internet off. It’s been hard for me to keep up as I would like.
        I’m going to definitely give my 2 cents after I read the book. I hope all is well?

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much! I didn’t realize you’d purchased it, but I appreciate the support. Also, thanks for the compliment. I hope you’ll come back and discuss the rest of the chapters. I blog about each woman the second Friday of every month.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I am going thro a personal turmoil in life and i do keep looking for resources on relationships, cheating, infidelity and that was how i came across this book. Very simple,honest and thought provoking. I’ll do join your discussion. Love and hugs.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I think that Lesa is the face of many married women. When routine sets into a marriage it becomes easy to be distracted by something new. (Especially if its tall, chocolate, and beautiful…) But, I was happy to see that Lesa didn’t cave in to temptation. The distraction is always shinny like new money, but it’s never worth the betrayal.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for saying this! I know the truth of your statement because I also have friends…and family members, but it amazes me how much we continue to stereotype adultery as if it’s a male “problem.” Thanks for saying that too…it was tough for Lesa lol

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Wait, wait. It’s late here, but am I understanding that Lesa’s story is your story? I had to go and reread it. It is not unfamiliar. We women today have so many opportunities to meet with men outside our marriages and the pain of feeling ignored can be easily calmed by the attention of another. It’s much easier to have a new conversation than to fix an old conversation. It’s so much easier to try with someone new than the same old guy. The story rings with honesty and pain. You are a brave soul for sharing and bravo for doing the hard work to stay true to your marriage.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Yep. lol I agree with everything you say here, especially how much easier it is to begin anew, rather than face the “old” and figure out what’s wrong. Thanks for calling me “brave”! I appreciate it.

      Liked by 2 people

    2. On reading your comment afthead, it brought back a memory of how I too looked elsewhere. It had not registered when I first read Kathy’s post and so had been blown away by her honesty but not linked myself to it in any other way. It was many years ago and I had completely ‘forgotten’ about it, the memory only nudged by ‘fixing an old conversation …’ So, I heartily agree with you when you say Kathy was a brave soul for sharing – but not only that, it showed her vulnerability and her willingness to bring to the light something so intimate and personal in the hope of helping others see that we are not alone. It’s so easy to be judgemental these days that we often keep hidden parts of us that we fear may be judged in a bad light. I think Kathy realised this, but took the brave step to speak about something that I’m sure many of us have experienced.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Thanks for sharing that Marie and also for recognizing my purpose with this (and anything) I share. The only reason I choose to share what some consider “my business” is because I know somewhere, someone is beating herself up about a “mistake,” and hopefully this will shed light on a new thought for self-reflection ❤ And yes, I believe the road to less shame is more honesty. Thanks again Marie for understanding this.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. You are welcome Kathy. Sometimes it takes a few prompts before you realise that you have experienced something that you didn’t realise that you had mmm…. making sense here??:)
        And yes it is as important to forgive ourselves as it is to forgive others.❤

        Liked by 1 person

  4. This is a very powerful story. Thank you, Kathy. Thiese lines are so full of wisdom: That’s when I learned this: Things don’t just happen to us. We are constantly co-creating, whether we believe it, or not.

    Many blessings to you and to all the women who contributed. ~Debbie ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Been a while since I read it, but I remember thinking that mr renaissance man seemed wonderful only because he wasn’t a part of Lesa’s day to day- he had his place in fantasy and remained perfect. I felt sad for the hisband who seemed like a real sweetie, but I also empathised withLesa’s inhappiness and search for something to fill the void. I love your honesty Kathy x

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Yes, yes and I think you and I discussed his at length before. Writing this was difficult because I wanted to stay true to the story and not place blame on dear old D, while simultaneously showing how this can happen when you just feel alone. Thanks Mek!

      Liked by 2 people

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