Behind the Kwote: Be You

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My sister-in-law and I have different personalities. Our one commonality is being married into the same family. The last phone conversation we had stemmed from a final attempt at building a long-distance relationship, so that family events wouldn’t feel like two strangers meeting for the first time. This is how it went.

SIL:     Kathy, you’ve always been rude and mean to me.

Me:      Really? How was I rude and mean to you the last time we saw each other?

SIL:     You didn’t say anything to me and you didn’t want to listen to my advice about Kesi’s hair.

Me:      You’re right. I didn’t say anything because whenever I do, then you call me rude and mean and when I don’t say anything, you still call me rude and mean. But, it’s funny cause you always tell me to be myself.

SIL:     <sigh> Well, I’m not going to tolerate rude behavior.

And she shouldn’t. But after lots of overthinking, it seemed that my SIL wanted me to be myself in ways that pleased her. The 2011 visit we’d discussed is when I tried something different and said very little. I thought it would keep conversations peaceful.

However, it backfired because in essence, for me to speak few words is not me…at…all.

Our phone conversation revealed how I’d stopped being myself to appease her for no reason. Her perception of me remained. From that day forward, I’ve learned to be myself, regardless of others’ positive or negative opinions.

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39 thoughts on “Behind the Kwote: Be You

  1. I love this post. I don’t know why I didn’t read it in my feed earlier. However, found it on Posts of Note by Kinder Way and it is amazing. I would really love to share it 🙂 In this scenario, I am totally you!!! Some people think that my strong personality comes across as rude, so to those people I usually don’t talk to them very much, but then I am still rude!! OH Well, I am who I am am. Take it or Leave it!

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    1. Girl, WordPress needs to update how they present the feed lol Anywho, glad you read and loved it! I absolutely agree (of course). BE YOU! Some people literally have said, “I appreciate your honesty,” while others think I’m rude. At some point, I figured I couldn’t even concern myself with it at all. So glad you stopped by 😉

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  2. Totally agree…Although it is sometimes still hard to stay true to being me..that little voice of insecurity will pop up once in a while ‘I’m I to harsh, am I crazy, am I insensitive ?’ Learning to ignore that and trust my instinct 😉

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      1. I like to think it happens to people who are not egocentrically enough to only think of their own needs…But I learned, sometimes it is ok to put yourself first..so yes, it is possible 🙂

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  3. I’m an East Coast girl who married into a very Southern family. While this shouldn’t matter and doesn’t with most of the family, it does matter to some. They would prefer a ‘good southern girl’ and
    factually speaking, I can’t be that. I think I’m sweet, kind and compassionate, but I refuse to try to prove that point to anyone anymore. The quicker we accept that not everyone is going to like the real us…the better off we all will be. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Regional preference/bias is very interesting to me. I like what you’ve said here, “The quicker we accept that not everyone is going to like the real us…the better off we all will be.” It seems like such simple concept, but I guess it’s not always because deep down many of us hope that EVERYONE will like the real us lol Thanks for stopping by, reading and commenting!

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  4. Did you just tell the truth? Yes ma’am you did! 🙂
    As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned that I am not everybody’s cup of tea; nor are they mine. In cases where I have to come in contact folks like that I offer a quick pleasantry and keep it moving.

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  5. If you be yourself, some gonna love ya, some gonna hate ya. Do what you can to mend the fences, but you’ve got to draw the line somewhere. At least the ones who love you, love the REAL you; align yourself with them. Avoiding the others is a gift to yourself and them. They’ll protest and say you’re being selfish, but they’re putting on a show to make it look like you are the one who isn’t trying. Secretly, they wish they had the guts to do it. 🙂

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  6. Not only do I think that it’s great that you tried to appease your sister in law for the sake of peace, but I also think the resulting lesson was well worth the struggle. I love this story, because it goes to show that you can’t get along with everyone, and furthermore that some people are impossible to please. In either case, you should always be yourself because it’s your anger with yourself for not being true to who you are that will keep you awake at night more so than others opinion of you.

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    1. Thanks so much for your reading and kind words. What you’ve said is the truth! I especially racked my brain for years trying to figure out how we could get along, thinking it must be something I’ve done. However, that day revealed so much to me. I’m grateful for how it all unfolded.

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  7. I completely get it, and I applaud you for being you! It’s so difficult to please everyone, and be the version of yourself that they want or expect, so they can be comfortable or feel in control (because really, isn’t that what this is really about?) I’ve recently come to the same conclusion with a few people in my life and decided to let it go and be me, and it is so freeing!
    As my mom used to say, “if only one of us can be happy, it may as well be me”

    Liked by 2 people

  8. I love this post! I stopped being the person my family wanted me to be a few years ago. It meant they stopped wanting to be around me. I had my two brothers here this spring, to see if we could form a semi-cohesive relationship before my son’s wedding. The result? Kind of disastrous. One of my brothers is not coming to the wedding. But I feel okay about it because I’m not the silent one any longer.

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    1. Thanks Alexis! You know, along the way, I’ve also figured out that we put too much weight on being related to someone. It might sound a bit harsh, but for a few years, I’ve reconciled that people are just people and it is quite possible not to be aligned with the people to whom you’re related. You know? There are people out there who are much more aligned with you and who you are.

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  9. Yep be you! Life lesson for sister in law in encounters with the true you just as her being her revealed some truths and insights to you. I meant to say to you when we were talking about the kwotes, that I like when you do the behind the kwotes posts- context helps 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, that’s the beauty of being oneself. If you show up being you and they show up being them, then everyone has the opportunity for authenticity (and growth maybe). Glad to hear that you like these a little more lol I was thinking of starting another book project with these types of things, but haven’t decided if I want to exert the energy.

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